A guy is driving home from work late one week night; he's overworked, frustrated, but incredibly hungry and he decides to treat himself to a very special meal. He pulls into the parking lot of the best restaurant in town, looks at his watch, and realizes he only has a few minutes before the kitchen closes. He hurries in, gets seated, but has no menu to look at. The waitress eventually comes to the table and informs the patron that many of the signature entrees on the menu are no longer available.
She says:
"We're out of our Lobster Lawrence, a dish said to satisfy for decades.
We are also out of our Fields Filet, called the perfect cut of meat by Zagat's.
Our Lance Lamb went fast tonight.
We had a daily special of Trask Truffles, but they sold out in the first hour.
We are also out of Mond Cakes, Newman Bulldog Nachos, Ehlinger Escargot, Pork Purdy, Chicken & Wilson Waffles, Costello Carbonara, and our Mac Jones & Cheese.
In fact there's nothing available from our menu. Why didn't you come in earlier, Mr. Belichick? "
"Oh you know me, I refuse to dine early, it's a matter of principle. Anyway, there has to be something in the kitchen I can eat?"
"We can offer you our chef's special Mystery Meat Sausage, a blend of unknown table scraps sitting next to the garbage bin; blandly seasoned mystery chunks stuffed into generic sausage casings."
"Sweety, now you see why I dine here late night. I live for your late night mystery specials. Bring me two plates, a glass of water no ice, some Hunts Catsup, and some saltines if it's not too much trouble. Thanks, hun. Oh......and I want a deal on those sausage"
As the waitress left the table, Mr. Belichick noticed nearby a familiar mustached face at a table stacked with amazing food dishes.
"Hey Andy, looks like you cleaned out the kitchen with all those dishes in front of you. This meal is gonna cost you a fortune!"
"Oh Bill, the food's the best here, why not splurge. The Clams Kelci are to die for. The Tyreek Tips are a bite-sized delicacy found no where else. These stuffed Le'veon Bell Peppers are a luxury I had to experience. And you know Bill, I always compliment a fine meal with a 2017 Mahomes Merlot, rated a 100 out of 100 by Wine Spectator. Did you know Bill, Wine Connoiseur calls the Mahomes Merlot the Greatest Of All Time. I'd pay a half billion dollars to drink this wine every day. Can I get you a glass?"
"No thanks Andy, way too rich for my blood. I have my water. Truthfully, I couldn't bare paying the prices for anything on your table. Hell, I could get 50 plates of mystery sausage and have money left over for a Bentley Burger, Harry Hard Rolls, and some Cam Clams for the price you are paying for your entrees and vino. I'll stick with my sausage."
