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My wife passed away

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Oct 31st

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40yrpatsfan

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Pape by sharing this, and with the many heartfelt condolences from all the members of this community, you've raised the level of this board forever. I think maybe people will be a little less likely to criticize in a personal manner, and more likely to realize there are real people behind these screen names who are dealing with life's challenges.

Everyone is touched by your post, and best wishes recovering from your loss. In my experience it takes at least a year for your subconscious to realize your loved one is gone, and after that things slowly get better.
 

DW Toys

In the Starting Line-Up
At the end of July my wife passed away.

It was 13 years ago to the day that I first met her in person. We arranged a meet up in Atlanta, Georgia at DragonCon 2008.

We had met online a few years earlier. It was around 2004-2005, Battle Star Galactica had hit it big. My brother and I watched the show religiously. He wanted to know what the ranks and insignias were all about, I said I'd go on-line to look it up. Found myself on the Sci-Fi.com (now SyFy - the guy who made that name and trade marked it is a dick btw) forums. There were a bunch of boards there, the biggest being the one for Battle Star Galactica. But, half way down the index page was a forum for Firefly... I loved that show, and was heartbroken when fox had cancelled it. I became a regular poster there, along with maybe 20-30 other Browncoats. Day in day out, we chatted with each other, became friends ... all that good stuff.

My better half was there and thats where I met her. We started chatting on the boards... which soon became messaging each other, then emailing, then talking to each other all the time via Yahoo messaging. After a while, she was like "we gotta meet, in person". I dragged my feet for a short bit, but ultimately relented. Wasn't sure where this was going... She lived in a little itty bitty town in Texas named Trinity, I was in RI. so we went to DragonCon, and sparks flew. We enjoyed the Con, spent the rest of the time pouring ourselves into cabs after spending too much time in the local restaurants and bars... lol, it was one hell of a long weekend. I started flying to Texas on the regular. She started coming to RI when she could get off work. We would day trip around Texas or New England, depending on where we were. We just had fun together. No real plans, no hidden agenda. Meet up in New Orleans? Great! Fly down to Houston or the Woodlands to see a concert or two? Fantastic.

In 2013, we finally tied it all up, and moved her to Rhode Island. We had been together ever since. I think since she moved here we had spent less than 3 weeks total apart. We were always together.

A few years ago she started having health issues. One problem... then another. We'd adapt. We'd learn how to manage her issues. No more long hikes hikes thru Trustom Pond NWF? No worries...Ninigret park had some smaller trails. It really didnt matter, because we were together. We worked on things, we got her back to mostly healthy. We could do things. Go fishing at the Quonnie Breachway... Spend the day on Sandy Point... Picnic at the Narragansett Seawall... Spend the Weekend on Block Island... Visit the Stonington Lighthouse Museum... Whale Watches... Carpenters Farmstand... Daytrip to Bristol... see shows at the Stadium Theater (she loved seeing Three Dog Night there!).

2020 was a bad year. It started with her having two surgeries in February and March on her neck to fuse two spinal vertebrae, and then to repair the hardware in her lumber region. She was in constant pain. Couldnt take pain meds, as she was allergic to all of the heavy hitters. She started using a walker near full time. Wheelchairs became part of our lives. And when she couldn't manage, I would carry her.

Back in November, we were supposed to go to Texas for Thanksgiving. She had been feeling rundown for months. Didnt know what it was, but it was something. A week before we were supposed to go, her doctors started calling. Wanted her to get blood work done. She did, they didnt like what they saw. Wanted her in the hospital. she called her doc and said she would take care of it after she got back. Well one doc called another, and then another. she was adamant though. They talked her into getting checked out / more blood work done once more before we left. The day we were supposed to leave, I brought her to the Hospital for tests at 7 am. Brought her home to wait on the result. I packed the car, packed up the food she was bringing. Told her to start packing her bags. Brought her back to the bedroom so she could pack. Half hour later, I came in and she was crying. She couldn't manage. So instead of packing her bags for vacation, we packed a bag for the hospital.

Within 72 hours of being admitted, she was put on a ventilator for the first time. She had sepsis, and her body had gone into shock from ARDS, acute respiratory distress syndrome. She eventually recovered, and came home December 31st. They had found out what caused the sepsis. Had dealt with it the best they could. Wasnt good enough. The day after I got her home, January 1, 2021, the hospital called, said she had been pre-admitted and she needed to come back to the hospital. Five times over the course of 2021 this happened, five times she had extended stays in various ICUs between Westerly, Lawrence & Memorial and Yale... five times she spend up to two weeks on a ventilator.

She fought harder than I have ever seen anyone fight. Day In Day Out. Never quit. Always fought to come home.

Now, shes not coming home to me.

I am at a loss. I have family and friends I can lean on. But I feel isolated. I come home to an empty house. where the was once a bustling kitchen, there is now silence. Where there was once the blaring voice of Guy Fieri echoing thru the living room, there is silence. I feel like I am on auto pilot. Most of the time I am just numb. Until the sadness wells up and takes over. I sleep maybe four hours a night. I have nightmares, where I used to sleep like a log. I dont remember them, but i wake and the sheets are all pulled off the corners of the bed... The worst are what I call the waking nightmares... the images that infrequently come to mind while I am awake... When those happen, I need to stop what I am doing til they pass....

I do know that life goes on. Time heals, mostly. I do know that I will be ok, eventually.

I love her, and I miss her.

Cousin,
All of life's ventures and journeys are a path. Your wife was put on this earth to share your life and joy. Sorrows are unfortunate but we are here only in a brief mil-second of time. You and she made the best of it, however short in the scheme of things as we interpret them.

As a believer, take solace to know that she is not in pain and she lives in joy today unparalleled to what was offered as a small sample on earth. Take solace to know she will not be subject to the sickness and evil anymore and she waits for you.

I am not a preacher but
The Lord sent his son to die at only 33 years of age so we all may live forever if we believe.

This might not feel good to you right now but:Psalm 46 “God is our mighty fortress; therefore let fear be gone. His blessings flow like water, as certain as the dawn. And so, whate’er betide us, our confidence is sure: The Lord of hosts is with us, and we are safe, secure!”

She is safe Cousin. Don't know you but we say a prayer for her.......and you. The Lord blessed us with the knowledge that we will be with our loved ones.
DW Toys
 

TheRainMaker

The face of success
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2020 Weekly NFL Picks Winner
Sorry for your loss. She seemed like a great person. Tough as hell and a fighter too. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
 

maryk

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lurk here more than post, but I feel like I know everyone here. The love you have for your wife comes shining through your words. Everyone deserves a someone who loves them like you do her. She was a beautiful person. If you ever need anyone to talk with, pm me. Please let those around you help.
 

ahmed

Third String But Playing on Special Teams
I am sorry for your loss. Hang in there and try to deal however you can. Life takes on a whole new meaning after a real close one passes away. Wish you the best.
 

Brewskies

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PatsFans.com Supporter
Pape

I wish I had words or actions that would make things better but I don't. I am at a loss for something helpful to say that you haven't heard already. I can only keep you in my thoughts and I will.

I spend 95% of my day in bed with pain so if you need someone to talk with, I am always around any time of the day. Just send a PM, and we can talk about anything on your mind.

I appreciate you sharing your story with us. I am here for you if you want.

Your fellow Patriots fan.
 

scott99

Veteran Starter w/Big Long Term Deal
Pape, I’m so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love so much, I wish I had words of wisdom to help you, but I’m still going through the pain. But please know, we all here at Patsfans care about you and I know you’re loved ones will do what they can to help you through this time of grieving. So sorry for your loss.
 

n6249c

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PatsFans.com Supporter
Damn. That’s tough. Words aren’t enough. I’m so sorry for your loss, hope it’s tempered by memories of the good times that remind you you‘re lucky to have found each other. Best wishes, stay strong, and don’t be afraid to lean on friends and ask for help whenever you need it. Remember you’ve got a lot of friends here that would be happy to help.
 
Last edited:

stcjones

Pro Bowl Player
At the end of July my wife passed away.

It was 13 years ago to the day that I first met her in person. We arranged a meet up in Atlanta, Georgia at DragonCon 2008.

We had met online a few years earlier. It was around 2004-2005, Battle Star Galactica had hit it big. My brother and I watched the show religiously. He wanted to know what the ranks and insignias were all about, I said I'd go on-line to look it up. Found myself on the Sci-Fi.com (now SyFy - the guy who made that name and trade marked it is a dick btw) forums. There were a bunch of boards there, the biggest being the one for Battle Star Galactica. But, half way down the index page was a forum for Firefly... I loved that show, and was heartbroken when fox had cancelled it. I became a regular poster there, along with maybe 20-30 other Browncoats. Day in day out, we chatted with each other, became friends ... all that good stuff.

My better half was there and thats where I met her. We started chatting on the boards... which soon became messaging each other, then emailing, then talking to each other all the time via Yahoo messaging. After a while, she was like "we gotta meet, in person". I dragged my feet for a short bit, but ultimately relented. Wasn't sure where this was going... She lived in a little itty bitty town in Texas named Trinity, I was in RI. so we went to DragonCon, and sparks flew. We enjoyed the Con, spent the rest of the time pouring ourselves into cabs after spending too much time in the local restaurants and bars... lol, it was one hell of a long weekend. I started flying to Texas on the regular. She started coming to RI when she could get off work. We would day trip around Texas or New England, depending on where we were. We just had fun together. No real plans, no hidden agenda. Meet up in New Orleans? Great! Fly down to Houston or the Woodlands to see a concert or two? Fantastic.

In 2013, we finally tied it all up, and moved her to Rhode Island. We had been together ever since. I think since she moved here we had spent less than 3 weeks total apart. We were always together.

A few years ago she started having health issues. One problem... then another. We'd adapt. We'd learn how to manage her issues. No more long hikes hikes thru Trustom Pond NWF? No worries...Ninigret park had some smaller trails. It really didnt matter, because we were together. We worked on things, we got her back to mostly healthy. We could do things. Go fishing at the Quonnie Breachway... Spend the day on Sandy Point... Picnic at the Narragansett Seawall... Spend the Weekend on Block Island... Visit the Stonington Lighthouse Museum... Whale Watches... Carpenters Farmstand... Daytrip to Bristol... see shows at the Stadium Theater (she loved seeing Three Dog Night there!).

2020 was a bad year. It started with her having two surgeries in February and March on her neck to fuse two spinal vertebrae, and then to repair the hardware in her lumber region. She was in constant pain. Couldnt take pain meds, as she was allergic to all of the heavy hitters. She started using a walker near full time. Wheelchairs became part of our lives. And when she couldn't manage, I would carry her.

Back in November, we were supposed to go to Texas for Thanksgiving. She had been feeling rundown for months. Didnt know what it was, but it was something. A week before we were supposed to go, her doctors started calling. Wanted her to get blood work done. She did, they didnt like what they saw. Wanted her in the hospital. she called her doc and said she would take care of it after she got back. Well one doc called another, and then another. she was adamant though. They talked her into getting checked out / more blood work done once more before we left. The day we were supposed to leave, I brought her to the Hospital for tests at 7 am. Brought her home to wait on the result. I packed the car, packed up the food she was bringing. Told her to start packing her bags. Brought her back to the bedroom so she could pack. Half hour later, I came in and she was crying. She couldn't manage. So instead of packing her bags for vacation, we packed a bag for the hospital.

Within 72 hours of being admitted, she was put on a ventilator for the first time. She had sepsis, and her body had gone into shock from ARDS, acute respiratory distress syndrome. She eventually recovered, and came home December 31st. They had found out what caused the sepsis. Had dealt with it the best they could. Wasnt good enough. The day after I got her home, January 1, 2021, the hospital called, said she had been pre-admitted and she needed to come back to the hospital. Five times over the course of 2021 this happened, five times she had extended stays in various ICUs between Westerly, Lawrence & Memorial and Yale... five times she spend up to two weeks on a ventilator.

She fought harder than I have ever seen anyone fight. Day In Day Out. Never quit. Always fought to come home.

Now, shes not coming home to me.

I am at a loss. I have family and friends I can lean on. But I feel isolated. I come home to an empty house. where the was once a bustling kitchen, there is now silence. Where there was once the blaring voice of Guy Fieri echoing thru the living room, there is silence. I feel like I am on auto pilot. Most of the time I am just numb. Until the sadness wells up and takes over. I sleep maybe four hours a night. I have nightmares, where I used to sleep like a log. I dont remember them, but i wake and the sheets are all pulled off the corners of the bed... The worst are what I call the waking nightmares... the images that infrequently come to mind while I am awake... When those happen, I need to stop what I am doing til they pass....

I do know that life goes on. Time heals, mostly. I do know that I will be ok, eventually.

I love her, and I miss her.

Beautiful lady ….my prayers are with you and your family!
 

Pape

In the Starting Line-Up
There was a post earlier in this thread that said the op raised the level of the board. I disagree.

As my wife would have said " y'all's " responses have done that.

That type of a response makes this much much more than an anonymous message board.

Thank you all.
 

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