Zolak Report on "Big News" [Ron Howard voice: There was no news]

[Guts]

I love a great **** story with a happy ending. Thanks for sharing!

That is such a rough time when a turd is playing peek-a-boo with your balloon knot. In your case, you had a liquid concoction brewing, which is even worse. Much harder to contain.

However, the feeling immediately after unloading and surviving one of these fecal emergencies can top an orgasm for life's most enjoyable bodily feelings. I'm not talking the garden variety ****. But the one you described is an indescribable relief...but only if you survive it.

Did Market Basket not have a ****ter?

You're a menace

 

[Rob0729]

No big news?!? Anyone know if the Patriots Pro Shop will allow you to cancel a custom made Adam Seward game day jersey after you order it?

 

[Wax Frog]

And “waiting for the prices to come down” isn’t exactly a done deal.

I can do it too.

Breaking news! Justin Jefferson is going to be a New England Patriot! We’re just waiting for the Vikings asking price to come down, but he’ll be here eventually.

I actually hope it happens so you can come back and brag etc.!

 

[Vindicate]

Big News! Sources confirm, that if they can get the players they'd like at a manageable price, expect to see a fleet out wideouts signed

Source quote: "well yeah if we could get everyone for dirt cheap, I'd love to see Jeudy, Odell, and Hopkins all here. But, the reality is, we can't do that."

 

[Steve102]

I'm so freakin' irritated. MFer got me. POS.

 

[Zuma]

 

[aluminum seats]

You just can't do this with listeners/readers.

Well, you can do it once. You promise something and it doesn’t happen, no one’s listening the next time, or if they do, that’s their fault.

 

[lancerman]

Can I just say I never cared for Zolak

 

[Rob0729]

So it’s been walked back from “big breaking news tomorrow before the show starts” to “it’s coming eventually, they’re waiting for the prices to come down though, it’s a receiver”

Everyone got this wrong. Zolak announced really big news. He said that the Patriots love Mac Jones. I find that as huge news. If you listen to the local sports radio shows, they would tell you Belichick hates Mac Jones and wants him gone.

 

[JarOfMayo51]

I feel like I wasted 20 min of my life waiting for them. Ugh. I am irritated with myself for believing in his BS.

I bet their ratings were up at the beginning of the show

 

[A Defiant Goose]

I love a great **** story with a happy ending. Thanks for sharing!

That is such a rough time when a turd is playing peek-a-boo with your balloon knot. In your case, you had a liquid concoction brewing, which is even worse. Much harder to contain.

However, the feeling immediately after unloading and surviving one of these fecal emergencies can top an orgasm for life's most enjoyable bodily feelings. I'm not talking the garden variety ****. But the one you described is an indescribable relief...but only if you survive it.

Did Market Basket not have a ****ter?

So funny story. I had a similar close call a few months ago shopping with my wife there. It was like 8 in the morning. Not a lot of people in the store. I went to the bathroom and the only stall was taken up. So ok, I gotta **** but not too bad. I'll wait. I waited 5 minutes. Guy didn't budge. Left the bathroom, kept shopping, had to **** even more now (before it was a 4/10 urgency, now we're at like 7/10). Go back to the bathroom, same dude is still there probably ****ing off on his phone. I gave it another 5 minutes or so of shopping, came back at an 11/10 urgency, and the guy was there. I had to abandon my wife at the store and go make a fast drive home.

So this time, I didn't wanna take the chance of going to the bathroom and having to hold off 20 minutes for someone else. Figured I'd just get in and out as fast as possible

 

[A Defiant Goose]

Anyway so in other words, they're going to trade for Jeudy but the Broncos need to be very sure nobody is biting on their high demands first and will cave in before the end of the week

 

[JarOfMayo51]

So funny story. I had a similar close call a few months ago shopping with my wife there. It was like 8 in the morning. Not a lot of people in the store. I went to the bathroom and the only stall was taken up. So ok, I gotta **** but not too bad. I'll wait. I waited 5 minutes. Guy didn't budge. Left the bathroom, kept shopping, had to **** even more now (before it was a 4/10 urgency, now we're at like 7/10). Go back to the bathroom, same dude is still there probably ****ing off on his phone. I gave it another 5 minutes or so of shopping, came back at an 11/10 urgency, and the guy was there. I had to abandon my wife at the store and go make a fast drive home.

So this time, I didn't wanna take the chance of going to the bathroom and having to hold off 20 minutes for someone else. Figured I'd just get in and out as fast as possible

As Louis CK said, when you're 30+ years old every **** is an emergency

 

[Steve102]

I bet their ratings were up at the beginning of the show

I am sure. Miserable pricks.

 

[jays52]

I got through twice to ask Zo where his big news is until the call screener recognized my voice even through an Indian accent and told me to piss off.

 

[Ross12]

I heard the big news is that the Pats are bringing back Jalen Mills. Zo didn't know it was already announced because he was passed out when it happened.

 

[Steve102]

I got through twice to ask Zo where his big news is until the call screener recognized my voice even through an Indian accent and told me to piss off.

 

[borg]

Everyone got this wrong. Zolak announced really big news. He said that the Patriots love Mac Jones. I find that as huge news. If you listen to the local sports radio shows, they would tell you Belichick hates Mac Jones and wants him gone.

Or listen to the 65,000 at Gillette chanting ZAPPE ZAPPE

 

[patfanken]

I'll lose some respect for Brady if he signs a 1-day contact with the Patriots. That sort of charade is beneath him. And I don't want Kraft to take the opportunity to think he's somehow making up for letting Brady walk in 2020. Kraft opted to back BB instead, big mistake, own it.

Like I have said on MANY occasions, Kraft did NOT let Brady walk in 2020. The roster was depleted, the cap situation was untenable, and Brady wanted to play for a team with a chance at winning a championship, NOT a team that would struggle to make the playoffs. The Brookline and Boston homes were either sold or up for sale before the 2020 season.

Think about it, the Pats had a QB who cost $1MM on the cap. What OTHER resources would have had to be let go to fit a $25MM QB? The myth that Bill and Bob conspired to drive Brady out is just that.....a myth. The tension between Brady and Bill was probably real, but was not unexpected after a 20 year relationship. But it WASN'T the reason Brady left. He left because it was in his BEST interest.

I half wish he'd unretire again and lead his hometown 49ers to another superbowl. He is just what they need for one year.

 

[Steve102]

Like I have said on MANY occasions, Kraft did NOT let Brady walk in 2020. The roster was depleted, the cap situation was untenable, and Brady wanted to play for a team with a chance at winning a championship, NOT a team that would struggle to make the playoffs. The Brookline and Boston homes were either sold or up for sale before the 2020 season.

Think about it, the Pats had a QB who cost $1MM on the cap. What OTHER resources would have had to be let go to fit a $25MM QB? The myth that Bill and Bob conspired to drive Brady out is just that.....a myth. The tension between Brady and Bill was probably real, but was not unexpected after a 20 year relationship. But it WASN'T the reason Brady left. He left because it was in his BEST interest.

I half wish he'd unretire again and lead his hometown 49ers to another superbowl. He is just what they need for one year.

Oh now you've done it.