Trying to come up with a good joke equating vegetarianism with the awful football team that wears a green uniform and coming up empty.
Okay, so you can't come up with a joke that involves both vegetables and the color green.
Never mind. You did.
I like the guy saying he's got ribs on, hell, I love me some ribs and they offend my God. I like the "look the hot chick isnt a vegetarian" jokes.
I'm not even a vegetarian, I just got this ball rolling by saying I am eating WAY less red meat, cuz, face it, it really IS bad for you, unless you're doing some Atkins song and dance that makes you blow up like Violet from Willy Wonka if you ever eat a roll. (Yes, exaggeration intended). Even then, who knows how it treats your heart and arteries.
By the way, I agree with you guys on condiments being the key, apparently the Impossible Burger guys (that thing is actually not much better for you than beef, but I digress).... the Impossible Burger guys don't even think it tastes like beef, because news flash, even the best beef really doesn't taste like itself as much as it tastes like the condiments. So they focused on the texture and "mouth feel," and for taste, they were trying to design a neutral landing pad for condiments. Hell, you can order a whopper without the meat (haven't done this, I am eating healthy, I'm not an idiot).... and it tastes roughly the same. So I make whoppers at home with somewhat cheaper and lower calorie veggie patties... not b/c they taste good, but because they don't taste bad. Then they just let the condiments work their magic. Mmmm. Lettuce, tomatoes, onion, mayo, ketchup, bun! Whopper! Oh yeah and some patty or something in there...
Anyhoo, I hear you on the Buddhist stuff, but could never do Tofu. Seitan, yes. That's why I get a kick out of anybody without Celiac Disease trying to eat Gluten Free. F.U., you don't need to, and by the way, some of the best "meat substitute" stuff in the world is pure gluten.
Anyway, everybody can go straight to heck except me
Seriously, I like meat, I like living, it's a balance, and nowadays I have to think that way I never did before the question "Why do I feel so painfully full and out of breath" resolved into "because you're fixin' to die if you don't change some ****."