I Could Use Your Thoughts and Prayers

[SEA_Pat]

Broke down crying when throwing away her Christmas decorations. I was thinking what was so wrong with our life that she had to throw us away. We had a good life. I poured love into her and asked for very little in return. But, that was not enough for her.

I feel so worthless. I loved her with my full devotion and she just threw me away.. Just another failure in a whole lifetime of failures.

Not doing too well tonight as if you could not already tell. When I was 4 years old, I was molested by a babysitter, I do not remember what she did to me, but I remember feeling so dirty and I remember her telling me "that no one would ever love me". She was right. No one ever will.

Dude, that's some hard shyt to live with. And it underlies I would guess a lot of the reason why you're so mortally wounded by your wife leaving you. That just sucks.

But it's not true. The babysitter was evil and was wrong. Your wife was wrong. We love you here and I'm certain if you looked around a bit you'd see that there are many people in your family and circle of friends who love you. This is a chance for you to turn it around and slay those demons. Take it and live. Discard the crap you've been eating and move towards positive people. Take a positive attitude with you and refuse to engage with people who are downers. You can come through this and end up in a far better place. It won't be easy, but it's possible. We're here for you.

 

[Nikolai]

Broke down crying when throwing away her Christmas decorations. I was thinking what was so wrong with our life that she had to throw us away. We had a good life. I poured love into her and asked for very little in return. But, that was not enough for her.

I feel so worthless. I loved her with my full devotion and she just threw me away.. Just another failure in a whole lifetime of failures.

Not doing too well tonight as if you could not already tell. When I was 4 years old, I was molested by a babysitter, I do not remember what she did to me, but I remember feeling so dirty and I remember her telling me "that no one would ever love me". She was right. No one ever will.

Not true at all. I know it feels like it...the one person you feel you could trust. But the world is full of people who wouldn't do something like that. I don't know how much this all helps, but it's important to remember that in all this; she is the one who is wrong. Not you. You did it all right. She is wrong. She's not right. Not by a damned sight.

You're worth a great deal. Don't let her define who you are. I see a man of courage. You're wounded, but you're strong enough to heal.

You're going to have tough nights ahead; sometimes things will remind you of that past. It was a large part of your life. That chapter is over, and the next one is beginning.

It's a clean slate. Your life can be whatever you make it. Believe me.

 

[neuronet]

You are a freaking trooper, just keep soldiering on my man, I know it is hell now, keep grinding and sharing your burden with us, it will lessen with time....

 

[edkk323]

Broke down crying when throwing away her Christmas decorations. I was thinking what was so wrong with our life that she had to throw us away. We had a good life. I poured love into her and asked for very little in return. But, that was not enough for her.

I feel so worthless. I loved her with my full devotion and she just threw me away.. Just another failure in a whole lifetime of failures.

Not doing too well tonight as if you could not already tell. When I was 4 years old, I was molested by a babysitter, I do not remember what she did to me, but I remember feeling so dirty and I remember her telling me "that no one would ever love me". She was right. No one ever will.

I have been there, my friend.
My father is a sick man psychologically speak. There was/is a lot bullshxt in China, systematic corruption and violence. My father could not cope with it so he lashed on the family. As a middle child, I received the most treatment. I remembered one incident clearly till this day. The summer when I was 12, I failed a exam. (I was top 10 of my class academically without trying) Returning from a unsuccessful business trip, he whipped me with his belt. There was no inch of my skin that was intact. After that, I walked up the stairs. It was dark It was quiet and I was alone. I just fking lost it. I just burst down in tears.

This kind of beating became constant. At one point when I was 14, I just could not take it anymore. One day, I walked up to the 10th floor and stared down. I was thinking about jumping. Another thought entered my mind. My uncle committed suicide not long ago. I wondered whether he regretted the millisecond before his head hit the concrete. That was WHEN I decided that I would not find out myself. I WOULD survive. I left my family when I was 14. I would make something out of this miserable life.

Not having a happy childhood and loving parents are tough on any kids. During that time, children learn how to deal with frustration and to deal with conditioned love. We do not have the "luxury"( which should be given to any child).

Kenneth, I speak here with my heart. WE ARE DEFECTIVE, But NOT DAMAGED.
We are sane and resourceful and resilient. We can learn.
These two books helped me tremendously. You want to heal; First, you need to understand the source of that pain.

Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Book by Rachel Reiland
Road Less Travelled Book by M. Scott Peck

Use the knowledge to fight it. When you said you can not be loved, you are absolutely wrong!!!!! WE LOVE YOU!! I am not physically stand by your side. But I am with you spiritually. I understand your pain.

I want to pass this onto you

 

[Hercules Rockefeller]

B, hang in there my man, know that it is only getting better. Just getting a lot of this sheeit off your chest is gonna make it better. Today is a new day and the Pats are going to destroy the damn Dallas Cowboys, so it's going to be a good day. Everyone here loves you, I know I do.

 

[ralmat55]

Thank you all for kind words and encouragement. Having a sad morning to follow up my sad night.

When I met my wife, we needed and wanted each other. She had just lost the love of her life to cancer. I had put my mom in a nursing home as her Alzheimers required more care than I could provide alone.

We loved on each other and made it through. We were two damaged people too soft for this world. I had her back and she had mine. She shared my faith in God. We vowed before God and man that we would share our life till death.

The first 7 years of our life was bliss. I had found a little piece of heaven on earth. She and I loving one another and both of us loving our pets. It was a good life. There were hard times in those years. My mom died and I unsuccessfully tried to start a business and then tried to change careers and failed at that. Through it all she could not have been more supportive and loving.

Maybe it was all a lie, but I do not believe so. Now, it's all gone. In about 9 months. She went away taking her love. I wanted both, I needed both.

I feel betrayed and rejected. I feel as if I failed her. I feel like I failed me. Sorry to ramble again. Hope everyone has a good day, and the Pats beat the Cowpokes.

 

[shmessy]

Thank you all for kind words and encouragement. Having a sad morning to follow up my sad night.

When I met my wife, we needed and wanted each other. She had just lost the love of her life to cancer. I had put my mom in a nursing home as her Alzheimers required more care than I could provide alone.

We loved on each other and made it through. We were two damaged people too soft for this world. I had her back and she had mine. She shared my faith in God. We vowed before God and man that we would share our life till death.

The first 7 years of our life was bliss. I had found a little piece of heaven on earth. She and I loving one another and both of us loving our pets. It was a good life. There were hard times in those years. My mom died and I unsuccessfully tried to start a business and then tried to change careers and failed at that. Through it all she could not have been more supportive and loving.

Maybe it was all a lie, but I do not believe so. Now, it's all gone. In about 9 months. She went away taking her love. I wanted both, I needed both.

I feel betrayed and rejected. I feel as if I failed her. I feel like I failed me. Sorry to ramble again. Hope everyone has a good day, and the Pats beat the Cowpokes.

Ramble on as much as you need, buddy.

Be cleansed.

And then start documenting the new script.

 

[Tony2046]

@PatsBoy12 and @Kenneth Sims

It's Game Day!! Allow this day to momentarily distract you. Have some fun.

One of the best things ever said to me during my ordeal was from my brother.

"Today doesn't exist"

What he meant by that was when things are piling up and weighing down on you that it was good to take one day and push all your troubles aside and to simply focus on you having a good day. Worry about all the problems the next day but today is for you and you only.

What would be a more perfect day to try that than today? Game Day.

Lets Go Guys.

Go Pats

 

[neuronet]

Only one failure in that relationship: she failed to keep her vows and live up to her side of the bargain. That tells me she isn't as great as you thought she was. F her.

Keep using us to lean on until you feel that in your bones!

 

[BTTA]

We loved on each other and made it through. We were two damaged people too soft for this world. I had her back and she had mine. She shared my faith in God. We vowed before God and man that we would share our life till death.

The first 7 years of our life was bliss. I had found a little piece of heaven on earth. She and I loving one another and both of us loving our pets. It was a good life. There were hard times in those years. My mom died and I unsuccessfully tried to start a business and then tried to change careers and failed at that. Through it all she could not have been more supportive and loving.

Maybe it was all a lie, but I do not believe so. Now, it's all gone. In about 9 months. She went away taking her love. I wanted both, I needed both.

I feel betrayed and rejected. I feel as if I failed her. I feel like I failed me. Sorry to ramble again. Hope everyone has a good day, and the Pats beat the Cowpokes.

That's a massive betrayal. It wasn't a lie then; it was as real as it felt. She is wrong now, and the message she's sending (and you are interpreting) is total BS. This will end up tragic for her, as well, but that's not for you to care about right now.

This would be devastating even if you hadn't had that assault by the babysitter.

I'm very close to someone who went through recovery from sexual assualt/abuse, and was there for her through it, so I've seen and read a lot. Every journey is unique of course. Still, there seem to be some generally truths regarding the impact and recovery process. The assault from the babysitter was an assault on your entire being. It had to be developmentally damaging...the normal progress a 4 year should make psychologically would be derailed in some way. You can fix it now. It is incredibly difficult and painful; the fact that you are feeling this degree of despair means you are doing the work. Don't get stuck. Get some help from people who know about this particular situation.

We are all rooting for you. Come to DC sometime and we'll get a meal and we can either just talk football, or more about this.

 

[neuronet]

Kenneth my understanding is you didn't have kids together. Thank God for that, my man. That's all I can say.

Go Pats! Next week: revenge. Stick around for the fun.

 

[ralmat55]

No children. She would have left them too. As I just told Ian by email, my thoughts of suicide are fewer and less intense than they were a week ago.

One sign that I am doing better is I've begun to worry I've made a fool of myself by posting about this. I hope that's not the case.

My depression is still deep and my pain is fierce. My intention is to continue posting because all of you have been so helpful and supportive. I need your help to be whole again as much as I needed it to save my life. Please my friends stay with me..

Have a great day. And enjoy a great Pats win.

 

[SEA_Pat]

No children. She would have left them too. As I just told Ian by email, my thoughts of suicide are fewer and less intense than they were a week ago.

One sign that I am doing better is I've begun to worry I've made a fool of myself by posting about this. I hope that's not the case.

My depression is still deep and my pain is fierce. My intention is to continue posting because all of you have been so helpful and supportive. I need your help to be whole again as much as I needed it to save my life. Please my friends stay with me..

Have a great day. And enjoy a great Pats win.

Step by step and day by day my friend. And by no means are you a fool; the fool is the one who bottles it up and doesn't seek help and support. Men particularly can be very stupid about this. You're hurting, you need some help, we're here for you, end of story. Get well and move forward.

 

[anditsgood]

No children. She would have left them too. As I just told Ian by email, my thoughts of suicide are fewer and less intense than they were a week ago.

One sign that I am doing better is I've begun to worry I've made a fool of myself by posting about this. I hope that's not the case.

My depression is still deep and my pain is fierce. My intention is to continue posting because all of you have been so helpful and supportive. I need your help to be whole again as much as I needed it to save my life. Please my friends stay with me..

Have a great day. And enjoy a great Pats win.

We are here.....

 

[venecol]

It was great to see Patsboy join us in the football threads yesterday. Stay strong brother.

 

[neuronet]

No children. She would have left them too. As I just told Ian by email, my thoughts of suicide are fewer and less intense than they were a week ago.

One sign that I am doing better is I've begun to worry I've made a fool of myself by posting about this. I hope that's not the case.

My depression is still deep and my pain is fierce. My intention is to continue posting because all of you have been so helpful and supportive. I need your help to be whole again as much as I needed it to save my life. Please my friends stay with me..

Have a great day. And enjoy a great Pats win.

You have only increased how much I respect you because the courage it takes to be vulnerable is not something to be scoffed at. The only way you could make a fool of yourself is if you suddenly became a Jets fan. You are smart because you did what it took, took advantage of a great resource that I frankly wouldn't even have thought of, to get help.

And we will continue to listen and carry the load with you, as little as our contribution is, as long as is needed!

 

[Ring 6]

No children. She would have left them too. As I just told Ian by email, my thoughts of suicide are fewer and less intense than they were a week ago.

One sign that I am doing better is I've begun to worry I've made a fool of myself by posting about this. I hope that's not the case.

My depression is still deep and my pain is fierce. My intention is to continue posting because all of you have been so helpful and supportive. I need your help to be whole again as much as I needed it to save my life. Please my friends stay with me..

Have a great day. And enjoy a great Pats win.

You should know by the response you have gotten that you should not feel bad about posting about this. Keep posting people really care.

 

[Tony2046]

No children. She would have left them too. As I just told Ian by email, my thoughts of suicide are fewer and less intense than they were a week ago.

One sign that I am doing better is I've begun to worry I've made a fool of myself by posting about this. I hope that's not the case.

My depression is still deep and my pain is fierce. My intention is to continue posting because all of you have been so helpful and supportive. I need your help to be whole again as much as I needed it to save my life. Please my friends stay with me..

Have a great day. And enjoy a great Pats win.

Nothing to feel foolish about Kenneth. Depression hits a lot of people. It's like getting the flu in that everyone knows what the flu is and are familiar with what the symptoms are.

Eventually the highs you feel will be more sustained and the lows you feel will be less frequent. Just keep on trucking and you will get there.

Thanks for posting.

 

[Kontradiction]

Thank you all for kind words and encouragement. Having a sad morning to follow up my sad night.

When I met my wife, we needed and wanted each other. She had just lost the love of her life to cancer. I had put my mom in a nursing home as her Alzheimers required more care than I could provide alone.

We loved on each other and made it through. We were two damaged people too soft for this world. I had her back and she had mine. She shared my faith in God. We vowed before God and man that we would share our life till death.

The first 7 years of our life was bliss. I had found a little piece of heaven on earth. She and I loving one another and both of us loving our pets. It was a good life. There were hard times in those years. My mom died and I unsuccessfully tried to start a business and then tried to change careers and failed at that. Through it all she could not have been more supportive and loving.

Maybe it was all a lie, but I do not believe so. Now, it's all gone. In about 9 months. She went away taking her love. I wanted both, I needed both.

I feel betrayed and rejected. I feel as if I failed her. I feel like I failed me. Sorry to ramble again. Hope everyone has a good day, and the Pats beat the Cowpokes.

You didn't fail her at all. She failed you. She failed you and she failed everything that was attached to the two of you... and don't you forget that. I only hope that you're a strong enough man to tell her to go kick rocks when she inevitably ****s things up with that guy she ran off with and comes crawling back. And that will happen, Kenneth. I'm as sure of that as I am sure of my own name.

 

[ralmat55]

Exchanged emails with her today. Our (my) 9 year old German shepherd Moses is having bowel troubles in that he can't control when he goes and it hurts him when it does. I figured if I had to worry about it so should the woman whose Smule screen name when she started her adulteress relationship was motherofmoses.

She expressed her concern, asked that I not let him suffer, and said she wanted to know how he was doing. Her last email was that "both of us will be praying for you and Moses". I was tempted to tell her that God doesn't hear the prayers of liars, wife stealers, adulteress, home wreckers and men who abandon their children. But, I decided to play nice.

She also admitted that she was having a "hard adjustment" to life in England. That she would admit that to me only hints at the chaos in her life. Oh well, she made her bed and she's going to have to sleep in it even if it's not a bed of roses.

Enough about her. Please pray for my dog and me. He is my "boy" and I love him greatly. I have lost so much. I do not want to lose him right now. And, if you are not a lying cheating whore or a worthless bastard who left 2 teenage sons and their mother to be with her, God might actually hear your prayer.