Brrrring!
Kraft: Er, um, hello?
York: Hi Bob I mean Robert! It's Jed York!
Kraft: Who?
York: Jed York from the San Francisco 49ers.
Kraft: Oh, OK, what can I do for you, Ted?
York: It's Jed, Robert. So I want to ask you for a favor. Maybe you heard but we decided to "dismiss" our coach and GM. I love saying "dismiss," it is so much more civilized and pedantic than "fired," don't you think Bob I mean Robert?
Kraft: So you want a favor from me?
York: Yes Robert, we are very interested in talking to Josh McDaniels about becoming our next head coach. He is an impressive young lad and we have tremendous opportunity for him to step up to that next level.
Kraft: So you want a favor from me?
York: Yes Robert, we want your OK to speak with Josh about becoming our head coach. You know we don't actually need your approval because it would be a promotion but we'd like your cooperation because I know your team is getting ready for the playoffs. We'll just need 4 or 5 days of his time this week so he can fly out to San Francisco. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Oh and also we'd like to speak with Nick Cariggio or something like that about being our new GM.
Kraft: Nick who?
York: I'm not sure, it's an Italian name, he's in your personnel department apparently, I don't know him. Again we are offering a chance for a nice promotion for him, and Robert as you know it is an NFL rule the Patriots must agree to let your personnel speak to another club when a promotion.
Kraft: OK York, I don't need you to quote the rulebook for me. I can't stop you from talking to Josh if that's what you want to do, but there's no way we're letting him go for multiple days this week. You guys are welcome to come here and talk to him. I'd suggest Davio's here at Patriot Place. Now, about Nick Caserio, he is our personnel director here, so your GM job is not a promotion from my standpoint. So you do need my permission to speak with him, understood?
York: Well if that's your position I guess we can try to make it work but it's a real pain Robert, I get jet lag really bad when I go east and I'm going to miss my appointment with my spiritual advisor and at least two squash games.
Kraft: Not my problem York. On Caserio, I will talk to Bill and if it's OK with him I'll have someone let you know when you can have that favor from me.
York: Well Kraft, I don't know why you're choosing to be such a hard-ass about rules, but whatever.
Kraft: Sure, when you want a favor from us and we don't lie down it's a pain in the ass right? I remember not too long ago when I was looking for a favor from you, and you told me to take a hike and follow the rules like the rest of you. So I'm taking your advice and going strictly by the rules here OK? If we let you talk to our people we're going to expect you to reciprocate the next time we want something from you, capiche?
York: OK Robert, I will.
IF ONLY
