My Dearest Abigaile,
I write to you in the midst of defeat. Our ineptness and foolishness is of no shock to me or my men. President Irsay has mismanaged my army to the point of disaster. My only hope is for the lord to show us mercy in this time of unfathomable idiocy. I do hope there are better times for this army in the future, though I doubt it. My thoughts are that the lord is working against us due to his most probable hatred of President Irsay, or as my men have come to call him, the Great Nincompoop.
Yours truly,
General Andrew Luck
P.S. Brady Blight seems to not be stopping at our farm. The new crops are being ravaged by this plant killer. Will the lord not show us even a little mercy? Burn the new fields, and remove the dirt as well. Buy new dirt and cover the fields and start anew. We can only hope and pray the lord relents from his seemingly relentless attack upon our faith.