Lots of good advice here. It's your job to get help and you made a terrific move by posting here. I will be redundant and say again please seek professional help. The most important thing you must do is to keep talking about your issues. Without communications you will set your self back on any improvement. Please consult with Professionals. If you need to talk you can PM me other anyone of the others that have offered in this thread. Talk Talk Talk most important. You have taken a major step speaking to your friends at this forum. Best wishes and keep up the good work. We are all your friends. We care about you.