JETS SUCK 2023 EDITION (JOKER CERTIFIED): HARD KNOCKERS

[Tunescribe]

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Jete (pron. jeet): 1. formerly Jets, New Jersey-based quasi-professional football team renamed by retired player Tony Richardson during the 2017 National Football League draft.

stank (pron. staynk): 1. a past of stink; 2. condition endemic to the New Jersey Jete, characterized by a mixed odor of burnt hair/used motor oil/rotting swamp flora accompanying feelings of despair and futility from on-field ineptitude.

savior (pron. sayv-yore): 1. one that saves from danger or destruction; 2. one who brings salvation; 3. New Jersey Jete designation for new quarterbacks assumed capable of delivering a championship. Seriously. That's how the poor souls think.

HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO​

"This is our year!"

The Jete and their fans have been declaring that next to forever. But after a half-century plus of dashed hopes and dreams, management's wayward habit of collecting talent vs. building a team finally might pay off. Toss enough doo-doo at the wall over a few decades and odds are something will stick. Eventually. One would assume.

Some pundits even are calling the 2023 Jerseyites a (gasp!) "super team," citing last season's strong defense, promising youngsters via many years of high draft picks, pricey free-agent signings and yet another candidate in the line of purported franchise saviors at quarterback. Enter eventual Hall of Fame signal caller/Green Bay castoff Aaron Rodgers. You know, the guy who mulled retirement during his conspicuous darkness retreat last winter before deciding that $75 million guaranteed is worth two years of stank.

Rodgers, who turns 40 Dec. 2, was slingin' spirals in high school when preceding QB messiah Zach Wilson -- 2021's second overall draft pick -- was in diapers. Before Wilson came Sam Darnold, chosen third overall in 2018 and Mark Sanchez, picked fifth in 2009. Prior to that and in-between, the Jete pinned hopes variously on Rodgers' Green Bay predecessor/Hall of Famer Brett Favre, Chad Pennington (drafted 18th overall in 2000), veteran free agents Michael Vick, Teddy Bridgewater, Ryan Fitzpatrick and Josh McCown, plus additional homegrown duds Geno Smith (39th overall, 2013) and Christian Hackenberg (51st overall, 2016). Let's not forget veteran journeyman Mike White, who performed admirably in 2022 when Wilson faltered only to be dumped in the offseason. (Last November, ex-NFL star-turned-commentator Richard Sherman dubbed White, subsequently signed by Miami, a franchise quarterback in the making.)

Those are but recent names seen behind center since franchise icon Joe Namath sold his soul to Satan (legend says) for the team's lone championship in 1969. Whether Rodgers can strike a similar deal with the devil is TBD. Much will depend on sheer dumb luck -- including his ability to avoid injury after an offseason search for the man in the mirror, away from focused training. Otherwise, complementary parts appear set assuming a suspect offensive line jells and the goofball coaching staff doesn't muck things up.

Trading for Rodgers was exactly the sort of headline-grabbing move Jete owner Woody Johnson covets and an offseason sugar high for fans desperate to believe. The final question looms: will it be "Same Old Jets" redux, or what was needed to Just End The Suffering?

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[Tunescribe]

A HISTORY OF THE ABSURD​

For Jete FANS, the majority of whom were born well after that brief bright blip in 1969, memories from the last half-century plus are not worth savoring. That's one reason for the ongoing existence this thread, to chronicle Jete suckage as a matter of historical record.

For the uninitiated, here is a partial recap of team violations, gaffes and shenanigans, in no particular order:

MORONIC COACHES, BRAIN-DEAD FANS, PERVERTED PLAYERS

* Jets tamper with Pats coach Bill Parcells during Patriots Super Bowl run.
* Jets sign Pats running back Curtis Martin to bogus "poison pill" contract.
* Jets coach Herm Edwards sets NFL record for game clock mismanagement.
* Jets fans assault women in multiple “Gate 4” incidents.
* Pats assistant Eric Mangini steals Bill Belichick's laptop computer upon hiring as Jets coach.
* Jets coach Eric Mangini tampers with Patriots WR Deion Branch.
* Mangini and Jets front office initiate “Cameragate” against the Patriots.
* Jets coach Rex Ryan fined $50k for flipping off Dolphins fans in public.
* Immaturity and disorganization of team documented on HBO "Hard Knocks" series.
* Reporter Ines Sainz claims she was sexually harassed in Jets locker room.
* Jets players forced to take social awareness classes after Sainz incident.
* Jets fan Nick Gilronan wins the first International Small-Penis Pageant, poses for newspaper photo wearing crown and team jersey.
* Trip-Gate: assistant coach Sal Alosi fined $25k and suspended for season.
* Rex Ryan's foot fetish videos starring wife make mainstream news.
* Ryan farms out his wife to strangers on Internet kink site.
* Ryan embarrasses self, weeping publicly; also makes horrid cameo in Adam Sandler film.
* Quarterback Mark Sanchez buttfumbles his way to infamy.
* Sanchez dates/beds high school girl; is photographed dancing nude with clothed women.
* Jets mascot Fireman Ed quits citing abuse from fellow fans, refuses team's request to return.
* Accused murderer/male Jets fan sucker punches small blonde female Pats fan in Jersey.
* Quarterback Brett Favre texts genitals photo to fellow Jets employee Jen Sterger.
* Penis selfie photo sexted by quarterback Gee-No! Smith published on multiple web sites.
* Tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. arrested for drug possession, seen masturbating in his car.
* Jets sign convicted felon/dog killer Ron Mexico, a/k/a Michael Vick.
* Jets legend Joe Namath lauds Pats quarterback Tom Brady as the greatest ever.
* A drunken Namath shames the Jets trying to kiss reporter Suzy Kolber on national TV.
* CB Antonio Cromartie requests salary advance to pay child support; can't recall kids' names.
* Owner Woody Johnson openly tampers with ex-Jet/Patriot cornerback Darrelle Revis.
* CB Darrelle Revis returns for huge $$$ after tricking Jets into bidding against themselves.
* Media weasel/Jets hack Manish Mehta calls Patriots "petty" over Revis tampering allegation.
* Jets file bogus tampering claim over Pats owner Bob Kraft's comments regarding Revis.
* Defensive lineman Sheldon Richardson is suspended four games for his marijuana habit.
* Jets fans commission "cheaters" banner flown over Patriots training camp practice.
* New York media urges Jets to "Suck for the Duck" by tanking rest of 2014 season to draft Heisman Trophy winning QB Marcus Mariota, Oregon.

CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR, PARANOID MANAGEMENT, POLITICAL IDIOCY

* Sheldon Richardson strikes again, charged with resisting arrest after traffic violations.
* Jets team officials don't learn about Richardson's latest arrest 'til two weeks later.
* Jets fans loudly boo quarterback Gee-No! Smith during in-stadium training camp practice.
* Teammate punches Gee-No! Smith breaking his jaw, sidelining him for two months.
* Jets guard Oday Aboushi is suspended one game, found with weed during traffic stop.
* Jets rookie quarterback Bryce Petty angers Jets fans by liking Domino's pizza.
* Jets WR Quincy Enunwa is suspended four games for abusing his girlfriend.
* Paranoid Jets have Gillette locker room swept for electronic bugs.
* Paranoid Jets Security Director Robert Mastroddi interrogates Pats sideline personnel.
* Mastroddi's son outed as publicly wishing injury, death to Tom Brady.
* Jets scum troll (jetfan51) starts threads at Patfans.com to spoil new "Star Wars" film.
* Jets organization trolls Pats/Belichick on Twitter for kicking off in overtime game.
* QB Fitzpatrick ruins Jets' 2015 playoff chances with interceptions vs. Bills.
* Cromartie strikes again, fathering 11th and 12th children with woman No. 8.
* Sad-sack GOP presidential candidate Jeb Bush chooses Woody Johnson as campaign finance chairman.
* Jets tailgate bus burns up in Connecticut (in late February).
* Jets WR Brandon Marshall appears in court, charged with punching woman at nightclub.
* Cromartie strikes yet again, evicting his own mother from the home he bought her.
* QB Fitzpatrick fleeces desperate Jets for one-year, $12 million contract.
* Marshall and Revis get in limp-wristed training camp slap fight.
* Fitzpatrick throws six interceptions in game vs. Kansas City.
* Dr. Jay P. Granat, a renowned New York psychotherapist who has worked with Olympic athletes, proclaims, "The Jets have been mismanaged since 1969. The fans are down and the players are down. There is a hopelessness to the Jets. The feeling of hopelessness is one of the main things we see with depression.”
* Woody Johnson leaves Jets' "day-to-day operations" to become ambassador to Britain.
* Jets cut star center Nick Mangold in salary dump.
* Jets cut Revis after police charge him with felony assault.
* Leading WR Marshall is cut, promptly signs with cross-town adult organization New York Giants.
* Jets try to woo Pats UFA linebacker Dont'a Hightower with money and stale cupcakes, fail miserably.
* QB Gee-No! Smith also leaves team to sign with adult organization New York Giants.
* Jets players have historic off-season in 2017 commiting various violations and criminal acts:
* WR Robby Anderson is arrested and charged with a felony at Miami music festival.
* WR Jalin Marshall gets four-game suspension for PED violation.
* Tight end Austin Seferian-Jenkins is suspended two games for prior (2016) DUI arrest.
* CB Nick Marshall is released after receiving four-game PED suspension.
* Former Jet Tony Richardson announcing a pick at the NFL draft fumbles the J-E-T-S chant, calling out J-E-T-E. The name Jete sticks.
* Jete fans far and wide hope the team tanks in 2017 to earn a high draft pick in 2018.

 

[Tunescribe]

MORE ARRESTS, SQUANDERED DRAFT PICKS, LOSER MENTALITY

* Former Jete player Marvin Washington sues U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions to decriminalize marijuana.
* Broadcaster Craig Carton, an avowed Jete fan, is arrested by the FBI for perpetrating a Ponzi scheme defrauding people of millions.
* Jete WR Robby Anderson is arrested once again on multiple charges, including harm to a public servant/family, reckless driving, eluding police, and resisting arrest.
* Jete linebacker Dylan Donahue is arrested for DWI after causing a crash driving the wrong way in the Lincoln Tunnel.
* Jete acting CEO Christopher Johnson states the team is not mandated to make the playoffs in 2018.
* Jete send THREE second-round draft picks to the Colts to switch places and move up just three spots in the 2018 draft, from No. 6 to No. 3, ostensibly to draft a quarterback.
* Jete announced reduced pricing for 2018 season tickets -- including 24 different price levels, with and without PSLs.
* During 2018 spring OTAs, Jete players are seen wearing shirts with the lame credo, "Blame Nobody," "Expect Nothing," "Do Something."
* Quarterback Christian Quackenbush, picked 51st overall by the Jete in the second round of the 2016 draft, is traded to the Oakland Raiders for a seventh-round pick. He never saw the field for New Jersey during the regular season in 2016 or 2017 despite being heralded as a top prospect out of Penn State.
* Jete 2018 fourth-round draft pick tight end Chris Herndon is charged with DWI after causing an accident that injures a 76-year-old man.
* The Jete criminal parade continues: Former tight end Kellen Winslow II is arrested on multiple charges including kidnapping and rape.
* Undisciplined Jete players instigate massive brawl with innocent Redskins players at 2018 training camp joint practice.
* Jete lose their best quarterback prior to start of the 2018 season, trading Teddy Bilgewater to the Saints.
* With Jete offensive line in shambles, veteran quarterback Josh McClown announces to the world that rookie QB Dam Darnit is ready for the starting job.
* In true Jete fashion, Darnit's first regular-season pass is intercepted and returned for a touchdown by Detroit. But the Lions quit early and allow visiting New Jersey to win. Led by now-fair weather mascot Fireman Ed, moronic Jete fans in attendance rudely disrespect their hosts by loudly shouting the pointless and obnoxious J-E-T-E chant at game's end.
* Jete lose to the Cleveland Browns, giving the Browns their first win in two years. Dam Darnit interceptions factor into the embarrassing loss. Visiting Jete fans could be heard doing their moronic chant when their team was ahead, only to deservedly leave bitterly disappointed.
* Jete General Manager Mike Maccromagnon says in a media interview halfway through the 2018 campaign that he is looking forward to the off-season.
* Jete fan Christopher Greyshock is charged with DWI after he rear-ends another vehicle following his team's 41-10 beatdown by the Buffalo Bills. He tells police the Jete drove him to drink.
* Darnit is benched after a string of alarmingly regressive performances, team says he has a "sprained foot."
* New York Daily News reporter Manish Mehta writes a scathing assessment of Jete organizational dysfunction, including GM Mike Maccromagnon's abysmal draft record and rift with head coach Odd Blowes.
* Jete linebacker Darron Lee is suspended for violating the league's substance abuse policy, happily missing the season's final four games.
* Moron tight end Eric Tomlinson drops a weight on his foot in the weight room requiring surgery and forcing him to happily miss the season finale vs. New England.
* Head coach Odd Blowes is fined $25,000 by the league for criticizing officials.
* Jete brass stupidly leaks news on eve of the 2018 season finale that Blowes will be fired.
* Jete $72.5 million cornerback Trumaine Johnson is scratched from the lineup for the 2018 season finale for missing a team meeting.
* Blowes is fired a few hours after his team is humiliated by the Patriots, 38-3.
* Jete safety Jamal "Punk" Adams publicly takes a veiled shot at GM Maccromagnon stating that his team's roster lacks talent and that Blowes should not have been fired.
* Iowa State University head football coach Matt Campbell declines Jete request to interview him.
* The Jete inexplicably hire Miami Dolphins losing coach/castoff Adam "Googly Gaze" Gase as head coach. Jete fans express their displeasure via multiple media outlets.
* Observers question Gase's sanity as his eyes bizarrely dart about during introductory press conference.

FRONT-OFFICE DESPERATION, MORAL/ETHICAL BANKRUPTCY, BLATANT AMATEURISM

* The Jete hire as defensive coordinator the well-traveled Gregg Williams, mastermind of the infamous New Orleans Saints "bountygate" scandal for which he was suspended. The NFL still is investigating allegations that Williams ran a similar bounty program during his stint with the Washington Redskins.
* Self-styled social media star Jamal "Punk" Adams, erstwhile Jete safety, injures Patriots mascot in an unstaged tackle during practice at the Pro Bowl. Adams tweets a video of the ill-advised stunt saying it was for all "Patriots haters."
* Vikings free-agent linebacker Anthony Barr backs out of verbal agreement to sign with New Jersey, saying the thought of joining the Jete made him physically ill. He quickly re-ups with Minnesota.
* Jete sign former Steelers running back Leveon "I ate too much in 2018" Belch to overpriced four-year contract after he skipped all of the 2018 season in a contract snit, getting grossly out of shape.
* Jete unveil new uniforms in a beyond lame hour-long live YouTube event staged with dancing cheerleaders, singers and celebrities. The uniform designs (white, green and black versions), which reportedly were five years in process, are best described as generic-looking and unnecessary.
* Levon Belch fails to show up for voluntary mini-camp.
* During an interview with the NFL Network, new Jete draft pick Quinnen "Quinine" Williams sneezes then blesses and thanks himself. (Williams scored 11 out of 50 on the Wonderlic test.)
* Jete co-owner Chris "Dimwit" Johnson fires GM Maccromagnon in mid-May, AFTER the draft and free agency, then inexplicably foists GM duties onto new head coach Googly Gaze. Reports surface that Gaze didn't want to hire defensive coordinator Williams or sign running back Levon Belch.
* Journeyman exec Joe Douglas is hired as Jete General Manager just three months before start of the 2019 season.
* More evidence that being with the Jete drives players to drink and menace society: after pleading guilty to a 2018 DUI charge, tight end Chris Herndon faces a likely suspension to start the 2019 season. Also, former Jete defensive lineman Muhammad Wilkerson is arrested in New York City and charged with DUI on June 1, 2019.
* Levon Belch creates another distraction by calling 911 to report that two women he left naked in his bed to go to the gym stole $1M worth of cash, jewelry and clothing from his Florida home on May 25, 2019. Police promise to investigate once they stop laughing.
* Jete 2019 third-round pick linebacker Jackass ImPolite (Jachai Polite) is cut after amassing more than $100,000 in team fines during training camp. Meanwhile, No. 3 overall pick nose tackle Quinine Williams fails to crack the starting lineup.
* Jete draft gigantic offensive lineman Mekhi “Messy Bacon” Becton in the 2020 draft’s first round. Bacon says, “"I just love the NY griminess, it’s a real tough place."
* Quinine Williams is arrested for packing a pistol at New York’s La Guardia Airport.
* Star safety Jamal “Punk” Adams, the team’s 2017 first-round draft pick (sixth overall), shoots his way out of town in a contract impasse, traded to Seattle.
* Multiple scathing national media reports accuse owner Woody Johnson of racist, misogynistic and corrupt behavior during his tenure as U.S. ambassador to the U.K.
* On July 20, 2020, Jete team officials announce that due to Covid-19, home games will be played to an empty stadium. Players experience no difference in game-day environment.
* Jete cut wide receiver Josh Bellamy after arrest for his role in a $24 million Covid-relief fraud scheme.
* Jete release disgruntled running back Levon Belch, who quickly is signed by the Super Bowl-bound Kansas City Chiefs.
* Jete become the NFL’s first team eliminated from 2020 playoff contention after going 0-10 en route to a franchise-worst 0-13 start and 2-14 record overall.
* Jete fire defensive coordinator Williams after he calls all-out blitz on a Raiders Hail Mary play, losing the game with 5 seconds left and dropping New Jersey to 0-12.
* Jete officially fire Gase, the team’s 21st head coach, on Jan. 3, 2021 – about two weeks after leaking news he was a goner.
* Jete hire 49ers Defensive Coordinator Robert Saleh as head coach on Jan. 14. 2021. Saleh has no experience coaching offense at the college or pro levels.
* Jete trade alleged franchise-saving quarterback Damn Darnit to the Carolina Panthers for draft picks, highest being a second-rounded in 2022.
* Jete currently have the longest active postseason drought in the NFL, last making the playoffs in 2010.
* Because new coach Robert Saleh has difficulty remembering player names, the Jete draft two 2021 rookies named Michael Carter.
* Saleh's Middle Eastern roots earn him the nickname Bim Saleh Bim, also a play on ska-rock band Bim Skala Bim.
* Jete draft yet another supposed franchise-saving rookie quarterback, taking the pubescent Zach Wilson No. 2 overall.
* Wilson is tied to controversial right-wing Twitter posts; New York media fawns over his "hot" mother.
* Saleh admits to media members he forgot he was head coach during a morning organized team activity session.
* Jete TikTok account uploads then deletes video that appears to show a twerking teen-age girl shooting a football from her butt.
* Wilson is asked about his "really hot mom" by NYC radio host on first media day.
* Wilson states wearing a headband indicates his lack of fear, embarrassingly emulating fellow ex-BYU QB Jim McMahon, who was known as the "punky QB."
* Because of his "MILF" mother and McMahon worship, Wilson earns the nickname Punky McMilfson.
* McMilfson offers his mother money to delete her Instagram account because of embarrassing posts, she declines.
* Punky picks jersey No. 2, plays like No. 2.
* Mother of ex-Jete running back Levon Belch's seventh child broadcasts on social media he isn't paying child support.
* Jete cut "the other" Lamar Jackson, a cornerback.
* Reporter asks McMilfson if he was "seeing ghosts" after throwing four interceptions in his first game against the Patriots.
* From 2018-2021 there were six NFL games with one team throwing for no touchdowns and four interceptions, three by the Jete.
* In 2021 the Jete became the third NFL team to lose 12 consecutive games in September.
* The 2021 Jete were the first team since 1966 to allow at least 45 points three times in a four-game span.
* Wrecks Ryan, now working as a broadcaster, complained publicly over being compared to Bim Saleh Bim.
* An NFC team's director of college scouting refers to McMilfson as "Johnny Manziel without the drugs," "rich kid who is an entitled brat."
* Former Jete running back Zac Stacy hides from the police after beating his girlfriend.
* Hot Mommy publicly complains about being told the wrong time for a Jete game kickoff.
* Former Chiefs star wide receiver Tyreek Hill, after signing a free-agent contract with Miami, replies "Who?" when asked if he would've considered playing for the Jete.
* Massive offensive tackle Messy Bacon injures knee in training camp, ruled out for the 2022 season.
* McMilfson ex-girlfriend Abbey Gile hooks up with his old college teammate/Washington Commanders wide receiver Dax Milne, then accuses Punky of sleeping with his mother's best friend.
* Bim Saleh Bim is rated the NFL's worst head coach in exhaustively researched article published by newarena.com.
* Thirty minutes into the first 2022 preseason game, McMilfson suffers a knee injury that shelves him for the first three regular-season games.
* Jete wide receiver/second-round pick Denzel Mims asks to be traded.
* After dropping the 2022 season opener to Baltimore, Bim Saleh Bim angrily proclaims he is "taking receipts" of those mocking his team.
* Jete rookie cornerback Sauce Gardner steals cheesehead hat from Packers fan and parades around Lambeau field following upset win.
* Jete wide receiver Elijah Moore asks to be traded after sixth game, citing lack of targets. He calls his situation "butter sweet" in bizarre Twitter rant.
* Budding star rookie running back Breece Hall suffers season-ending knee injury in game seven vs. Denver.
* McMilfson creates uproar among teammates, fans and media after lackluster 10-3 loss to New England, disrespecting the Jete defense in postgame interview.
* Bim Saleh Bim benches McMilfson for second-string QB Mike White, citing Punky's horrid lack of fundamental play vs. the Patriots.
* McMilfson apologizes to team for his selfish, entitled attitude, after which Bim reiterates his status as "the future of the franchise" despite being demoted to third string.
* McMilfson buys a fleet of scooters as Christmas gifts for his offensive linemen. Scooters. In late-December urban New Jersey. For men weighing 300-plus pounds.
* Reinstated as starting quarterback, McMilfson is instrumental in two straight losses including the worst game of his young career on Thursday night at home vs. Jacksonville. Coach Bim benches him in the third quarter as fans boo loudly.
* Jete wide receivers coach Miles Austin is suspended for violating the NFL's gambling policy.


More to come … please chime in with your own border-war lowlights.

Remember, folks: "Jets Suck" is not simply about them sucking on the field of play. That is peripheral to the true essence of Jete suckage, as bad as they can be between those white lines or whatever temporary success they enjoy in the win-loss column. They suck first and foremost as an organization devoid of scruples, integrity, honesty, proper hygiene or other remotely redeeming qualities.

 

[Bill Lee]

All I can say is, Nike approves!

 

[irishfanatic]

MORE ARRESTS, SQUANDERED DRAFT PICKS, LOSER MENTALITY

* Former Jete player Marvin Washington sues U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions to decriminalize marijuana.
* Broadcaster Craig Carton, an avowed Jete fan, is arrested by the FBI for perpetrating a Ponzi scheme defrauding people of millions.
* Jete WR Robby Anderson is arrested once again on multiple charges, including harm to a public servant/family, reckless driving, eluding police, and resisting arrest.
* Jete linebacker Dylan Donahue is arrested for DWI after causing a crash driving the wrong way in the Lincoln Tunnel.
* Jete acting CEO Christopher Johnson states the team is not mandated to make the playoffs in 2018.
* Jete send THREE second-round draft picks to the Colts to switch places and move up just three spots in the 2018 draft, from No. 6 to No. 3, ostensibly to draft a quarterback.
* Jete announced reduced pricing for 2018 season tickets -- including 24 different price levels, with and without PSLs.
* During 2018 spring OTAs, Jete players are seen wearing shirts with the lame credo, "Blame Nobody," "Expect Nothing," "Do Something."
* Quarterback Christian Quackenbush, picked 51st overall by the Jete in the second round of the 2016 draft, is traded to the Oakland Raiders for a seventh-round pick. He never saw the field for New Jersey during the regular season in 2016 or 2017 despite being heralded as a top prospect out of Penn State.
* Jete 2018 fourth-round draft pick tight end Chris Herndon is charged with DWI after causing an accident that injures a 76-year-old man.
* The Jete criminal parade continues: Former tight end Kellen Winslow II is arrested on multiple charges including kidnapping and rape.
* Undisciplined Jete players instigate massive brawl with innocent Redskins players at 2018 training camp joint practice.
* Jete lose their best quarterback prior to start of the 2018 season, trading Teddy Bilgewater to the Saints.
* With Jete offensive line in shambles, veteran quarterback Josh McClown announces to the world that rookie QB Dam Darnit is ready for the starting job.
* In true Jete fashion, Darnit's first regular-season pass is intercepted and returned for a touchdown by Detroit. But the Lions quit early and allow visiting New Jersey to win. Led by now-fair weather mascot Fireman Ed, moronic Jete fans in attendance rudely disrespect their hosts by loudly shouting the pointless and obnoxious J-E-T-E chant at game's end.
* Jete lose to the Cleveland Browns, giving the Browns their first win in two years. Dam Darnit interceptions factor into the embarrassing loss. Visiting Jete fans could be heard doing their moronic chant when their team was ahead, only to deservedly leave bitterly disappointed.
* Jete General Manager Mike Maccromagnon says in a media interview halfway through the 2018 campaign that he is looking forward to the off-season.
* Jete fan Christopher Greyshock is charged with DWI after he rear-ends another vehicle following his team's 41-10 beatdown by the Buffalo Bills. He tells police the Jete drove him to drink.
* Darnit is benched after a string of alarmingly regressive performances, team says he has a "sprained foot."
* New York Daily News reporter Manish Mehta writes a scathing assessment of Jete organizational dysfunction, including GM Mike Maccromagnon's abysmal draft record and rift with head coach Odd Blowes.
* Jete linebacker Darron Lee is suspended for violating the league's substance abuse policy, happily missing the season's final four games.
* Moron tight end Eric Tomlinson drops a weight on his foot in the weight room requiring surgery and forcing him to happily miss the season finale vs. New England.
* Head coach Odd Blowes is fined $25,000 by the league for criticizing officials.
* Jete brass stupidly leaks news on eve of the 2018 season finale that Blowes will be fired.
* Jete $72.5 million cornerback Trumaine Johnson is scratched from the lineup for the 2018 season finale for missing a team meeting.
* Blowes is fired a few hours after his team is humiliated by the Patriots, 38-3.
* Jete safety Jamal "Punk" Adams publicly takes a veiled shot at GM Maccromagnon stating that his team's roster lacks talent and that Blowes should not have been fired.
* Iowa State University head football coach Matt Campbell declines Jete request to interview him.
* The Jete inexplicably hire Miami Dolphins losing coach/castoff Adam "Googly Gaze" Gase as head coach. Jete fans express their displeasure via multiple media outlets.
* Observers question Gase's sanity as his eyes bizarrely dart about during introductory press conference.

FRONT-OFFICE DESPERATION, MORAL/ETHICAL BANKRUPTCY, BLATANT AMATEURISM

* The Jete hire as defensive coordinator the well-traveled Gregg Williams, mastermind of the infamous New Orleans Saints "bountygate" scandal for which he was suspended. The NFL still is investigating allegations that Williams ran a similar bounty program during his stint with the Washington Redskins.
* Self-styled social media star Jamal "Punk" Adams, erstwhile Jete safety, injures Patriots mascot in an unstaged tackle during practice at the Pro Bowl. Adams tweets a video of the ill-advised stunt saying it was for all "Patriots haters."
* Vikings free-agent linebacker Anthony Barr backs out of verbal agreement to sign with New Jersey, saying the thought of joining the Jete made him physically ill. He quickly re-ups with Minnesota.
* Jete sign former Steelers running back Leveon "I ate too much in 2018" Belch to overpriced four-year contract after he skipped all of the 2018 season in a contract snit, getting grossly out of shape.
* Jete unveil new uniforms in a beyond lame hour-long live YouTube event staged with dancing cheerleaders, singers and celebrities. The uniform designs (white, green and black versions), which reportedly were five years in process, are best described as generic-looking and unnecessary.
* Levon Belch fails to show up for voluntary mini-camp.
* During an interview with the NFL Network, new Jete draft pick Quinnen "Quinine" Williams sneezes then blesses and thanks himself. (Williams scored 11 out of 50 on the Wonderlic test.)
* Jete co-owner Chris "Dimwit" Johnson fires GM Maccromagnon in mid-May, AFTER the draft and free agency, then inexplicably foists GM duties onto new head coach Googly Gaze. Reports surface that Gaze didn't want to hire defensive coordinator Williams or sign running back Levon Belch.
* Journeyman exec Joe Douglas is hired as Jete General Manager just three months before start of the 2019 season.
* More evidence that being with the Jete drives players to drink and menace society: after pleading guilty to a 2018 DUI charge, tight end Chris Herndon faces a likely suspension to start the 2019 season. Also, former Jete defensive lineman Muhammad Wilkerson is arrested in New York City and charged with DUI on June 1, 2019.
* Levon Belch creates another distraction by calling 911 to report that two women he left naked in his bed to go to the gym stole $1M worth of cash, jewelry and clothing from his Florida home on May 25, 2019. Police promise to investigate once they stop laughing.
* Jete 2019 third-round pick linebacker Jackass ImPolite (Jachai Polite) is cut after amassing more than $100,000 in team fines during training camp. Meanwhile, No. 3 overall pick nose tackle Quinine Williams fails to crack the starting lineup.
* Jete draft gigantic offensive lineman Mekhi “Messy Bacon” Becton in the 2020 draft’s first round. Bacon says, “"I just love the NY griminess, it’s a real tough place."
* Quinine Williams is arrested for packing a pistol at New York’s La Guardia Airport.
* Star safety Jamal “Punk” Adams, the team’s 2017 first-round draft pick (sixth overall), shoots his way out of town in a contract impasse, traded to Seattle.
* Multiple scathing national media reports accuse owner Woody Johnson of racist, misogynistic and corrupt behavior during his tenure as U.S. ambassador to the U.K.
* On July 20, 2020, Jete team officials announce that due to Covid-19, home games will be played to an empty stadium. Players experience no difference in game-day environment.
* Jete cut wide receiver Josh Bellamy after arrest for his role in a $24 million Covid-relief fraud scheme.
* Jete release disgruntled running back Levon Belch, who quickly is signed by the Super Bowl-bound Kansas City Chiefs.
* Jete become the NFL’s first team eliminated from 2020 playoff contention after going 0-10 en route to a franchise-worst 0-13 start and 2-14 record overall.
* Jete fire defensive coordinator Williams after he calls all-out blitz on a Raiders Hail Mary play, losing the game with 5 seconds left and dropping New Jersey to 0-12.
* Jete officially fire Gase, the team’s 21st head coach, on Jan. 3, 2021 – about two weeks after leaking news he was a goner.
* Jete hire 49ers Defensive Coordinator Robert Saleh as head coach on Jan. 14. 2021. Saleh has no experience coaching offense at the college or pro levels.
* Jete trade alleged franchise-saving quarterback Damn Darnit to the Carolina Panthers for draft picks, highest being a second-rounded in 2022.
* Jete currently have the longest active postseason drought in the NFL, last making the playoffs in 2010.
* Because new coach Robert Saleh has difficulty remembering player names, the Jete draft two 2021 rookies named Michael Carter.
* Saleh's Middle Eastern roots earn him the nickname Bim Saleh Bim, also a play on ska-rock band Bim Skala Bim.
* Jete draft yet another supposed franchise-saving rookie quarterback, taking the pubescent Zach Wilson No. 2 overall.
* Wilson is tied to controversial right-wing Twitter posts; New York media fawns over his "hot" mother.
* Saleh admits to media members he forgot he was head coach during a morning organized team activity session.
* Jete TikTok account uploads then deletes video that appears to show a twerking teen-age girl shooting a football from her butt.
* Wilson is asked about his "really hot mom" by NYC radio host on first media day.
* Wilson states wearing a headband indicates his lack of fear, embarrassingly emulating fellow ex-BYU QB Jim McMahon, who was known as the "punky QB."
* Because of his "MILF" mother and McMahon worship, Wilson earns the nickname Punky McMilfson.
* McMilfson offers his mother money to delete her Instagram account because of embarrassing posts, she declines.
* Punky picks jersey No. 2, plays like No. 2.
* Mother of ex-Jete running back Levon Belch's seventh child broadcasts on social media he isn't paying child support.
* Jete cut "the other" Lamar Jackson, a cornerback.
* Reporter asks McMilfson if he was "seeing ghosts" after throwing four interceptions in his first game against the Patriots.
* From 2018-2021 there were six NFL games with one team throwing for no touchdowns and four interceptions, three by the Jete.
* In 2021 the Jete became the third NFL team to lose 12 consecutive games in September.
* The 2021 Jete were the first team since 1966 to allow at least 45 points three times in a four-game span.
* Wrecks Ryan, now working as a broadcaster, complained publicly over being compared to Bim Saleh Bim.
* An NFC team's director of college scouting refers to McMilfson as "Johnny Manziel without the drugs," "rich kid who is an entitled brat."
* Former Jete running back Zac Stacy hides from the police after beating his girlfriend.
* Hot Mommy publicly complains about being told the wrong time for a Jete game kickoff.
* Former Chiefs star wide receiver Tyreek Hill, after signing a free-agent contract with Miami, replies "Who?" when asked if he would've considered playing for the Jete.
* Massive offensive tackle Messy Bacon injures knee in training camp, ruled out for the 2022 season.
* McMilfson ex-girlfriend Abbey Gile hooks up with his old college teammate/Washington Commanders wide receiver Dax Milne, then accuses Punky of sleeping with his mother's best friend.
* Bim Saleh Bim is rated the NFL's worst head coach in exhaustively researched article published by newarena.com.
* Thirty minutes into the first 2022 preseason game, McMilfson suffers a knee injury that shelves him for the first three regular-season games.
* Jete wide receiver/second-round pick Denzel Mims asks to be traded.
* After dropping the 2022 season opener to Baltimore, Bim Saleh Bim angrily proclaims he is "taking receipts" of those mocking his team.
* Jete rookie cornerback Sauce Gardner steals cheesehead hat from Packers fan and parades around Lambeau field following upset win.
* Jete wide receiver Elijah Moore asks to be traded after sixth game, citing lack of targets. He calls his situation "butter sweet" in bizarre Twitter rant.
* Budding star rookie running back Breece Hall suffers season-ending knee injury in game seven vs. Denver.
* McMilfson creates uproar among teammates, fans and media after lackluster 10-3 loss to New England, disrespecting the Jete defense in postgame interview.
* Bim Saleh Bim benches McMilfson for second-string QB Mike White, citing Punky's horrid lack of fundamental play vs. the Patriots.
* McMilfson apologizes to team for his selfish, entitled attitude, after which Bim reiterates his status as "the future of the franchise" despite being demoted to third string.
* McMilfson buys a fleet of scooters as Christmas gifts for his offensive linemen. Scooters. In late-December urban New Jersey. For men weighing 300-plus pounds.
* Reinstated as starting quarterback, McMilfson is instrumental in two straight losses including the worst game of his young career on Thursday night at home vs. Jacksonville. Coach Bim benches him in the third quarter as fans boo loudly.
* Jete wide receivers coach Miles Austin is suspended for violating the NFL's gambling policy.


More to come … please chime in with your own border-war lowlights.

Remember, folks: "Jets Suck" is not simply about them sucking on the field of play. That is peripheral to the true essence of Jete suckage, as bad as they can be between those white lines or whatever temporary success they enjoy in the win-loss column. They suck first and foremost as an organization devoid of scruples, integrity, honesty, proper hygiene or other remotely redeeming qualities.

Tip of the hat to you Tunes, 2023 is up and running. Hilarious stuff tbf

 

[Joker]

A TOUR DE FORCE once again....BRAVO TUNESCRIBE!!!!

 

[StockingAnarchyNumber12]

@Tunescribe Not to bring down this thread (the Jete suck) but do you think the Jets will finish with a better record than us this year? Or is A-Rod experiment going to fail?

 

[BTTA]

Was wondering what the opening theme would be this year. Savior...of course! Treasure trove of material, masterfully put together.

 

[BTTA]

@Tunescribe Not to bring down this thread (the Jete suck) but do you think the Jets will finish with a better record than us this year? Or is A-Rod experiment going to fail?

Don't...just don't.

 

[StockingAnarchyNumber12]

Don't...just don't.

I can delete the post if it goes against the thread

 

[Ghost of Ben Dreith]

As always, the best post/thread of the season. It also marks the true start of the NFL season.

I don't think there is a post/thread on any NFL message board in existence that compares to this.

Thank you for all the time and effort to expose the Jete for what they have been in the past and what they will be this year.

 

[Tunescribe]

@Tunescribe Not to bring down this thread (the Jete suck) but do you think the Jets will finish with a better record than us this year? Or is A-Rod experiment going to fail?

I can delete the post if it goes against the thread

No worries, bud. Jete fortunes this season depend on keeping Rodgers upright for 17 games. Considering their OL problems and Rodgers' swiftly aging body (he's no Tom Brady), I'd put chances of that happening at 35 percent.

 

[reflexblue]

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Jete (pron. jeet): 1. formerly Jets, New Jersey-based quasi-professional football team renamed by retired player Tony Richardson during the 2017 National Football League draft.

stank (pron. staynk): 1. a past of stink; 2. condition endemic to the New Jersey Jete, characterized by a mixed odor of burnt hair/used motor oil/rotting swamp flora accompanying feelings of despair and futility from on-field ineptitude.

savior (pron. sayv-yore): 1. one that saves from danger or destruction; 2. one who brings salvation; 3. New Jersey Jete designation for new quarterbacks assumed capable of delivering a championship. Seriously. That's how the poor souls think.

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HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO​

"This is our year!"

The Jete and their fans have been declaring that next to forever. But after a half-century plus of dashed hopes and dreams, management's wayward habit of collecting talent vs. building a team finally might pay off. Toss enough doo-doo at the wall over a few decades and odds are something will stick. Eventually. One would assume.

Some pundits even are calling the 2023 Jerseyites a (gasp!) "super team," citing last season's strong defense, promising youngsters via many years of high draft picks, pricey free-agent signings and yet another candidate in the line of purported franchise saviors at quarterback. Enter eventual Hall of Fame signal caller/Green Bay castoff Aaron Rodgers. You know, the guy who mulled retirement during his conspicuous darkness retreat last winter before deciding that $75 million guaranteed is worth two years of stank.

Rodgers, who turns 40 Dec. 2, was slingin' spirals in high school when preceding QB messiah Zach Wilson -- 2021's second overall draft pick -- was in diapers. Before Wilson came Sam Darnold, chosen third overall in 2018 and Mark Sanchez, picked fifth in 2009. Prior to that and in-between, the Jete pinned hopes variously on Rodgers' Green Bay predecessor/Hall of Famer Brett Favre, Chad Pennington (drafted 18th overall in 2000), veteran free agents Michael Vick, Teddy Bridgewater, Ryan Fitzpatrick and Josh McCown, plus additional homegrown duds Geno Smith (39th overall, 2013) and Christian Hackenberg (51st overall, 2016). Let's not forget veteran journeyman Mike White, who performed admirably in 2022 when Wilson faltered only to be dumped in the offseason. (Last November, ex-NFL star-turned-commentator Richard Sherman dubbed White, subsequently signed by Miami, a franchise quarterback in the making.)

Those are but recent names seen behind center since franchise icon Joe Namath sold his soul to Satan (legend says) for the team's lone championship in 1969. Whether Rodgers can strike a similar deal with the devil is TBD. Much will depend on sheer dumb luck -- including his ability to avoid injury after an offseason search for the man in the mirror, away from focused training. Otherwise, complementary parts appear set assuming a suspect offensive line jells and the goofball coaching staff doesn't muck things up.

Trading for Rodgers was exactly the sort of headline-grabbing move Jete owner Woody Johnson covets and an offseason sugar high for fans desperate to believe. The final question looms: will it be "Same Old Jets" redux, or what was needed to Just End The Suffering?

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Another EPIC Tunscribe Production.........And 54 years! thats a lot of cookies, or was it cupcakes?
It was even better the second time i went through it, a true masterpiece.

 

[Patsfan1958]

I guess State Farm doesn't want to be associated with the Jets and ruin their good name.

Aaron Rodgers and State Farm reportedly part ways after 12 years of Discount Double Checks

 

[TheBeers]

The last time the Jest beat the Patriots was December 27, 2015 (overtime)

 

[Tunescribe]

I guess State Farm doesn't want to be associated with the Jets and ruin their good name.

Aaron Rodgers and State Farm reportedly part ways after 12 years of Discount Double Checks

He made $36 million from that endorsement contract -- that's obscene. Apparently, his increasingly "alternative" lifestyle and perspectives -- including misrepresenting his Covid immunization status -- were the last straws for State Farm.

From the article:

He became a magnet for controversy starting a few years ago, when he was found to have publicly misrepresented his COVID-19 immunization status and blamed the "woke mob" for the backlash. Rodgers' public profile hasn't exactly become tamer since that flap, as you might remember stories such as his ayahuasca use, darkness retreats and standoff with the Packers, as well as his urge to discuss all of the above on "The Pat McAfee Show."

 

[upstater1]

The last time the Jest beat the Patriots was December 27, 2015 (overtime)

Was that the rekick game when a Patriot DT lined up wrong?

 

[TheBeers]

Was that the rekick game when a Patriot DT lined up wrong?

No Idea, just pointing out that it's been a while since they beat us and yet they win the offseason every year. The last time they beat the Pats in the regular season without going to OT was 2010.

 

[IcyPatriot]

Better every suck-ass Jete year Tune.
Great Dr. Frank Moga gif ....RIP Captain Jet.

 

[Tunescribe]

A few leftovers:



Jete fan Instagram messages to Punky's mom, below. Her responses on the last two are priceless.