I'd say "nice try" but this doesn't qualify. There's got to be a meme, somewhere, of a guy shooting himself in both feet with a bazooka. In your case this will have to suffice ...
So, we've learned today you have no friends.
I don't know what's so difficult about this.
I don't listen to 98.5.
Here're my texts with my friend:
FRIEND: Jor-don has been banned from the UNC football facility.
ME:
Banned? By whom?
Sounds like Belichick is there for one year and that’s it
By the school?
FRIEND: [LINK]
ME: Gossip
FRIEND:
I think the guy who’s reporting this was the one who first broke the Jor-don story in the first place.
ME:
Huh, I don't really know him
FRIEND:
Anyway, Now that we know they were involved when BB started driving the Patsmobile into a ditch, a lot of pieces are coming together. Morning show has her as Yoko.
ME:
Could be he "overworked." I might stick to the idea that Bobby Boy's internal mutiny couple with the brilliance of Mac Jones was more to blame. It didn't really matter if he was dating Jordon or a corpse or a JD Vance couch.
....
SOME TIME LATER:
ME: I just looked the story up. This is what passes for journalism these days?
FRIEND:
Torre was an ESPN guy. I dunno. When the larger outlets pick it up I give it at least _some_ credibility. We’ll see what emerges, but after the CBS fiasco, sounds about right.
Sporting News running it.
ME: Ah, the unimpeachable TSN. The CBS thing seemed like a hit piece to me. Of course he wasn’t going to discuss his personal life.
FRIEND: But she’s blasted their personal life all over the place? Man, you’re all in to the ashes!
ME: Let me introduce you to Gen Z.
ME: you follow this a lot closer than I do. Morning Boston sports talk, literally the ashes.
If this is true, likely that Belichick is one and done. It is a really weird take by UNC though, given what we’ve seen at other campuses. The coach of the NCAA champ men’s basketball team at Florida. Look that guy up. Google him and dating students