Perhaps those "batshit-crazy scientifically impossible" ideas might actually have some validity that you simply don't understand...
I don't claim to know all of his theories, but I think I understand perfectly the craziness of some of his ideas. Maybe it helps that I have 4 degrees in science and have done extensive research into the functions of the membrane ion transporters that tightly regulate pH in all eukaryotic cells. Apart from that, though, a great many of his ideas ought to make the average 5th grader say "That makes no sense, dude".
The goofy "low pH causes cancer" idea is pretty simple to explain, and like most goofy theories, the champions of it try to latch onto some science for support, without digging deeper.
In the 1920s and 1930s the German biochemist Otto Warburg discovered that growing tumors, in their immediate environs, have a slightly diminished pH. This is because the cancer cells use glycolysis, not oxidative phosphorylation, for energy production because it is rapid, needs no oxygen supply, and thus allows unchecked cell growth despite its inefficiency.
Why the acidity? Large amounts of lactic acid is a by-product of glycolysis, their means of energy production, and they make lots of lactic acid-exporting proteins to get rid of it, like having a cellular bilge pump. This pumping out of lactic acid slightly lowers the extracellular pH.
Logical conclusion: Tumor cells characteristically produce lactic acid, lowering local pH.
bat-**** crazy misinterpretation: cancer is caused by lowering your body's pH, so you ought to eat "alkaline foods" to change the pH of your cells to a range where cells cannot become cancerous.
What do they say is an "alkaline food"? Hmmm... since they wanted people to buy into it, they decided to call anything that was seemingly bad for you "acidic" and anything seemingly good for you "alkaline" and all-the-while hope that people do not know the difference. They generally call meats, fats and sugars acids (they are not) and generally call most vegetables and fruits "alkalines" (they are not).
The truth is that the acidity of the foods that you eat can indeed affect your stomach pH, and thus consuming less acidic foods help with conditions such as acid reflux and ulcers. So can having your stomach produce less HCl, with proton pump inhibitors.
But...once nutrients pass into your blood, unless you have one of a few specific diseases, your body tightly regulates pH in all of its cells. If pH drops every so slightly too low, it is adjusted by exporting monocarboxylates (e.g, lactate, pyruvate, acetate, etc.). If it goes every so slightly too high, it is adjusted by importing monocarboxylates.
Bottom line: Nothing you eat or drink does a damn thing to these tight pH controls characteristic of all cells. If these systems fail, even slightly, you die.
Specialty "alkalinized water" does, however, very efficiently drain your wallet.