I just wanted to take the time this morning as I prepare to take on another day to say I'm taking on another day. Wow. I got to wake up again today, albeit much too early (about an hour now). LOL But I did not think I would a week ago when I created this post. Thirteen pages in and many saved lives later, here I am. Here Kenneth is. You all say I'm courageous. I thank you for that. But I feel that you all took courage for me. Your words to a complete stranger has kept him alive. To me, that's what deserves credit. I was simply weak, alone and afraid. I now have an army, a family in fact, of people that I truly feel care about me. I know Kenneth will say the same. I have read stories that are better than any book or movie. I have read stories that have touched me in ways I never imagined possible. I never knew that my moment of weakness could or would spawn what we've seen in this thread. It is truly an amazing thing! I don't know if any other forum could possibly be as amazing as this one, and I was saying stuff like that before all of this.
Family, I am not out of the woods. Everyday is a struggle. I have to fight back the hurt still. I have to fight back the tears still. I have to fight back the feelings of despair still. The difference now is that I know I have people in my life, near and far, that are in this with me. You all have not let me go. It is in part because of you all that I breathe and live. It is your strength that has carried me this far and it is this same strength that I hope will remain a very present beacon in my life. I need you all. Kenneth needs you all. Brady to Moss needs you all. Tony needs you all. And the many many others sharing their stories needs you all.
I truly hope you all can see that these are not empty words. I hope you all know that I truly feel that I owe my life to this board. I truly hope that you all realize that what you did can never be underestimated. I'm not here today if not for this board, and that includes the support from my family, friends and even my counselor. It's just different when it's coming from people you don't feel owe you anything. The way you all rallied around me (and now Kenneth) is truly amazing, and I feel deeply blessed. Why? Why would you all feel the desire to do that for people you don't know? The answer is because we're human and because we're connected. We all forget this when we're going through the day-to-day. We pass each other without so much as a glance at times. We lie to each other. We curse each other. And though I know there will never be such thing as a Utopia, it's threads like this that should serve as a reminder that we really aren't that different from one another. We all go through a lot of the same things in life.
Anyway, I don't want to get "preachy." I just wanted to stop in to say I am here. I am ready to face whatever there is for me today. I am still struggling, but I am not where I was just a week ago. In fact, last week might as well be last year because it feels miles away now. I can make that proclamation because of this forum. I probably do not even deserve it. And it's not that I've been a bad person by any stretch, but I feel that what you all did is more than I imagined and I still cannot fathom that you all thought enough of me to come to my rescue. Whether it's the Patriots, a divine hand or just fate, we all crossed paths at the same exact moment in time and it resulted in lives sustained. I don't know where this journey will end up for me, but I know that I have a chance to get better because I'm alive and I owe that in large part to this amazing community. And know that I have read some football threads for the first time in days. And though I'm not ready yet to start posting in the football threads, I am working my way to that point. Thank you all for being such a blessing in this dark time in my life.
I just want to give a special thanks to Dikembe for being incredible! To you all, THANK YOU ETERNALLY for giving me my second wind. As I said earlier in this thread, if you all continue to stay by my side in this, I promise I will continue to fight. Thank you for the strength you have given me to confront this thing.
