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A Pats fan and a Colts fan trade their deflategate opinions (humor)

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Palm Beach Pats Fan

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There seems to be little common ground

Pats fan:

It seems preferable, whenever possible, to rely on facts that can be independently and objectively verified. Rely on them to a greater extent than just relying on rumors and opinions from unnamed sources.

Colts fan:
Facts? Only one fact matters, the one self-evident truth: The Patriots are Earth’s manifestation of all that is evil in the galaxy…no… in the UNIVERSE. BOSTON. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany.

Pats fan:
When an investigation is going on, and the people doing the investigating are not announcing any of their preliminary conclusions, maybe the truth is not so easy to figure out and maybe what they eventually will find out is not crystal clear, at least for right now.

Colts fan:
Even doing an investigation is a stupid waste of time. The truth is as clear as day, and you can’t handle the truth. My preconceived notions cannot be disproven! The Patriots are ALL lying rotten pathological cheating scum. Belichick’s mother was a hamster and his father reeked of elderberries. Even Vinatieri, Butler, and Sergio Brown were at one point scumbags. But overnight, somehow, one day they sprouted angel’s wings!

Pats fan:
I don’t know what a fair verdict would be based on what I know now for a fact. It really doesn’t seem a big deal to me, ESPECIALLY if it turns out that is evidence that nobody actually took any air out of any footballs after they passed inspection. We did not tank a SEASON, thank God! A fine… I guess. Not a draft pick, though, that seems way too harsh. And we have to move on. #1 vs. #1, baby! Bring on the ‘hawks!

Colts fan:
Fair? You want fair? That is clear! I am done with the NFL unless Sunday we see Baltimore playing Indianapolis to decide the true AFC champion. Then they would play the winner of Dallas and Detroit, since: 1) both of them got royally screwed; and 2) I hate Seattle too, those ‘roided-up bragging mouthy tools. Yeah, the Indy-Baltimore winner vs. Cowboys-Lions winner. Preferably not Detroit, though. So Dallas would play Indy or Baltimore. Well, unless Baltimore wins. Yeah, it’s gotta be Indy-Dallas, come to think of it. We need justice!

Pats fan: I really don’t know what to think about the press conferences by Belichick and Brady. I have never seen Belichick say so much or appear to be so serious and non-combative. Brady? I didn’t notice any mis-statements. I think I believe them both. I’ll admit, people can fool you though. I will withhold judgement for now, without any verifiable facts to compare to the things that they said.

Colts fan:
Are you kidding me? I’ve never seen such bad liars. Plus they win too much. It is always because of the refs though. Brady? Give me a break. Without the tuck rule he’d be bagging groceries at Sam’s Club, except that they wouldn’t hire such a lying scumbag. Then it is hard to believe that once, even for a brief time, Belichick was a Colts assistant under Ted Marchibroda. For awhile I could even feel the good in him!
But then he killed the younglings!
 
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Colts fan, I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul.
 
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