Okay, this slipped to the second page, which is truly unacceptable. I'd like to throw out a few observations:
1) Prostitutes and porn stars who proudly advertise their willingness to suck and aptitude at doing so, suck less than the Jete.
2) The Jete suck so hard that vacuums are not used in New Jersey during football season. They put on the game and let nature take its course.
3) However we rank the available talent in the draft, the moment any poor bastard puts on his Jete ball-cap, his career is effectively over. Scientists are studying the caps to better understand the cause and effect of this interaction.
4) Athletics are generally touted as a way to steer youth away from drugs. This does not work in NJ, as there are at least one million opioid addicts with better work habits than the Jete. They have to stop being so motivated to go to Jete training camp.
5) \W/estworld fans have a theory that Metlife stadium (8 weeks every season) is actually a Delos Corporation park called Jeteworld, where the guests are guaranteed to win, the hosts are programmed to meet a tragic demise, and where the QB goes through his reads muttering "It doesn't look like anything to me."
6) Jete fans like to comfort themselves that it can hardly get any worse. They also voiced this opinion from time to time before the Butt Fumble. It logically follows that they can suck harder than the butt fumble.
7) The late Verne Troyer, God rest his soul, thought the Jete came up short.
8) The late Herve Villechaize also thought this.
9) Woody Johnson (which Urban Dictionary translates as "Male Genitals Male Genitals"), upon becoming an ambassador, was happy to come on board with the government, because the Jete were dysfunctional by comparison.
10) Vince Lombardi said that coaches who can draw up a play on a blackboard are a dime a dozen, but the ones who win are the ones who can get inside players and motivate them. Todd Bowles misunderstood the "get inside the player" part.
11) Since 1969, 12 men have walked on the moon. Zero men have won a Super Bowl ring with the New Jersey Jete.
12) On Apollo 13, Jim Lovell, Jack Swigert, and Fred Haise, backed by the combined brain-power of Mission Control and the engineers of NASA, performed an unscheduled circumlunar return, using the lunar module as a "lifeboat" after all fuel and power were lost on the command module. Just one famous improvisation involved connecting the incompatible canisters on the command module with the lunar module's canister-sockets by drawing air through them with a suit return hose. There were many others.
Jim Lovell, Jack Swigert, and Fred Haise, if given the opportunity, could not fix the Jete.
13) Recently discovered broadcast from Apollo 13: "Never mind, Houston, we thought we had a problem, but then we saw the Jete."
14) in 1981, some fan came up with the name "New York Sack Exchange." That year, the Jete had 66 sacks, and the NY Stock Exchange produced a final Dow Jones number of 875.00.
In 2017, the Dow closed at 24,719.22. The Jete had 28 sacks. Their opponents sacked them 47 times.
15) There are 1760 yards in a mile. Tom Brady has passed for 66,159 yards (37.6 miles) in the regular season and 10,226 yards (5.8 miles) in the playoffs, for a total of 43 miles.
Only six Jete quarterbacks ever have passed for more yards
in their Jete careers, than Brady passed for
in the playoffs alone. Among those who did not are: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Geno Smith, **** Wood (who goes back to the 60s, but is also translated by Urban Dictionary as "Male Genitals Male Genitals,") and Josh McCown. (there's a link on "Only six Jete QBs
ever" which should serve as a source note here and elsewhere.
)
There are also a host of players who were good somewhere else, such as Brett Favrevruh and Boomer Esiason, who did not pass for as many yards in their Jete career as Brady has thrown for in the playoffs alone.
16) In the regular season, Tom Brady has thrown 488 touchdowns. That's two more than were thrown for the Jete by Joe Namath, Ken O'Brien, Richard Todd, and Chad Pennington --
combined (486). These are the JETE top 4 touchdown passers in history.
17) These 4 JETE QBs combined for 503 interceptions. Tom Brady has thrown 160. The combined total of 503 for Jete passers is also remarkable as it exceeds the 486 combined touchdowns that they threw.
18) Dating from 2001, Tom Brady would have to play 3.14 times as long to throw that many interceptions, for a total career of 53.44 years (36 more full years at quarterback, plus another half season, for a retirement age of 77.)
19) A Jete fan took a bathyscape to Challenger Deep, 10,971 meters under water. He said "That's the lowest I've been outside of football season."
20) A
schlemiel is a guy who goes to a restaurant and spills his soup. A
schlimazel is the guy he spills it on. A Jete fan looks at a
schlimazel and says "lucky bastard."
21) Snoop Dog watches Jete games and asks what they're smoking.
22) Originally, the woman in
50 Shades of Grey was supposed to be a Jete fan, but that level of masochism was considered unrealistic.
23) A word problem had to be taken out of the SAT because the answer was too obviously "E. None of the above." The question began, "If the Jete want to go 10 yards in 4 downs..."
24) Q: What do you call eight friends contemplating suicide together in New Jersey? A: Tailgating.
25) Q: What do you call eight friends not contemplating suicide in New Jersey? A: Tourists.
26) Since 2000, we've heard about dimpled chads, hanging chads, swinging chads, and the country of Chad. None of them were as bad as Chad Pennington.
27) The continued existence of the New Jersey Jete is often cited to conclusively and concisely disprove the theory of evolution.
28) The old USSR finally disclosed what happened at Chernobyl in a documentary film. They followed it with a recording of a Jete game. Criticism of the regime ended.
29) The USO brought the NJ Jete to entertain the troops in Kuwait and Saudi. U.S. forces started to look for Iraqis to surrender to.
30) If you sort of suck in life, when you die you go to purgatory. If you really suck on Earth, you go to Hell. If everybody in Hell thinks you suck, they send you to the Jete.
That's all I got for today, I just thought we should get this back on track.
