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Jets Suck -- 2018 Edition (Official): Fifty Fabulous Years of Futility!

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Oct 21, 2004
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Jete Suck 50th .jpg

It’s here! It’s now! Football fans will witness history in the annals of New Jersey football this season as the Jete complete 50 years – a full half-century – without a championship of any kind. That is, if you are willing to consider Super Bowl III a bona fide championship game and not simply a post-season exhibition tilt between teams from the now long-defunct American Football League and National Football League. Suffice to say that the Green Beans never have won an NFL title and perhaps never will.

Why is this? Many reasons, including clueless ownership, incompetent front-office management, poor coaching and inferior players. But perhaps the biggest reason of all is BAD KARMA. The Green Beans and their fan base occupy a black hole of negativity that even the brightest minds of science, industry and theology have been unable to quantify. While no one knows the root cause or the cure, we certainly can identify its endless manifestations, a few of which are itemized below.

Death. Taxes. Another year of Jets suckage. Like the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, some things never change. The hallowed tradition of this thread might be seen by many as mere diversion, an ephemeral source of transitory amusement. Yet, the veterans here realize its role as a vital public service -- informing and enlightening those otherwise oblivious to that morbid franchise's scurrilous, soulless transgressions against the Patriots, mankind at large, and all that is true and good. Our pledge is to keep the beacon of righteousness forever trained laser-like on East Rutherford's green slimy scourge. More than 3,000 posts in last year's thread evince the importance of this.

We MUST remain vigilant, as the New Jersey Green Beans continue their scheming ways and underhanded shenanigans perpetrated by unprincipled owner/certified greedy dope Woody Johnson, who now oversees the continuing trainwreck of his franchise from the chair of U.S. ambassador to Britain. (It is unknown at this early stage how much the U.K. presence of Goofy Woody has harmed NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell's overseas expansion plans.)

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It's safe to say that not even Old Sad Joe thought the suckage would be this pathetically perennial. But here he is, pondering those good ol' days slipping further into the recesses of fading memory ...

old sad Joe .jpg

... Even memories of chasing hot chicks who would kiss back have faded like tail lights in the distance ...

Namath-Kolber cartoon .jpg

But for the Jete FANS, the majority of whom were born well after Joe's notable exploits, memories are not worth savoring. That's one reason for the ongoing existence this thread, to chronicle Jete suckage as a matter of historical record.

For the uninitiated, here is a partial historical recap of the Green Beans’ violations and gaffes, in no particular order:

* Jets tamper with Pats coach Bill Parcells during Patriots Super Bowl run.
* Jets sign Pats running back Curtis Martin to bogus "poison pill" contract.
* Jets coach Herm Edwards sets NFL record for game clock mismanagement.
* Jets fans assault women in multiple “Gate 4” incidents.
* Pats assistant Eric Mangini steals Bill Belichick's laptop computer upon hiring as Jets coach.
* Jets coach Eric Mangini tampers with Patriots WR Deion Branch.
* Mangini and Jets front office initiate “Cameragate” against the Patriots.
* Jets coach Rex Ryan fined $50k for flipping off Dolphins fans in public.
* Immaturity and disorganization of team documented on HBO "Hard Knocks" series.
* Reporter Ines Sainz claims she was sexually harassed in Jets locker room.
* Jets players forced to take social awareness classes after Sainz incident.
* Jets fan Nick Gilronan wins the first International Small-Penis Pageant, poses for newspaper photo wearing crown and team jersey.
* Trip-Gate: assistant coach Sal Alosi fined $25k and suspended for season.
* Rex Ryan's foot fetish videos starring wife make mainstream news.
* Ryan farms out his wife to strangers on Internet kink site.
* Ryan embarrasses self weeping publicly; also makes horrid cameo in Adam Sandler film.
* Quarterback Mark Sanchez buttfumbles his way to infamy.
* Sanchez dates/beds high school girl; is photographed dancing nude with clothed women.
* Jets mascot Fireman Ed quits citing abuse from fellow fans, refuses team's request to return.
* Accused murderer/male Jets fan sucker punches small blonde female Pats fan in Jersey.
* Quarterback Brett Favre texts genitals photo to fellow Jets employee Jen Sterger.
* Penis selfie photo sexted by quarterback Gee-No! Smith published on multiple web sites.
* Tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. arrested for drug possession, seen masturbating in his car.
* Jets sign convicted felon/dog killer Ron Mexico, a/k/a Michael Vick.
* Jets legend Joe Namath lauds Pats quarterback Tom Brady as the greatest ever.
* A drunken Namath shames the Jets trying to kiss reporter Suzy Kolber on national TV.
* CB Antonio Cromartie requests salary advance to pay child support; can't recall kids' names.
* Owner Woody Johnson openly tampers with ex-Jet/Patriot cornerback Darrelle Revis.
* CB Darrelle Revis returns for huge $$$ after tricking Jets into bidding against themselves.
* Media weasel/Jets hack Manish Mehta calls Patriots "petty" over Revis tampering allegation.
* Jets file bogus tampering claim over Pats owner Bob Kraft's comments regarding Revis.
* Defensive lineman Sheldon Richardson is suspended four games for his marijuana habit.
* Jets fans commission "cheaters" banner flown over Patriots training camp practice.
* Sheldon Richardson strikes again, charged with resisting arrest after traffic violations.
* Jets team officials don't learn about Richardson's latest arrest 'til two weeks later.
* Jets fans loudly boo quarterback Gee-No! Smith during in-stadium training camp practice.
* Teammate punches Gee-No! Smith breaking his jaw, sidelining him for two months.
* Jets guard Oday Aboushi is suspended one game, found with weed during traffic stop.
* Jets rookie quarterback Bryce Petty angers Jets fans by liking Domino's pizza.
* Jets WR Quincy Enunwa is suspended four games for abusing his girlfriend.
* Paranoid Jets have Gillette locker room swept for electronic bugs.
* Paranoid Jets Security Director Robert Mastroddi interrogates Pats sideline personnel.
* Mastroddi's son outed as publicly wishing injury, death to Tom Brady.
* Jets scum troll (jetfan51) starts threads at to spoil new "Star Wars" film.
* Jets organization trolls Pats/Belichick on Twitter for kicking off in overtime game.
* QB Fitzpatrick ruins Jets' 2015 playoff chances with interceptions vs. Bills.
* Cromartie strikes again, fathering 11th and 12th children with woman No. 8.
* Sad-sack GOP presidential candidate Jeb Bush chooses Woody Johnson as campaign finance chairman.
* Jets tailgate bus burns up in Connecticut (in late February).
* Jets WR Brandon Marshall appears in court, charged with punching woman at nightclub.
* Cromartie strikes yet again, evicting his own mother from the home he bought her.
* QB Fitzpatrick fleeces desperate Jets for one-year, $12 million contract.
* Marshall and Revis get in limp-wristed training camp slap fight.
* Fitzpatrick throws six interceptions in game vs. Kansas City.
* Dr. Jay P. Granat, a renowned New York psychotherapist who has worked with Olympic athletes, proclaims, "The Jets have been mismanaged since 1969. The fans are down and the players are down. There is a hopelessness to the Jets. The feeling of hopelessness is one of the main things we see with depression.”
* Woody Johnson leaves Jets' "day-to-day operations" to become ambassador to Britain.
* Jets cut star center Nick Mangold in salary dump.
* Jets cut Revis after police charge him with felony assault.
* Leading WR Marshall is cut, promptly signs with cross-town adult organization New York Giants.
* Jets try to woo Pats UFA linebacker Dont'a Hightower with money and stale cupcakes, fail miserably.
* QB Gee-No! Smith also leaves team to sign with adult organization New York Giants.
* Jets players have historic off-season in 2017 commiting various violations and criminal acts:
* WR Robby Anderson is arrested and charged with a felony at Miami music festival.
* WR Jalin Marshall gets four-game suspension for PED violation.
* Tight end Austin Seferian-Jenkins is suspended two games for prior (2016) DUI arrest.
* CB Nick Marshall is released after receiving four-game PED suspension.
* Former Jet Tony Richardson announcing a pick at the NFL draft fumbles the J-E-T-S chant, calling out J-E-T-E. The name Jete sticks.
* Jete fans far and wide hope the team tanks in 2017 to earn a high draft pick in 2018.
* Former Jete player Marvin Washington sues U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions to decriminalize marijuana.
* Broadcaster Craig Carton, an avowed Jete fan, is arrested by the FBI for perpetrating a Ponzi scheme defrauding people of millions.
* Jete WR Robby Anderson is arrested once again on multiple charges, including harm to a public servant/family, reckless driving, eluding police, and resisting arrest.
* Jete linebacker Dylan Donahue is arrested for DWI after causing a crash driving the wrong way in the Lincoln Tunnel.
* Jete acting CEO Christopher Johnson states the team is not mandated to make the playoffs in 2018.
* Jete send THREE second-round draft picks to the Colts to switch places and move up just three spots in the 2018 draft, from No. 6 to No. 3, ostensibly to draft a quarterback.
* Jete announced reduced pricing for 2018 season tickets -- including 24 different price levels, with and without PSLs.
* During 2018 spring OTAs, Jete players are seen wearing shirts with the lame credo, "Blame Nobody," "Expect Nothing," "Do Something."
* Quarterback Christian Quackenbush, picked 51st overall by the Jete in the second round of the 2016 draft, is traded to the Oakland Raiders for a seventh-round pick. He never saw the field for New Jersey during the regular season in 2016 or 2017 despite being heralded as a top prospect out of Penn State.
* Jete 2018 fourth-round draft pick tight end Chris Herndon is charged with DWI after causing an accident that injures a 76-year-old man.
* The Jete criminal parade continues: Former tight end Kellen Winslow II is arrested on multiple charges including kidnapping and rape.
* Undisciplined Jete players instigate massive brawl with innocent Redskins players at 2018 training camp joint practice.
* Jete lose their best quarterback prior to start of the 2018 season, trading Teddy Bilgewater to the Saints.
* With Jete offensive line in shambles, veteran quarterback Josh McClown announces to the world that rookie QB Dam Darnit is ready for the starting job.
* In true Jete fashion, Darnit's first regular-season pass is intercepted and returned for a touchdown by Detroit. But the Lions quit early and allow visiting New Jersey to win. Led by now-fair weather mascot Fireman Ed, moronic Jete fans in attendance rudely disrespect their hosts by loudly shouting the pointless and obnoxious J-E-T-E chant at game's end.
* Jete lose to the Cleveland Browns, giving the Browns their first win in two years. Dam Darnit interceptions factor into the embarrassing loss. Visiting Jete fans could be heard doing their moronic chant when their team was ahead, only to deservedly leave bitterly disappointed.
* Jete General Manager Mike Maccromagnon says in a media interview halfway through the 2018 campaign that he is looking forward to the off-season.
* Jete fan Christopher Greyshock is charged with DWI after he rear-ends another vehicle following his team's 41-10 beatdown by the Buffalo Bills. He tells police the Jete drove him to drink.
* Darnit is benched after a string of alarmingly regressive performances, team says he has a "sprained foot."
* New York Daily News reporter Manish Mehta writes a scathing assessment of Jete organizational dysfunction, including GM Mike Maccromagnon's abysmal draft record and rift with head coach Odd Blowes.
* Jete linebacker Darron Lee is suspended for violating the league's substance abuse policy, happily missing the season's final four games.
* Moron tight end Eric Tomlinson drops a weight on his foot in the weight room requiring surgery and forcing him to happily miss the season finale vs. New England.
* Head coach Odd Blowes is fined $25,000 by the league for criticizing officials.
* Jete brass stupidly leaks news on eve of the 2018 season finale that Blowes will be fired.
* Jete $72.5 million cornerback Trumaine Johnson is scratched from the lineup for the 2018 season finale for missing a team meeting.
* Blowes is fired a few hours after his team is humiliated by the Patriots, 38-3.
* Jete safety Jamal "Punk" Adams publicly takes a veiled shot at GM Maccromagnon stating that his team's roster lacks talent and that Blowes should not have been fired.
* Iowa State University head football coach Matt Campbell declines Jete request to interview him.
* The Jete inexplicably hire Miami Dolphins losing coach/castoff Adam Gase as head coach. Jete fans express their displeasure via multiple media outlets.
* Observers question Gase's sanity as his eyes bizarrely dart about during introductory press conference.
* Self-styled social media star Jamal "Punk" Adams, erstwhile Jete safety, injures Patriots mascot in an unstaged tackle during practice at the Pro Bowl. Adams tweets a video of the ill-advised stunt saying it was for all "Patriots haters."

More to come … please chime in with your own border-war lowlights.

Remember, folks: "Jets Suck" is not simply about them sucking on the field of play. That almost is peripheral to the true essence of Green Beans suckage, as bad as they can be between those white lines. They suck first and foremost as an organization devoid of scruples, integrity, honesty, proper hygiene or other remotely redeeming qualities.

Again, we cannot forget Jets fans. Few words do them justice. We'll sum it up thusly via these sad victims seen at New Giants Stadium pondering last season's failed tanking (left to right): Skippy, Vinny, Numbnuts and Rocco.

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Thanks, Tunez, for kicking off another year of capturing the futility of the Jete!

SOFJ are in for another year of misery!

All the good QBs are gone.

Jete bottom feeding with another year of McKown and maybe a contract thrown at Bridgewater.

Yet still enough QB hungry teams ahead of them in the draft.

Jete response: Let's throw $15M a year at a CB!
This is brilliant as per.

Still think revis saying the pats were bidding was my personal recent fave.
Kirk Cousins has a message for Jete fans:

Great post. Phenomenal achievement by the J-E-T-E-S, and their fans. Yes folks, their fans, who drove them to so many of the horrible decisions they ultimately made. Fifty years in a partnership of sustained failure. My heartiest congratulations to them all.








Bridgewater also signs with the Jets. It’ll be hilarious if they pass on a QB again, or if a rookie chafes at being stuck behind two vets.

What a shame for Teddy to have his career dealt such a calamitous blow. Also, his knee got torn up real bad a few years ago.
Bridgewater also signs with the Jets. It’ll be hilarious if they pass on a QB again, or if a rookie chafes at being stuck behind two vets.

What a shame for Teddy to have his career dealt such a calamitous blow. Also, his knee got torn up real bad a few years ago.
You know Teddy is praying for his knees Sake we don't get Suh.
Great post Tune. I must ask, whats worse: Being a fan of the Jete or being punched in the face every Sunday? (Never in January. Bah, same thing right?
WTF is that awful sh*t? Truly irritating, just like Jete fans.

THIS is your year for a bumper crop of:


You're disrespecting Redman? Smh... No class.
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