I Could Use Your Thoughts and Prayers

[Kontradiction]

On a side note, can we sticky this thread?

 

[Tony2046]

Thank you Patsboy12 for sharing with us. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

You are not alone. I am fighting for my life as well. In July, my wife left to be with a man from England she met on the Internet. Two weeks ago today he came to take her back home with him to England. The next day I was sitting in the floor of the upstairs closet where my wife launched her affair with a knife in my hand ready to cut myself until I bled to death. A call from my sister and nephew that they were visiting stopped my plan as I did not want them to find me.

Since then, my wife has gone to England with her lover, and I can see pictures and watch videos of them cavorting on the English countryside on the website where they met. Everyone who knows my wife including coworkers at the police department where she worked believe she is experiencing a severe mental health episode, but none of us could stop her from flying off with a man she knows nothing about except what he wanted her to see.

I am beside myself with sadness, anger and fear for the woman I still love dearly. I just want to escape my skin and run as far and fast as I can. Thoughts of suicide are constantly in my mind. I have a firm plan and date to carry it out.

Please pray for me. A week from today I will be dead by my own hand if this curtain of depression does not lift.

Your post is very similar to what I went through 20 years ago. The guy my ex left me for ended up being a women beater. At one point I had to go over to their apartment and tell him a few things which in hindsight it is rather funny now. He said to me " Dude if you hit me I'll sue you" and I replied "for what? The women you're living with just took everything I had". hahaha

I don't hate my ex for leaving because she was a good person but in life sometimes the puzzle pieces don't work. We married too young and when we got older we simply had too many differences.

Anyways I can guarantee you that it does get better. You'll get stronger. You'll get to the point where the good times you had will be good memories and you will understand that for whatever reason it just didn't work out.

Do something for yourself that you would enjoy. I had never gone to a strip club while I was married so after she left I thought "screw it I'm going to a strip club". Bad idea btw for various reasons.

I hope when reading this post you understand two things, 1. That I was once in a similar mind set as you and 2. I not only got out of it I was stronger for it.

Please look into getting some help. Depression is a well researched condition that many many people have had to deal with. Just as there is medication to get rid of a head ache there is medication to help you feel better.

You can DM me anytime.

 

[slash83]

God bless you keep your head up.

 

[ralmat55]

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post. Your heart felt responses have touched me and encouraged me. To those who generously gave me their permission to contact them, thank you and you might hear from me.

I have gone to counseling and last week I was prescribed antidepressants by my doctor. My sister knows that I am having these thoughts as does a good friend and co worker who has struggled with depression in the past. This same friend, at my request, put parental controls on my phone and pad, so I no longer subject myself to watching and listening to my wife and her lover as they sing bad karaoke along the English countryside.

Despite all of this the depression continues as do the thoughts of ending my pain the only way I know how. It is about the girl. I know wifes betraying husbands and vice versa is the oldest of human stories. But to understand, you have to know my journey.

From when I was thirteen year old until I was 46 years old, I served as my mother's lifeline to sanity and life. She fell into a deep depression when my father left us when I was thirteen and never came out of it until Alzheimer's pushed it out of her mind.

I sacrificed the fun things most young men enjoy to stay as near her as she needed under the constant fear that if I wandered away too far she would take her own life. Now it is me who contemplates taking his life. During those years, I prayed that I would find love after my duty to my mother was over. Then, I found her. The answer to my every prayer. A woman as beautiful on the inside as she was on the out. Kind, generous and caring walking with the Lord ss closely and sincerely as me. The first 7 years of out life was wonderful. We were best friends who went everywhere and did everything together. She always wanted me by her side and I never wanted to be anywhere else.

How we got to our current point will always baffle me. How my wife could turn from woman she was to a woman who would email her lover while she laid next to me in bed. A woman who could betray her vows to me without remorse and who would relentlessly and ruthlessly seduce a man to leave his two teenage sons and their mother to be with her. I can not reconcile the two. Both her parents were bipolar. And, on two occasions, she told me that "she didn't like the old (her) because she was too nice so she put her away".

I will always love the woman she was. I will always long for her. It tortures me. Sorry for rambling on so long. Thank you all for your advice and concern.

 

[farn]

Life is very difficult. You clearly have people who care about you. Lean on their strength and caring.

Time will help - but you need to get yourself that time by staying strong and focusing on positive thoughts. Continue seeing the professionals. The meds take time as well. Good luck, I'm thinking about you.

 

[sambam94]

Kenneth, if your wife is bi polar there is nothing you could have done. If that is the reason, you don't need to feel "baffled" by what she did. It was not your fault. You must believe that.

 

[PatsBoy12]

Hello Pats family. I am checking in tonight so you all know there is still breath in these lungs and a life sustained. You all made that possible. You all made it possible for me to sleep last night. And even though I didn't sleep through the night, I survived. I lived another day. Two of you even texted to check on me, and only because I don't know how either of you would deal with me mentioned your names, I will refrain. As I type this, the tears are welling up. But they are not coming on because I'm necessarily sad. They're happening because I never expected this support. I kid you not. I was desperate. I have people calling me and texting me. I have Kontra asking to sticky the thread. We are 8 pages deep. WOW!

WOW!

I feel blessed to have formed relationships with you all. I still feel I must apologize at least a little for making my burdens your burdens, but it was the only thing I could do to survive at that very moment. I wish I could tell you I'm all better, but you all know that it simply would not be true. I am in a fight. And all I can ask, though I feel it is asking a lot, is that you all keep up the kind words. At the end of the night when I lay my head down it will be the words on this board that I think about. Someone in this thread actually feels they should be thanking me. Wow! I reject that (very respectfully). Whatever I have done for you cannot amount to what you have done for me. I say that with all my heart.

I am still knocking out the thank you PMs. I ask that you all are patient with me. As you can see, I have a lot of responses to write. I'm not just copying and pasting things. I promise if you all stay strong with me, I will not give up. You all are my army. You all are my refuge. You all are my escape. You all are my strength. You all are my friends. Thank you from the bottom to the top and back again of my heart. Would it be crazy to say that I love you all so much right now? I hope not because that is genuinely how I feel. And I know you all don't know me, but the people who do will tell you that I never say those words unless I mean them. Go Pats! Go Patsfans.com!

 

[shmessy]

Hello Pats family. I am checking in tonight so you all know there is still breath in these lungs and a life sustained. You all made that possible. You all made is possible for me to sleep last night. And even though I didn't sleep through the night, I survived. I lived another day. Two of you even texted to check on me, and only because I don't know how either of you would deal with me mentioned your names, I will refrain. As I type this, the tears are welling up. But they are not coming on because I'm necessarily sad. They're happening because I never expected this support. I kid you not. I was desperate. I have people calling me and texting me. I have Kontra asking to sticky the thread. We are 8 pages deep. WOW!

WOW!

I feel blessed to have formed relationships with you all. I still feel I must apologize at least a little for making my burdens your burdens, but it was the only thing I could do to survive at that very moment. I wish I could tell you I'm all better, but you all know that it simply would not be true. I am in a fight. And all I can ask, though I feel it is asking a lot, is that you all keep up the kind words. At the end of the night when I lay my head down it will be the words on this board that I think about. Someone in this thread actually feels they should be thanking me. Wow! I reject that (very respectfully). Whatever I have done for you cannot amount to what you have done for me. I say that with all my heart.

I am still knocking out the thank you PMs. I ask that you all are patient with me. As you can see, I have a lot of responses to write. I'm not just copying and pasting things. I promise if you all stay strong with me, I will not give up. You all are my army. You all are my refuge. You all are my escape. You all are my strength. You all are my friends. Thank you from the bottom to the top and back again of my heart. Would it be crazy to say that I love you all so much right now? I hope not because that is genuinely how I feel. And I know you all don't know me, but the people who do will tell you that I never say those words unless I mean them. Go Pats! Go Patsfans.com!

Winner.

And don't you forget that.

(And you too, Kenneth Simms)
.

 

[PatsBoy12]

Thank you Patsboy12 for sharing with us. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

You are not alone. I am fighting for my life as well. In July, my wife left to be with a man from England she met on the Internet. Two weeks ago today he came to take her back home with him to England. The next day I was sitting in the floor of the upstairs closet where my wife launched her affair with a knife in my hand ready to cut myself until I bled to death. A call from my sister and nephew that they were visiting stopped my plan as I did not want them to find me.

Since then, my wife has gone to England with her lover, and I can see pictures and watch videos of them cavorting on the English countryside on the website where they met. Everyone who knows my wife including coworkers at the police department where she worked believe she is experiencing a severe mental health episode, but none of us could stop her from flying off with a man she knows nothing about except what he wanted her to see.

I am beside myself with sadness, anger and fear for the woman I still love dearly. I just want to escape my skin and run as far and fast as I can. Thoughts of suicide are constantly in my mind. I have a firm plan and date to carry it out.

Please pray for me. A week from today I will be dead by my own hand if this curtain of depression does not lift.

Let's lean on each other, Kenneth. Let's end the cycle. Let's stand strong. Read the responses in this thread. I beg you like many begged me to not do anything crazy. How ironic are those words coming from me? But I mean them. People on this board and in my more personal life have gotten me to see the value of holding on a little longer. I know I have a tough road ahead of me, but it's easier when you have people backing you. You, like me, are not alone. We both have an army behind us, in front of us and at our sides. STAY ALIVE! STAY STRONG! STAY COURAGEOUS! PLEASE!

 

[PatsBoy12]

Winner.

And don't you forget that.

(And you too, Kenneth Simms)
.

Shmessy, thank you so much! I have your PM in the works, but I just wanted to say thank you now. Thank you with all my heart!

 

[Patjew]

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post. Your heart felt responses have touched me and encouraged me. To those who generously gave me their permission to contact them, thank you and you might hear from me.

I have gone to counseling and last week I was prescribed antidepressants by my doctor. My sister knows that I am having these thoughts as does a good friend and co worker who has struggled with depression in the past. This same friend, at my request, put parental controls on my phone and pad, so I no longer subject myself to watching and listening to my wife and her lover as they sing bad karaoke along the English countryside.

Despite all of this the depression continues as do the thoughts of ending my pain the only way I know how. It is about the girl. I know wifes betraying husbands and vice versa is the oldest of human stories. But to understand, you have to know my journey.

From when I was thirteen year old until I was 46 years old, I served as my mother's lifeline to sanity and life. She fell into a deep depression when my father left us when I was thirteen and never came out of it until Alzheimer's pushed it out of her mind.

I sacrificed the fun things most young men enjoy to stay as near her as she needed under the constant fear that if I wandered away too far she would take her own life. Now it is me who contemplates taking his life. During those years, I prayed that I would find love after my duty to my mother was over. Then, I found her. The answer to my every prayer. A woman as beautiful on the inside as she was on the out. Kind, generous and caring walking with the Lord ss closely and sincerely as me. The first 7 years of out life was wonderful. We were best friends who went everywhere and did everything together. She always wanted me by her side and I never wanted to be anywhere else.

How we got to our current point will always baffle me. How my wife could turn from woman she was to a woman who would email her lover while she laid next to me in bed. A woman who could betray her vows to me without remorse and who would relentlessly and ruthlessly seduce a man to leave his two teenage sons and their mother to be with her. I can not reconcile the two. Both her parents were bipolar. And, on two occasions, she told me that "she didn't like the old (her) because she was too nice so she put her away".

I will always love the woman she was. I will always long for her. It tortures me. Sorry for rambling on so long. Thank you all for your advice and concern.

Kenneth... You are not alone. I spent my 15-18 years self keeping my suicidal mother alive. Some years later I married the love of my life. She ended up being ill with bipolar disorder and hurt me in a similar way that your wife did, and then left my kids and me in the worst way possible.

And I love her very much still.

This isn't to make you feel better. This is to tell you, again, you are not alone. Actually, maybe this is to make you feel better. Let me tell you something about life: it ****ing goes on. Somehow life keeps going and brings us things to be happy about a riled up about and passionate about and... life makes us live.

I am so sorry for your pain. My friend, I truly believe that you will be OK. You are living a rich and tragic and full life and it will calm down. You have many happy times ahead of you.

You are you. You are not your mom or wife. Be you and try and be happy.

If you need anything please PM me.

 

[Nikolai]

Keep going brother!

Even if it's just one night at a time to start, keep going!

Thanks for coming back to check in.

 

[sambam94]

guys, do you really not want to be around to see Brady get ring #5...that should be motivation enough.

 

[Froob]

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post. Your heart felt responses have touched me and encouraged me. To those who generously gave me their permission to contact them, thank you and you might hear from me.

I have gone to counseling and last week I was prescribed antidepressants by my doctor. My sister knows that I am having these thoughts as does a good friend and co worker who has struggled with depression in the past. This same friend, at my request, put parental controls on my phone and pad, so I no longer subject myself to watching and listening to my wife and her lover as they sing bad karaoke along the English countryside.

Despite all of this the depression continues as do the thoughts of ending my pain the only way I know how. It is about the girl. I know wifes betraying husbands and vice versa is the oldest of human stories. But to understand, you have to know my journey.

From when I was thirteen year old until I was 46 years old, I served as my mother's lifeline to sanity and life. She fell into a deep depression when my father left us when I was thirteen and never came out of it until Alzheimer's pushed it out of her mind.

I sacrificed the fun things most young men enjoy to stay as near her as she needed under the constant fear that if I wandered away too far she would take her own life. Now it is me who contemplates taking his life. During those years, I prayed that I would find love after my duty to my mother was over. Then, I found her. The answer to my every prayer. A woman as beautiful on the inside as she was on the out. Kind, generous and caring walking with the Lord ss closely and sincerely as me. The first 7 years of out life was wonderful. We were best friends who went everywhere and did everything together. She always wanted me by her side and I never wanted to be anywhere else.

How we got to our current point will always baffle me. How my wife could turn from woman she was to a woman who would email her lover while she laid next to me in bed. A woman who could betray her vows to me without remorse and who would relentlessly and ruthlessly seduce a man to leave his two teenage sons and their mother to be with her. I can not reconcile the two. Both her parents were bipolar. And, on two occasions, she told me that "she didn't like the old (her) because she was too nice so she put her away".

I will always love the woman she was. I will always long for her. It tortures me. Sorry for rambling on so long. Thank you all for your advice and concern.

No need to apogize. Please post here anytime nobody here will be bothered. Glad you got some help. Feel free to PM me too anytime you need someone to talk to.

 

[PatriotsReign]

Hello Pats family. I am checking in tonight so you all know there is still breath in these lungs and a life sustained. You all made that possible. You all made is possible for me to sleep last night. And even though I didn't sleep through the night, I survived. I lived another day. Two of you even texted to check on me, and only because I don't know how either of you would deal with me mentioned your names, I will refrain. As I type this, the tears are welling up. But they are not coming on because I'm necessarily sad. They're happening because I never expected this support. I kid you not. I was desperate. I have people calling me and texting me. I have Kontra asking to sticky the thread. We are 8 pages deep. WOW!

WOW!

I feel blessed to have formed relationships with you all. I still feel I must apologize at least a little for making my burdens your burdens, but it was the only thing I could do to survive at that very moment. I wish I could tell you I'm all better, but you all know that it simply would not be true. I am in a fight. And all I can ask, though I feel it is asking a lot, is that you all keep up the kind words. At the end of the night when I lay my head down it will be the words on this board that I think about. Someone in this thread actually feels they should be thanking me. Wow! I reject that (very respectfully). Whatever I have done for you cannot amount to what you have done for me. I say that with all my heart.

I am still knocking out the thank you PMs. I ask that you all are patient with me. As you can see, I have a lot of responses to write. I'm not just copying and pasting things. I promise if you all stay strong with me, I will not give up. You all are my army. You all are my refuge. You all are my escape. You all are my strength. You all are my friends. Thank you from the bottom to the top and back again of my heart. Would it be crazy to say that I love you all so much right now? I hope not because that is genuinely how I feel. And I know you all don't know me, but the people who do will tell you that I never say those words unless I mean them. Go Pats! Go Patsfans.com!

Amen PB12!! Please keep living 24 hours at a time. It's kept me going for almost 26 years.

 

[Crazy Patriot Guy]

Keep fighting guys. I too reached a point years ago thinking things were never going to get better. I never considered suicide but I understood it. I came to understanding the hopelessness that would make a person give up. Don't. Life's worth the fight. Things will get better.

 

[BTTA]

Let's lean on each other, Kenneth. Let's end the cycle. Let's stand strong. Read the responses in this thread. I beg you like many begged me to not do anything crazy. How ironic are those words coming from me? But I mean them. People on this board and in my more personal life have gotten me to see the value of holding on a little longer. I know I have a tough road ahead of me, but it's easier when you have people backing you. You, like me, are not alone. We both have an army behind us, in front of us and at our sides. STAY ALIVE! STAY STRONG! STAY COURAGEOUS! PLEASE!

This may be the best thing to come out of this thread...for you two guys to find each other through this. Again, who woulda' thunk it?! Excellent.

 

[Gumby]

PatsBoy12, Kenneth, and anyone else who needs it:

My prayers go out to you. You are special and we want you around.

Many have offered better long-term advice then I can give, take it and act on it. But one short-term thing I can offer is this:

Consider downloading and having it (or other meaningful music to you) to play on your phone whenever you feel weak or have those thoughts.

Music can help sometimes. At the time this song came out, I was going through a difficult time. I found it a blessing that re-oriented my thinking on some of my troubles. I may or may not have NEEDED to hear the song, but every time I did, I felt better. So, maybe it can help one of you too in that moment when you are feeling alone and you just need to get thru long enough til you reach other resources or til you can remember there are those who care about you.

I'll just post the lyrics as well: DON'T LET GO---

"Wonderful Life"

On a bridge across the Severn on a Saturday night,
Susie meets the man of her dreams.
He says that he'd got in trouble and if she doesn't mind
He doesn't want the company.

But there's something in the air
They share a look in silence
And everything is understood.
Susie grabs her man and puts a grip on his hand
As the rain puts a tear in his eye.

She says:
Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life. [x2]

Driving through the city to the Temple station,
Cries into the leather seat
And Susie knows her baby was a family man,
But the world has got him down on his knees.

So she throws him at the wall and kisses burn like fire,
And suddenly he starts to believe
He takes her in his arms and he doesn't know why,
But he thinks that he begins to see.

She says:
Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life. [x4]

She says:
Don't let go
Never give up.
Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life.

Wonderful life, wonderful life,
wonderful, wonderful, wonderful life. [x2]

Don't let go. [x2]

 

[Ian]

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post. Your heart felt responses have touched me and encouraged me. To those who generously gave me their permission to contact them, thank you and you might hear from me.

I have gone to counseling and last week I was prescribed antidepressants by my doctor. My sister knows that I am having these thoughts as does a good friend and co worker who has struggled with depression in the past. This same friend, at my request, put parental controls on my phone and pad, so I no longer subject myself to watching and listening to my wife and her lover as they sing bad karaoke along the English countryside.

Despite all of this the depression continues as do the thoughts of ending my pain the only way I know how. It is about the girl. I know wifes betraying husbands and vice versa is the oldest of human stories. But to understand, you have to know my journey.

From when I was thirteen year old until I was 46 years old, I served as my mother's lifeline to sanity and life. She fell into a deep depression when my father left us when I was thirteen and never came out of it until Alzheimer's pushed it out of her mind.

I sacrificed the fun things most young men enjoy to stay as near her as she needed under the constant fear that if I wandered away too far she would take her own life. Now it is me who contemplates taking his life. During those years, I prayed that I would find love after my duty to my mother was over. Then, I found her. The answer to my every prayer. A woman as beautiful on the inside as she was on the out. Kind, generous and caring walking with the Lord ss closely and sincerely as me. The first 7 years of out life was wonderful. We were best friends who went everywhere and did everything together. She always wanted me by her side and I never wanted to be anywhere else.

How we got to our current point will always baffle me. How my wife could turn from woman she was to a woman who would email her lover while she laid next to me in bed. A woman who could betray her vows to me without remorse and who would relentlessly and ruthlessly seduce a man to leave his two teenage sons and their mother to be with her. I can not reconcile the two. Both her parents were bipolar. And, on two occasions, she told me that "she didn't like the old (her) because she was too nice so she put her away".

I will always love the woman she was. I will always long for her. It tortures me. Sorry for rambling on so long. Thank you all for your advice and concern.

Just answered your email (so check it! ), and again, like @PatsBoy12, I'm glad you took the time to post something here because, as you can see, you've also definitely got plenty of people who care about you

 

[Reckedtrek]

Ken, as I said to PB12, most people don't want to die, they want the pain to stop. You said so yourself. And it will! It absolutely will, but you've got to hang in there. Make a call, talk to a professional AND your family and friend(s).

She hurt you very, very badly. Please don't allow her disorder hurt your loved ones (think about that - Your loved ones) by extension by carrying out your plan.

And regarding your plan... We're all human, and we're in this together. We make mistakes, we learn, and we move on. Please give yourself the permission to start that journey of recovery and speak to someone who can help you. Give yourself the opportunity to vent, express, release, and then heal. We (humans) are all in this (life) together. Nobody goes it alone. You get that, because you spoke up! And a very sincere THANK YOU for being just like PB12 and having the strength and courage to do so. Let that be your new plan - reach out, and keep reaching out and someday someone will reach out to you for help, too.

As I said to PB12, you matter more than you will ever know. Accept and know this is true. Peace be with you. Be well!

-David