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My wife passed away


What a warm and touching tribute. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you come soon to a place where all the good memories push away the bad moments.

You met her in celebration and that became a too-short but clearly wonderful journey. Hold onto that.

Peace.
 
Thanks for your story. Beautiful words. I’m sorry for your loss.
 
Pape, a heavy heart for you this morning. So, so sorry brother.
 
I'm sorry for your loss, Pape... I'm glad you felt you could share some of what you were to each other here.
 
Pape I am sorry for your loss. Such a beautiful woman in many ways. Stay strong my friend
 
I am so sorry for your loss, my wife battled colon cancer and the diagnosis wrecked us. All I thought of was her not being here and me living the agony that you are now. We were lucky in our outcome and reading your words of your life with your wife reminds me of how lucky we are. Both of you will be in our prayers tonight. Take care.
 
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss Pape...my condolences.
 
I am sorry for your loss...stay strong !
 
Pape, so sorry for your loss, such a tragedy no one should ever have to face. My heart goes out to you.
 
Pape,sounds like you married the love of your life. The pain of losing her must be unbearable. But the joy of sharing this world with her must have been incredible.
You'll always have that.
I'm sorry,man.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family. We're all your family here in our own way, and we feel your loss too. We're all sending our deepest healing vibes to you and all your loved ones.
 
Pape, my FIL, God rest his soul, recited this poem at his sister's wake. It is both sad, and hopeful, and gives us all perspective on the joys and sorrows of life. I hope you don't mind that I post it here.

Even This Shall Pass Away

Once in Persia reigned a King,
Who upon his signet ring
Graved a maxim true and wise,
Which, if held before his eyes,
Gave him counsel, at a glance,
Fit for every change or chance:
Solemn words, and these are they:
"Even this shall pass away!"

Trains of camels through the sand
Brought him gems from Samarkand;
Fleets of galleys through the seas
Brought him pearls to rival these.
But he counted little gain
Treasures of the mine or main.
"What is wealth?" the King would say;
"Even this shall pass away."

In the revels of his court,
At the zenith of the sport,
When the palms of all his guests
Burned with clapping at his jests,
He, amid his figs and wine,
Cried, O loving friends of mine!
Pleasure comes, but not to stay:
"Even this shall pass away."

Lady fairest ever seen
Was the bride he crowned his queen.
Pillowed on the marriage-bed,
Whispering to his soul, he said,
Though a bridegroom never pressed
Dearer bosom to his breast,
Mortal flesh must come to clay:
"Even this shall pass away."

Fighting on a furious field,
Once a javelin pierced his shield.
Soldiers with a loud lament
Bore him bleeding to his tent.
Groaning from his wounded side,
Pain is hard to bear," he cried,
But with patience, day by day,
"Even this shall pass away."

Towering in the public square
Twenty cubits in the air,
Rose his statue carved in stone.
Then the King, disguised, unknown,
Gazing at his sculptured name,
Asked himself, And what is fame?
Fame is but a slow decay:
"Even this shall pass away."

Struck with palsy, sere and old,
Waiting at the Gates of Gold,
Spake he with his dying breath,
"Life is done, but what is Death?"
Then, in answer to the King,
Fell a sunbeam on his ring,
Showing by a heavenly ray -
"Even Death shall pass away."

God be with you and yours.
 
I am so sorry about the passing of your wife. That was really a touching tribute to her. Her kindness really shines through in that photo.

I can only imagine the pain that you are going through right now but hopefully you realize that you do not have to, and should not, go through it on your own. The reality is that men have more difficulty coping with the loss of a spouse or partner, as compared to women. This is likely in part due to the fact that many men are too stubborn and prideful to ask for help. I am hopeful that the your open and honest post in this forum is reflective of your willingness to lean on others in your time of need.

I really encourage you to be as open and honest with your primary care doctor because there are medications that can be used in the short or medium term, to help you with your feelings of loneliness and emptiness. Many men, women and children who are grieving because of the loss of a loved one develop what is called Adjustment Disorder, of which there are several types.

Here is some information about this temporary condition


I would also encourage you to seek out a local bereavement group/counselor. When my father died of Parkinson’s disease a decade ago, my mother decided to attend a weekly bereavement group at one of the local hospitals and found it to be very therapeutic. She was also lucky enough to meet a very nice man whose wife had recently died of Parkinson’s disease as well and they have been joined at the hip for many years now. In case something like this interest you, I found these links with resources in RI.



Yoga and meditation can also be very useful for managing stress non-pharmacologically. This is a link for an online meditation/mindfulness course that was originally developed at the University of Massachusetts medical center. The next eight week course begins on September 22. I have recommended it to patients because my medical specialty involves conditions that are driven stress/anxiety/depression and those who have taken the time to take the course found it to be extremely helpful.


I contemplated whether it was more appropriate to send you these links by direct message but ultimately felt that others here are likely going through something similar or will unfortunately at some point in the future and perhaps this discussion could be helpful for them as well.

Finally, I leave you with this message, with the hope that your broken heart will start to slowly mend. Bill, Mac and the rest of our boys need you on the wall with the rest of us this season!

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Pape, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. That sounds like a beautiful life you shared with her. I can't imagine the pain. I'm so sorry
 


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