Pape
Pro Bowl Player
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2012
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At the end of July my wife passed away.
It was 13 years ago to the day that I first met her in person. We arranged a meet up in Atlanta, Georgia at DragonCon 2008.
We had met online a few years earlier. It was around 2004-2005, Battle Star Galactica had hit it big. My brother and I watched the show religiously. He wanted to know what the ranks and insignias were all about, I said I'd go on-line to look it up. Found myself on the Sci-Fi.com (now SyFy - the guy who made that name and trade marked it is a **** btw) forums. There were a bunch of boards there, the biggest being the one for Battle Star Galactica. But, half way down the index page was a forum for Firefly... I loved that show, and was heartbroken when fox had cancelled it. I became a regular poster there, along with maybe 20-30 other Browncoats. Day in day out, we chatted with each other, became friends ... all that good stuff.
My better half was there and thats where I met her. We started chatting on the boards... which soon became messaging each other, then emailing, then talking to each other all the time via Yahoo messaging. After a while, she was like "we gotta meet, in person". I dragged my feet for a short bit, but ultimately relented. Wasn't sure where this was going... She lived in a little itty bitty town in Texas named Trinity, I was in RI. so we went to DragonCon, and sparks flew. We enjoyed the Con, spent the rest of the time pouring ourselves into cabs after spending too much time in the local restaurants and bars... lol, it was one hell of a long weekend. I started flying to Texas on the regular. She started coming to RI when she could get off work. We would day trip around Texas or New England, depending on where we were. We just had fun together. No real plans, no hidden agenda. Meet up in New Orleans? Great! Fly down to Houston or the Woodlands to see a concert or two? Fantastic.
In 2013, we finally tied it all up, and moved her to Rhode Island. We had been together ever since. I think since she moved here we had spent less than 3 weeks total apart. We were always together.
A few years ago she started having health issues. One problem... then another. We'd adapt. We'd learn how to manage her issues. No more long hikes hikes thru Trustom Pond NWF? No worries...Ninigret park had some smaller trails. It really didnt matter, because we were together. We worked on things, we got her back to mostly healthy. We could do things. Go fishing at the Quonnie Breachway... Spend the day on Sandy Point... Picnic at the Narragansett Seawall... Spend the Weekend on Block Island... Visit the Stonington Lighthouse Museum... Whale Watches... Carpenters Farmstand... Daytrip to Bristol... see shows at the Stadium Theater (she loved seeing Three Dog Night there!).
2020 was a bad year. It started with her having two surgeries in February and March on her neck to fuse two spinal vertebrae, and then to repair the hardware in her lumber region. She was in constant pain. Couldnt take pain meds, as she was allergic to all of the heavy hitters. She started using a walker near full time. Wheelchairs became part of our lives. And when she couldn't manage, I would carry her.
Back in November, we were supposed to go to Texas for Thanksgiving. She had been feeling rundown for months. Didnt know what it was, but it was something. A week before we were supposed to go, her doctors started calling. Wanted her to get blood work done. She did, they didnt like what they saw. Wanted her in the hospital. she called her doc and said she would take care of it after she got back. Well one doc called another, and then another. she was adamant though. They talked her into getting checked out / more blood work done once more before we left. The day we were supposed to leave, I brought her to the Hospital for tests at 7 am. Brought her home to wait on the result. I packed the car, packed up the food she was bringing. Told her to start packing her bags. Brought her back to the bedroom so she could pack. Half hour later, I came in and she was crying. She couldn't manage. So instead of packing her bags for vacation, we packed a bag for the hospital.
Within 72 hours of being admitted, she was put on a ventilator for the first time. She had sepsis, and her body had gone into shock from ARDS, acute respiratory distress syndrome. She eventually recovered, and came home December 31st. They had found out what caused the sepsis. Had dealt with it the best they could. Wasnt good enough. The day after I got her home, January 1, 2021, the hospital called, said she had been pre-admitted and she needed to come back to the hospital. Five times over the course of 2021 this happened, five times she had extended stays in various ICUs between Westerly, Lawrence & Memorial and Yale... five times she spend up to two weeks on a ventilator.
She fought harder than I have ever seen anyone fight. Day In Day Out. Never quit. Always fought to come home.
Now, shes not coming home to me.
I am at a loss. I have family and friends I can lean on. But I feel isolated. I come home to an empty house. where the was once a bustling kitchen, there is now silence. Where there was once the blaring voice of Guy Fieri echoing thru the living room, there is silence. I feel like I am on auto pilot. Most of the time I am just numb. Until the sadness wells up and takes over. I sleep maybe four hours a night. I have nightmares, where I used to sleep like a log. I dont remember them, but i wake and the sheets are all pulled off the corners of the bed... The worst are what I call the waking nightmares... the images that infrequently come to mind while I am awake... When those happen, I need to stop what I am doing til they pass....
I do know that life goes on. Time heals, mostly. I do know that I will be ok, eventually.
I love her, and I miss her.
It was 13 years ago to the day that I first met her in person. We arranged a meet up in Atlanta, Georgia at DragonCon 2008.
We had met online a few years earlier. It was around 2004-2005, Battle Star Galactica had hit it big. My brother and I watched the show religiously. He wanted to know what the ranks and insignias were all about, I said I'd go on-line to look it up. Found myself on the Sci-Fi.com (now SyFy - the guy who made that name and trade marked it is a **** btw) forums. There were a bunch of boards there, the biggest being the one for Battle Star Galactica. But, half way down the index page was a forum for Firefly... I loved that show, and was heartbroken when fox had cancelled it. I became a regular poster there, along with maybe 20-30 other Browncoats. Day in day out, we chatted with each other, became friends ... all that good stuff.
My better half was there and thats where I met her. We started chatting on the boards... which soon became messaging each other, then emailing, then talking to each other all the time via Yahoo messaging. After a while, she was like "we gotta meet, in person". I dragged my feet for a short bit, but ultimately relented. Wasn't sure where this was going... She lived in a little itty bitty town in Texas named Trinity, I was in RI. so we went to DragonCon, and sparks flew. We enjoyed the Con, spent the rest of the time pouring ourselves into cabs after spending too much time in the local restaurants and bars... lol, it was one hell of a long weekend. I started flying to Texas on the regular. She started coming to RI when she could get off work. We would day trip around Texas or New England, depending on where we were. We just had fun together. No real plans, no hidden agenda. Meet up in New Orleans? Great! Fly down to Houston or the Woodlands to see a concert or two? Fantastic.
In 2013, we finally tied it all up, and moved her to Rhode Island. We had been together ever since. I think since she moved here we had spent less than 3 weeks total apart. We were always together.
A few years ago she started having health issues. One problem... then another. We'd adapt. We'd learn how to manage her issues. No more long hikes hikes thru Trustom Pond NWF? No worries...Ninigret park had some smaller trails. It really didnt matter, because we were together. We worked on things, we got her back to mostly healthy. We could do things. Go fishing at the Quonnie Breachway... Spend the day on Sandy Point... Picnic at the Narragansett Seawall... Spend the Weekend on Block Island... Visit the Stonington Lighthouse Museum... Whale Watches... Carpenters Farmstand... Daytrip to Bristol... see shows at the Stadium Theater (she loved seeing Three Dog Night there!).
2020 was a bad year. It started with her having two surgeries in February and March on her neck to fuse two spinal vertebrae, and then to repair the hardware in her lumber region. She was in constant pain. Couldnt take pain meds, as she was allergic to all of the heavy hitters. She started using a walker near full time. Wheelchairs became part of our lives. And when she couldn't manage, I would carry her.
Back in November, we were supposed to go to Texas for Thanksgiving. She had been feeling rundown for months. Didnt know what it was, but it was something. A week before we were supposed to go, her doctors started calling. Wanted her to get blood work done. She did, they didnt like what they saw. Wanted her in the hospital. she called her doc and said she would take care of it after she got back. Well one doc called another, and then another. she was adamant though. They talked her into getting checked out / more blood work done once more before we left. The day we were supposed to leave, I brought her to the Hospital for tests at 7 am. Brought her home to wait on the result. I packed the car, packed up the food she was bringing. Told her to start packing her bags. Brought her back to the bedroom so she could pack. Half hour later, I came in and she was crying. She couldn't manage. So instead of packing her bags for vacation, we packed a bag for the hospital.
Within 72 hours of being admitted, she was put on a ventilator for the first time. She had sepsis, and her body had gone into shock from ARDS, acute respiratory distress syndrome. She eventually recovered, and came home December 31st. They had found out what caused the sepsis. Had dealt with it the best they could. Wasnt good enough. The day after I got her home, January 1, 2021, the hospital called, said she had been pre-admitted and she needed to come back to the hospital. Five times over the course of 2021 this happened, five times she had extended stays in various ICUs between Westerly, Lawrence & Memorial and Yale... five times she spend up to two weeks on a ventilator.
She fought harder than I have ever seen anyone fight. Day In Day Out. Never quit. Always fought to come home.
Now, shes not coming home to me.
I am at a loss. I have family and friends I can lean on. But I feel isolated. I come home to an empty house. where the was once a bustling kitchen, there is now silence. Where there was once the blaring voice of Guy Fieri echoing thru the living room, there is silence. I feel like I am on auto pilot. Most of the time I am just numb. Until the sadness wells up and takes over. I sleep maybe four hours a night. I have nightmares, where I used to sleep like a log. I dont remember them, but i wake and the sheets are all pulled off the corners of the bed... The worst are what I call the waking nightmares... the images that infrequently come to mind while I am awake... When those happen, I need to stop what I am doing til they pass....
I do know that life goes on. Time heals, mostly. I do know that I will be ok, eventually.
I love her, and I miss her.
