I Could Use Your Thoughts and Prayers

[scott99]

Kenneth, I've been there. Lost love is tough to deal with, especially when you give with all your heart, body & soul. I was married to a woman whom I suspect was cheating on me. She was the one who suggested (very strongly) that we get divorced. We were living in San Francisco and I decided to move back to NY where my family is.

Believe me, family is a great support system that helps you get through things. Sure I woke up nights having panic attacks (and worse) but my family got me through things. It wasn't until I learned to love myself again, and realize that it was HER mistake, HER loss, that I was able to love myself again.

Two years after my divorce, I fell deeply in love with a woman who is bipolar. She was perfect for me in that we had so many things in common that it was scary. She knew me and I knew her more deeply than two people could (she admitted she had never let someone know her as deep as I did) I was more deeply in love with her than I ever was with my wife. Unfortunately, not only did it end, she is the type that needed me to stay in her life despite not being together. That was just as painful as the breakup. I had thoughts that the the two of you had, I just wanted the pain to end. And I'm ashamed to admit, I resorted to certain drugs that did that, and drugs that could have killed me. Possibly I was hoping the drugs would do that, and they've been known to do that to others. Luckily, I stopped doing that more than 4 years ago.

Let's face it, unless you a complete jerk, you have a lot to offer people. I suspect you and Patsboy 12 are wonderful people, great people, the fact that you came to ask for help shows you are great people who have deep emotions including love. And the responses here show that everyone here are great caring people. I am still in pain over my lost loves, seeing both women on Facebook with their new men haunts me. But not as much pain as I used to be in. BUT, guess what, I know I'm a great person, just like everyone here. I know that I touch other's lives, just like everyone here does. And I know some of the people whom I touch in life love me, just like people you touch love you. That matters, that matters very deeply. We all touch each other in many ways. Including here at this message board, this thread proves we are all here for each other, we all matter.

 

[ralmat55]

Good morning. I woke up in a funk thinking that if Hollywood did a movie of my life, my wife and her lover would be the heroine and hero despite leaving in their wake a least 4 broken people. I would be the villian. The churlish husband of the heroine who just does not get it that promises and vows are made to be broken when true love calls.

No wonder the world is in the condition it is. I am tired of it. I did nothing wrong but love my wife with my full devotion. Now, I am here. Dead to the world around me already. Going through hell while they are singing and laughing their way through the world. They are laughing at me while I am crying.

 

[jays52]

Kenneth, piggybacking off the movie analogy, some of the most important ones I ever heard in my life were "be the hero in your own movie". It's a fairly famous little line from Joe Rogan's podcast and it has helped me enormously. Your ex and is not the central figure in the movie because the movie is about you. This is the opening scene. This terrible person breaks the heart of the hero, he's holding his nephew, breaking down in tears, feeling like there's nothing left and posting on message boards for comfort and companionship. Thats always the first scene in any inspirational movie. The book is just opening. This is a formative, important experience in your life and the one that five years from now you will look back at and thank for making you into who you are going to become. Clean up that diet, get in shape, read some books, get interesting, crush your career, meet some women, make them swoon, smash goals, do something worthy of a book, and be the baddest motherf*cker out there because you are and that man resides in every single one of us goddamnit. Go bring him out and make your movie bring people to tears of respect and happiness. Five years ago I didn't want to continue either. I have never been happier in my life than I am now. Don't ever quit.

 

[PatsWSB47]

If they are so small and shallow that they can laugh at someone's misery they caused then they will no doubt feel disappointed and failed when the misery fades and you move on. Show them they have failed Kenneth. They are not winners. Kenneth, you are.

 

[scott99]

Good morning. I woke up in a funk thinking that if Hollywood did a movie of my life, my wife and her lover would be the heroine and hero despite leaving in their wake a least 4 broken people. I would be the villian. The churlish husband of the heroine who just does not get it that promises and vows are made to be broken when true love calls.

No wonder the world is in the condition it is. I am tired of it. I did nothing wrong but love my wife with my full devotion. Now, I am here. Dead to the world around me already. Going through hell while they are singing and laughing their way through the world. They are laughing at me while I am crying.

I've been there my friend. But you have to realize, it's her loss, she left a winner to be with a loser. There is no person worse than a person who breaks up a marriage. You are the better person. You didn't do anything wrong, they are the horrible people in this situation, you are the good one. You will find love again, you will find joy again. Try to find joy in the little things first and the big joys will follow. I found them in things like a good meal, or an accomplishment at work, or joyful times with family. I have a nephew who is 15 years old, and I've been lucky enough to watch him grow up from age 6 to age 15 (moved back to NY after my divorce in 2006). We are very close, and he has a combination of influences from his family members, he has a love of video games and joking around, he gets that from his uncle (me). Little joys like watching his successes and being there to help with his problems. I love sports, little things like the start of football or hockey seasons give me a lot of joy.

You mentioned your family. Spend as much time as possible with them. They love you. Watch your nieces and nephews grow, I promise you will get a lot of joy out of it. Be a major part of their lives. You're a great person, influence them in good ways.

Faith, if you are a spiritual person. Spend time at church or temple or whatever you follow. I have a friend who volunteers for many things at his church, and it gives him a lot of joy to help people who have it way worse than him. Also see a psychiatrist, my Dad was borderline alcoholic and found to be clinically depressed. It helped him tremendously, and now after several years he is remarried for 15 years and very happy.

I am more than willing to help out in any way for anyone in need, PM me if you just wanna talk and I will PM anyone my phone number. You are a wonderful person, you are needed, you can make a difference in people's lives.

 

[shmessy]

Kenneth, piggybacking off the movie analogy, some of the most important ones I ever heard in my life were "be the hero in your own movie". It's a fairly famous little line from Joe Rogan's podcast and it has helped me enormously. Your ex and is not the central figure in the movie because the movie is about you. This is the opening scene. This terrible person breaks the heart of the hero, he's holding his nephew, breaking down in tears, feeling like there's nothing left and posting on message boards for comfort and companionship. Thats always the first scene in any inspirational movie. The book is just opening. This is a formative, important experience in your life and the one that five years from now you will look back at and thank for making you into who you are going to become. Clean up that diet, get in shape, read some books, get interesting, crush your career, meet some women, make them swoon, smash goals, do something worthy of a book, and be the baddest motherf*cker out there because you are and that man resides in every single one of us goddamnit. Go bring him out and make your movie bring people to tears of respect and happiness. Five years ago I didn't want to continue either. I have never been happier in my life than I am now. Don't ever quit.

THIS, Kenneth!

We will all swing and miss on our last breath. Brady will, Trump will, the Pope will . Doesn't matter rich or poor, famous or nameless. We all have the rest of eternity to be dead to this world. Why rush it?.

This is YOUR movie.

BUILD YOUR MASTERPIECE, brother.

 

[scott99]

Kenneth, piggybacking off the movie analogy, some of the most important ones I ever heard in my life were "be the hero in your own movie". It's a fairly famous little line from Joe Rogan's podcast and it has helped me enormously. Your ex and is not the central figure in the movie because the movie is about you. This is the opening scene. This terrible person breaks the heart of the hero, he's holding his nephew, breaking down in tears, feeling like there's nothing left and posting on message boards for comfort and companionship. Thats always the first scene in any inspirational movie. The book is just opening. This is a formative, important experience in your life and the one that five years from now you will look back at and thank for making you into who you are going to become. Clean up that diet, get in shape, read some books, get interesting, crush your career, meet some women, make them swoon, smash goals, do something worthy of a book, and be the baddest motherf*cker out there because you are and that man resides in every single one of us goddamnit. Go bring him out and make your movie bring people to tears of respect and happiness. Five years ago I didn't want to continue either. I have never been happier in my life than I am now. Don't ever quit.

I do not like Joe Rogan, I think he's a loud blowhard, but man this is great AND motivating, so true.

 

[shmessy]

I do not like Joe Rogan, I think he's a loud blowhard, but man this is great AND motivating, so true.

I couldn't stand him either - - he was an idiot bully at Newton South HS and as a Senior picked on my little brother (and many others) when my brother was an entering Freshman.

Now he's out there helping people.

Good illustration that we write our own scripts and can affect our own trajectories.

 

[Wordsmyth]

Good morning. I woke up in a funk thinking that if Hollywood did a movie of my life, my wife and her lover would be the heroine and hero despite leaving in their wake a least 4 broken people. I would be the villian. The churlish husband of the heroine who just does not get it that promises and vows are made to be broken when true love calls.

No wonder the world is in the condition it is. I am tired of it. I did nothing wrong but love my wife with my full devotion. Now, I am here. Dead to the world around me already. Going through hell while they are singing and laughing their way through the world. They are laughing at me while I am crying.

Many phonies singing and laughing are overcompensating for the bereaved inner state they cannot shake. You cannot compare yourself to others. Manage your own affairs and work on your own happiness...that is all you can control.

Good luck and God bless.

 

[Tony2046]

Good morning. I woke up in a funk thinking that if Hollywood did a movie of my life, my wife and her lover would be the heroine and hero despite leaving in their wake a least 4 broken people. I would be the villian. The churlish husband of the heroine who just does not get it that promises and vows are made to be broken when true love calls.

No wonder the world is in the condition it is. I am tired of it. I did nothing wrong but love my wife with my full devotion. Now, I am here. Dead to the world around me already. Going through hell while they are singing and laughing their way through the world. They are laughing at me while I am crying.

Hi Kenneth. I remember those feelings but they pass. I don't know how to explain it but once you get past this it won't bother you anymore. Each passing day it will matter less and less. A year from now you will just think "Oh well" and move on to the next phase of your life only stronger. Using your movie analogy you are seeing the beginning of the movie and the ending can be anything you want it to be.

 

[boodog]

Hello PatsBoy12 and Kenneth,
You both matter to all of us and your lives have meaning. To prove a point, after years of reading and enjoying the PatsFans message board while not actually joining the membership, I have finally decided to join. And it is because of both of you. You both have inspired me with your stories and courage to seek help. I have always been impressed with the contributions made by all of the informed membership on all matters Patriots. But the overwhelming and heartfelt support offered to you from the membership here has given this board a new meaning for me. The PatsFans message board is not only the best source of information on the Patriots, but it is also can be a place to find support and comradery from fellow Patriots fans when it really matters. I am so pleased to come aboard and join this family.

So, if you guys happen to find yourselves in a dark place and think that your lives have no meaning, please be assured that by sharing your story, you are not only helping yourselves but you are helping countless others. You certainly have helped me and people that are close to me. I will be sharing this thread with others who will hopefully find comfort in hearing about your stories and how you were able to gain some strength from the sage advice offered by many of the members of PatsFans.

Thanks to you both and thanks to those who offered support. “We are all Patriots”.

Be safe, please.

 

[ralmat55]

The outpouring of support has been overwhelming to me. Some posts and PMs have brought me to tears. Of course, it does not take much to make me cry these days..

I have never thought myself as a leading character not even in my own life. Guess it's time I did.

Guys I am going to fight. Thoughts of the relief of death are ever present in my mind, but I am going to try to not dwell on them. Going to try being positive and hopeful. I have tons to live for. Beautiful little children who I want to see grow up, a sister who is the best big sister any little brother could ask for plus friends including my great friends here at Patsfans.com. who might have saved my life this weekend.

Finally, this is a great community because of its leader. Ian has emailed me since my first post to check on me. He promised he would do so for as long as it takes.

I really do want to feel right again someday. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

 

[shmessy]

Hello PatsBoy12 and Kenneth,
You both matter to all of us and your lives have meaning. To prove a point, after years of reading and enjoying the PatsFans message board while not actually joining the membership, I have finally decided to join. And it is because of both of you. You both have inspired me with your stories and courage to seek help. I have always been impressed with the contributions made by all of the informed membership on all matters Patriots. But the overwhelming and heartfelt support offered to you from the membership here has given this board a new meaning for me. The PatsFans message board is not only the best source of information on the Patriots, but it is also can be a place to find support and comradery from fellow Patriots fans when it really matters. I am so pleased to come aboard and join this family.

So, if you guys happen to find yourselves in a dark place and think that your lives have no meaning, please be assured that by sharing your story, you are not only helping yourselves but you are helping countless others. You certainly have helped me and people that are close to me. I will be sharing this thread with others who will hopefully find comfort in hearing about your stories and how you were able to gain some strength from the sage advice offered by many of the members of PatsFans.

Thanks to you both and thanks to those who offered support. “We are all Patriots”.

Be safe, please.

Patsboy and Kenneth, do you see the ripple positive effect you two have ALREADY had on countless peoples' lives? We all just see those who post. There are the family members of those who post and the lurkers.

I am willing to bet that when you initially posted, that neither of you thought you were positively affecting other people with your courage to reach out.

You are both positive beams of light. Your lives are not in vain.

 

[scott99]

The outpouring of support has been overwhelming to me. Some posts and PMs have brought me to tears. Of course, it does not take much to make me cry these days..

I have never thought myself as a leading character not even in my own life. Guess it's time I did.

Guys I am going to fight. Thoughts of the relief of death are ever present in my mind, but I am going to try to not dwell on them. Going to try being positive and hopeful. I have tons to live for. Beautiful little children who I want to see grow up, a sister who is the best big sister any little brother could ask for plus friends including my great friends here at Patsfans.com. who might have saved my life this weekend.

Finally, this is a great community because of its leader. Ian has emailed me since my first post to check on me. He promised he would do so for as long as it takes.

I really do want to feel right again someday. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Just remember Kenneth, you matter, you matter to your kids, you matter to your sister, you matter to everyone here. You have a positive effect on everyone you touch, and their lives going forward. What has happened to you will pass, and you need to watch your beautiful kids grow up. You need to be there for your older sister. And you need to be here for us. Stay strong buddy, you can do it.

 

[neali]

Thank you Patsboy12 for sharing with us. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

You are not alone. I am fighting for my life as well. In July, my wife left to be with a man from England she met on the Internet. Two weeks ago today he came to take her back home with him to England. The next day I was sitting in the floor of the upstairs closet where my wife launched her affair with a knife in my hand ready to cut myself until I bled to death. A call from my sister and nephew that they were visiting stopped my plan as I did not want them to find me.

Since then, my wife has gone to England with her lover, and I can see pictures and watch videos of them cavorting on the English countryside on the website where they met. Everyone who knows my wife including coworkers at the police department where she worked believe she is experiencing a severe mental health episode, but none of us could stop her from flying off with a man she knows nothing about except what he wanted her to see.

I am beside myself with sadness, anger and fear for the woman I still love dearly. I just want to escape my skin and run as far and fast as I can. Thoughts of suicide are constantly in my mind. I have a firm plan and date to carry it out.

Please pray for me. A week from today I will be dead by my own hand if this curtain of depression does not lift.

I will pray for you, Kenneth Simms and the OP.

 

[BTTA]

I have never thought myself as a leading character not even in my own life. Guess it's time I did.

This statement really stands out to me.

Great catch, Kenneth! Seems like that's a really excellent and pragmatic theme to ride for the next few years. Each morning..."What am I going to do to be my own leading character today?"

I suspect that making this shift in attitude will lead to you being in relationships with different, more respectful people. Just a hunch.

And, of course, figure out what happened in your life that caused you to back away from being the leading character, so you can untangle all of the threads of that as much as possible and forgive yourself.

Hope that's helpful.

Matt

 

[Tony2046]

@PatsBoy12

Did you ever think your thread would have received more than 5800 views and 11 pages of replies?

Remarkable.

 

[2_LAW_4]

patsboy,
I'm proud of you for doing the right thing and seeking help and being able to talk about your problems. So often, those who are suffering from depression feel all alone and don't reach out to family or friends for support and advice. Because you're doing that, I think you're on the right track. Life brings upon many challenges, some harder than others, but you got to be strong and take them on. If you find yourself weak or vulnerable, that's when you need to turn to your family and friends for that additional support and comfort.

Stay strong my friend!

 

[HeadHunter]

You know what? You PB12 and Kenneth are an inspiration. Depression is a deep dark place that only those have been through it, can really understand it. You reached out for help and that in itself is CORAGEUS. And you and Kenneth found each other and can help each other through the dark times you find yourselves in. I have been where you are, not for the same exact reasons but there was a time in my life where I was so riddled with anxiety I could not leave my house. But I fought the good fight and now I absolutely love to travel and I have no restrictions. But it felt like hell to get this far. I am glad I did though. You both are fighters and I pray you will continue to fight too. Hang in there. So many people care about you both.

 

[Jackson 2]

I think most of us have moments when we look enviously at others and wonder why our lives aren't perfect like their lives are. In reality, the vast majority of us have very imperfect lives. Most of us have problems which at times seem insurmountable and most of us have moments when we're exhausted from dealing with and worrying about those problems. However, except for a very fortunate few, we're all battling with and existing with conditions over which we have very little or no control. The knowledge that we can't solve those conditions can be overwhelming. The human spirit does, however, prevail and that human spirit has its origin in and is fueled by the caring and concern of others. One need not search any further than this forum to see concrete evidence of that concern. There are loads of good people on this earth and a fair number of them are here. Anyway, there are some things that we can all be thankful for and agree about: 1) the Jets suck; 2) the Ravens suck; 3) the Colts suck. Holy ****, I feel better already...