Zolak Report on "Big News" [Ron Howard voice: There was no news]

[Username]

I'm pretty sure that, if there is any news, it'll be something completely underwhelming, like TB12 retiring as a Patriot or a new deal for Anfernee Jennings or something

 

[kmac14]

He's given up on the Awaken 180 diet and going back to Round the Clock 360 binging.

 

[Sicilian]

I feel like Zolak teases stuff like this a lot, and very rarely is it worth the hype. I'm starting to think he's got a "source" in the Patriots that just like messing with him. Like it's an intern who's bored of fetching coffee for the head groundskeeper so every other week he just goes, "Heh, I'll text Zo that there's big news coming today. That'll amuse me for a few minutes."

 

[JMC00]

It isn't even clear if he was talking about the Patriots. Apparently he said big news and it was that idiot Justin Ramos that added "presumably the Patriots". So Zolak didn't even say Patriots, people just spun it that way

Zolak might have his sources in Foxboro given that he does Pats radio but I don't think he's that in-tune that he can pinpoint a time news would be coming out.

 

[Drunken Cicerone]

DraftKings offering a +300 boost to all Massachusetts players who put at least $50 down on Patriots to win the AFC East

 

[TheRazorsEdge]

View attachment 50598

Surely the greatest use of this GIF this board will ever see.

 

[hornetfb85]

Are we all ready for this huge news…

 

[A Defiant Goose]

Good news everyone I went to Market Basket the other day and survived a giant urge to **** my pants. I'm talking like halfway thru the trip I was shaking and clenching. It was the runs too (thanks Buffalo Wild Wings wild sauce). You know how when you gotta poop, the more you move the easier it is to keep in? Well I survived a 5 minute check out line. Just sitting there shaking, clenching my cheeks, sweating thinking I'm just gonna **** myself and never come back to this store again. I said God, I am sorry I missed Mass please don't let this be my penance.

So anyways I made it home and caught every green light on the way (thank you heavenly Father), ran in, and just blasted out my ass so hard that the wild sauce didn't even have time to singe me. I gotta say after that I've never felt so alive. Maybe one day I'll take a laxative and see how long I can make it through a Target run just to catch that high again.

 

[Guts]

Good news everyone I went to Market Basket the other day and survived a giant urge to **** my pants. I'm talking like halfway thru the trip I was shaking and clenching. It was the runs too (thanks Buffalo Wild Wings wild sauce). You know how when you gotta poop, the more you move the easier it is to keep in? Well I survived a 5 minute check out line. Just sitting there shaking, clenching my cheeks, sweating thinking I'm just gonna **** myself and never come back to this store again. I said God, I am sorry I missed Mass please don't let this be my penance.

So anyways I made it home and caught every green light on the way (thank you heavenly Father), ran in, and just blasted out my ass so hard that the wild sauce didn't even have time to singe me. I gotta say after that I've never felt so alive. Maybe one day I'll take a laxative and see how long I can make it through a Target run just to catch that high again.

I'm so happy for you

 

[KDPPatsfan85]

I heard the "Breaking News" is Brady is signing a one day contract to retire a Patriot!

 

[A Defiant Goose]

Oops wrong thread. Thought this was the talking out of your ass thread judging by the Zo hype

 

[Love The Drake]

Good news everyone I went to Market Basket the other day and survived a giant urge to **** my pants. I'm talking like halfway thru the trip I was shaking and clenching. It was the runs too (thanks Buffalo Wild Wings wild sauce). You know how when you gotta poop, the more you move the easier it is to keep in? Well I survived a 5 minute check out line. Just sitting there shaking, clenching my cheeks, sweating thinking I'm just gonna **** myself and never come back to this store again. I said God, I am sorry I missed Mass please don't let this be my penance.

So anyways I made it home and caught every green light on the way (thank you heavenly Father), ran in, and just blasted out my ass so hard that the wild sauce didn't even have time to singe me. I gotta say after that I've never felt so alive. Maybe one day I'll take a laxative and see how long I can make it through a Target run just to catch that high again.

That gives me nightmares about second grade.

Windbreaker pants
Stomach bug
Kelly’s desk
Middle of a test
Huge mess
Clothes from
Lost and found
Walking around with my pants in a sea thru bag all day
You know how many fights I had to win to get street cred after that.
People didn’t completely forget til middle school.

Principal had to come in the classroom and tell kids not to pick on me cause I was sick.

 

[Tunescribe]

Good news everyone I went to Market Basket the other day and survived a giant urge to **** my pants. I'm talking like halfway thru the trip I was shaking and clenching. It was the runs too (thanks Buffalo Wild Wings wild sauce). You know how when you gotta poop, the more you move the easier it is to keep in? Well I survived a 5 minute check out line. Just sitting there shaking, clenching my cheeks, sweating thinking I'm just gonna **** myself and never come back to this store again. I said God, I am sorry I missed Mass please don't let this be my penance.

So anyways I made it home and caught every green light on the way (thank you heavenly Father), ran in, and just blasted out my ass so hard that the wild sauce didn't even have time to singe me. I gotta say after that I've never felt so alive. Maybe one day I'll take a laxative and see how long I can make it through a Target run just to catch that high again.

TMI

That gives me nightmares about second grade.

Windbreaker pants
Stomach bug
Kelly’s desk
Middle of a test
Huge mess
Clothes from
Lost and found
Walking around with my pants in a sea thru bag all day
You know how many fights I had to win to get street cred after that.
People didn’t completely forget til middle school.

Principal had to come in the classroom and tell kids not to pick on me cause I was sick.

TMI

 

[A Defiant Goose]

That gives me nightmares about second grade.

Windbreaker pants
Stomach bug
Kelly’s desk
Middle of a test
Huge mess
Clothes from
Lost and found
Walking around with my pants in a sea thru bag all day
You know how many fights I had to win to get street cred after that.
People didn’t completely forget til middle school.

Principal had to come in the classroom and tell kids not to pick on me cause I was sick.

I actually had the same experience I'll never forget it. 2nd grade sitting behind the chick I had a crush on. Asked to go to the bathroom, teacher wouldn't let me. I was too young to stand up for myself and just leave. **** myself right there and sat in it a couple hours til someone found out it was me. Surprisingly didn't get a whooping from my mom for that, she was actually upset with the teacher for once

 

[Keyser Söze]

Good news everyone I went to Market Basket the other day and survived a giant urge to **** my pants. I'm talking like halfway thru the trip I was shaking and clenching. It was the runs too (thanks Buffalo Wild Wings wild sauce). You know how when you gotta poop, the more you move the easier it is to keep in? Well I survived a 5 minute check out line. Just sitting there shaking, clenching my cheeks, sweating thinking I'm just gonna **** myself and never come back to this store again. I said God, I am sorry I missed Mass please don't let this be my penance.

So anyways I made it home and caught every green light on the way (thank you heavenly Father), ran in, and just blasted out my ass so hard that the wild sauce didn't even have time to singe me. I gotta say after that I've never felt so alive. Maybe one day I'll take a laxative and see how long I can make it through a Target run just to catch that high again.

Pics or it didn’t happen

 

[Steve102]

Well this thread went to chit.

 

[BUSTAMOVE]

Well this thread went to chit.

Just waiting for Dingleberry to chime in lol

 

[Steve102]

They are speculating something about Kyle Van Noy. If that's it, I will never post anything Zo says again.

 

[Username]

They are speculating something about Kyle Van Noy. If that's it, I will never post anything Zo says again.

I thought he had retired

 

[Steve102]

I thought he had retired

I dunno, but listening for the last ten minutes of the Regina song has my ears bleeding. I am reminded why I don't listen to sports radio anymore.