I Could Use Your Thoughts and Prayers

[nickw308810]

Thinking about you both, hope you are having a good day!

 

[203Pat]

Please hang in there. Take it a day at a time.

 

[jays52]

I have never thought myself as a leading character not even in my own life. Guess it's time I did.

Good man! The coolest thing about life is that it is inherently plastic; it can be anything you want it to be. This goes for you as well as Patsboy12 (and sorry if I missed you dude, Kenneth's movie line just resonated with me), but the only thing in the world that separates us from truly heroic, inspiring accomplishments is effort...and really, in life that's ultimately all we can give. Like Rogan said in that clip, we live in unique times. We have access to every source of input we could ever want. With concerted effort we can really BE anything we want....lol, outside of being Gronk or Collins. The barriers to education have been completely removed. Gym memberships are dirt cheap. Free streaming music lets you set the soundtrack to this movie. The life you, and most importantly those kids deserve is both easily accessed and right in front of you.

This is not easy to hear when you are in the depths, and believe me I know, but go do something great with your life. Life is a special, precious gift and you have a unique opportunity to become an inspiration your grandchildren will model themselves after. I am not a pious man but I believe that there is a force in the universe and I believe that force would never throw us anything that we cannot handle. This is a test. Rise. Rise goddamnit and become who this **** is trying to turn you into.

 

[neuronet]

Hope you both got through today safe, and get up tomorrow just a little bit better!

Or a lot better, but..you know that is not often how it goes with these things.

 

[ralmat55]

Started my day with an intense longing for my wife and the life and love we shared.. My insides are shaking from sadness.

A previous poster mentioned his struggle with anxiety. I had a bout of it after my stepfather and father died suddenly 5 months apart when I was 21 leaving me with sole care of my mother. I barely could function for a few years. I do not want to be a burden to my family and friends. I would end my life if I thought I was going to be.

Pray and think of me as I start my work week. Hoping work distracts me from my sadness..

 

[Ring 6]

Started my day with an intense longing for my wife and the life and love we shared.. My insides are shaking from sadness.

A previous poster mentioned his struggle with anxiety. I had a bout of it after my stepfather and father died suddenly 5 months apart when I was 21 leaving me with sole care of my mother. I barely could function for a few years. I do not want to be a burden to my family and friends. I would end my life if I thought I was going to be.

Pray and think of me as I start my work week. Hoping work distracts me from my sadness..

The worst thing you can do for your family is end your life. They are your reason to stay strong. They need you. Your loss would be a greater burden to them than anything else.

 

[shmessy]

Started my day with an intense longing for my wife and the life and love we shared.. My insides are shaking from sadness.

A previous poster mentioned his struggle with anxiety. I had a bout of it after my stepfather and father died suddenly 5 months apart when I was 21 leaving me with sole care of my mother. I barely could function for a few years. I do not want to be a burden to my family and friends. I would end my life if I thought I was going to be.

Pray and think of me as I start my work week. Hoping work distracts me from my sadness..

Kenneth,

#1 - Ending your life would be a burden to each and every one of US who have given you a piece of our hearts. But more importantly, it would give the same pain you experienced to your loved ones.

#2 - work is a good distraction, but GET PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW.

We're rooting for ya, man.

 

[neuronet]

Kenneth,

#1 - Ending your life would be a burden to each and every one of US who have given you a piece of our hearts. But more importantly, it would give the same pain you experienced to your loved ones.

#2 - work is a good distraction, but GET PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW.

We're rooting for ya, man.

+1000

Yes, even if you are already getting such help, double down. Get extra appointments with your psychologist (you are seeing one, I hope to God) or talk to your psychiatrist about whether you should tweak your meds.

The best thing my mom did was check herself into a hospital for a week when she was severely suicidal. She's been happier ever since, they got her meds all squared away, and she has been stabilized and happier ever since.

I also agree that the way to guarantee to be a huge burden to everyone we love is to take one's life. It would leave a permanent scar of loss on everyone in your life, and truly that is an awful burden. I know sometimes that can be part of the allure [especially if you want to hurt your crappy-ass ex wife by killling yourself (which, I hope I don't have to say, would be not just ineffective but childish, a permanent pseudo-solution to a temporary problem that will ultimately be a positive b/c I guarantee you'll soon be glad she is out of your life)]. However, focusing on that c-word, vow-breaking, b-word does a disservice to the people who actually love you and don't deserve to have that burden put on them.

But seriously if you haven't doubled down on the psychological/psychiatric care, please do it. Sure, we are amazing, and awesome, and all experts on everything at patsfans. Most of us have chimed in with platitudes or videos or religious sayings or the life wisdom nuggets we use to get through. Hell, we know so much I'm surprised we haven't cured cancer already!

But there is no substitute for actual trained professionals who can meet you face-to-face and get a much better sense of what the hell is going on and exactly what would be best to help you pull through this situation right now. It sounds like you have loyal family who know and love you, and they should probably be part of your support team too.

That said, just about anything you do to get out of your head and stop ruminating about what is making you sad is a good thing. Work, exercise, etc..

That said, I had a cure for cancer to put here, but I have run out of space.

 

[sc293]

PatsBoy12 and Kenneth - my thoughts and prayers are with you both. As someone who has had anxiety issues I can say that it can, and does get better. It's a long process, and sometimes it seems like you're not making any progress. But then you look back and realize that you have taken some steps forward and have made progress. It will always be a journey. But even if you only take one small step at at a time - it still helps out (even if it doesn't seem like it at the time). Hang in there!

 

[Tony2046]

@PatsBoy12

Haven't heard from you buddy.

 

[Boomer B]

PatsBoy12 and Kenneth Sims, any time you guys are feeling down please remember my avatar picture of the ball being snapped past Manning's head in the Super Bowl. Guaranteed to put a smile on your face!

In all seriousness, keep up the fight guys. There is a song U2 wrote years ago for their friend Michael Hutchence (lead singer of the band INXS) who has committed suicide one night when he was very depressed about a family situation. The song Stuck In A Moment is written as a conversation/argument between the 2 friends and that if Michael could have just gotten past that moment he would still be alive. There is no moment or anything that cannot pass guys. It just takes time and effort. Seek out help from professionals, love from the people around you, and keep faith.


And you are such a fool to worry like you do
I know it's tough and you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now, my oh my

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm till you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
It's just a moment, this time will pass

 

[BTTA]

PB12 and Kenneth,

Why don't you c'mon over to the football threads and hang out for a while? Haven't seen signs of you over there (although I certainly am not reading every thread).

There's beer and pizza.

 

[ralmat55]

@PatsBoy12

Haven't heard from you buddy.

I am here my friend and doing well.

 

[neali]

I couldn't stand him either - - he was an idiot bully at Newton South HS and as a Senior picked on my little brother (and many others) when my brother was an entering Freshman.

Now he's out there helping people.

Good illustration that we write our own scripts and can affect our own trajectories.

I can't figure out how to do a PM. Maybe I need more posts? Newton South, small world. I went to SHS on Crescent Ave in Newton Center from 65-73 and then to CM in West Roxbury.

I woulda been a Newton North kid if my parents had allowed public school.

To the OP and KS, women will leave you and often for the same bad guy, similar to their father type that they just escaped. There was a woman I was engaged to that humiliated me. She took up an affair at a company I worked at for 18 years. Everyone knew what was going on but me. I was rotten to some of these people because they were giving my love a hard time.

She had children early, and when I was doing a good job raising then, she went crazy on second shift. It was embarrassing and I have rarely shared this with anyone, let alone a public sports message board. She got her second childhood, but she lost me. I have been supportive over the years when times were tough for her, but I have never let her back into my heart. That place belongs to someone else that I ended up meeting, by accident, many years after we separated. We are getting married in February, 2016. I think there are only two people in the world I have shared this humiliation with before tonight. It gets better. Hang in long enough for it to happen, please...

 

[ralmat55]

I started visiting Patsfans.com in 01 or 02 when it became the home of Miguel's cap pages. Although I have been an erratic poster under a couple of names, Patsfans has been my favorite website ever since - no better place to catch up on the latest of my beloved Patriots.

Last Friday I sat at my desk at work determined in my heart that I was living the last Friday of my life. When, as is my norm, I checked in at mid morning and read the OP of this thread by Patsboy12. It was a Godsend. He had the courage to reach out - did I.

On my lunch hour I composed my original post. It was totally unlike me to do so, but what did I have to lose. What happened next changed my life by saving it.

The outpouring of support, advice and concern by post or PM was amazing. People cared and suddenly I did not feel so lonely in my despair. It was a long weekend and my depression ebbed and flowed but your concern and encouragement continued.

I woke up this morning with her on my mind, and I posted as such along with my concern about being a burden. Andy Johnson and sh messy quickly reminded me that leaving my loved ones to wonder what they could have done to stop it was a greater burden than any other I could make them bear.

Thank you my friends. You have saved my life! This afternoon my insides stopped shaking for the first time in weeks. For the first time since I realized it really was over with my wife, I no longer wanted to be dead.

I am sure tough moments lie ahead particularly as I face a Nov 3rd court date where I stand before a judge alone to end a marriage I never wanted to end. But. I am going to make it. And, when I struggle I have my good friends at Patsfans to help me through it. Thank you my dear friends!

So, instead of being dead by carbon monoxide poisoning as I had planned, I will live another Friday and many many more I hope. Go Pats!!!

 

[neali]

Thank God, Kenneth. Go Pats.

 

[Reckedtrek]

There is a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt (who knew?) that has helped me through a lot of all around relationship (man/woman, boss/employee, etc...) "issues".

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

People can only crush you only if you allow them to. When you take that away from someone, they lose their power over you. They can't control you anymore through intimidation or worse.

Ken, remind yourself of this every day. Many times a day if need be. Think about it. Then make it a part of Ken 2.0. You are a new man, and often emotional/mental evolution is painful, but in the end you will be better than you were before. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

 

[Reckedtrek]

@PatsBoy12 Haven't seen you post in a bit. C'mon, man. Just check in for a minute, or longer if you can. I'm sure there are lots of folks here that will be very happy that you did, including me.

 

[shmessy]

@PatsBoy12 Haven't seen you post in a bit. C'mon, man. Just check in for a minute, or longer if you can. I'm sure there are lots of folks here that will be very happy that you did, including me.

PB's last post was Saturday at 3:25pm, but I see on his profile page he was here last at 6:27pm tonight.

Hope you're doing well, PB12, we're here for you and Kenneth!

 

[PatsBoy12]

Sorry, everyone. I am here. I have been a little busy this weekend (thank goodness). I was trying to do things to occupy my mind a bit. I am trying hard to get back on solid footing right now. I did not mean to neglect the thread at all. I just wanted to take a day to myself. To be honest, it's still a bit up and down. More up the past few days than down, but the downs have been a bit tough. I'm working on it. I will post tonight when I get home from work and I will fill you all in on what's been happening.

Still feel supremely thankful and blessed that there are people like you all to give me strength. I still very much need you all to stay in my corner. I'm glad that Kenneth is around and well. We owe it to you all! Please continue to wish me well in the darkness. It has subsided a bit, but it's still there.