I Could Use Your Thoughts and Prayers

[neuronet]

Yep every anniversary will be tough . keep leaning on us as much as u need! Here 24/7

 

[BTTA]

It came back with a vengeance today. Worse than any day in a while. The shaking inside and feeling of just total despair. Those thoughts returned but refused to dwell on them.

It is going to be a tough couple of months . My ex and I met in November. Her birthday, our wedding anniversary, Christmas, and my birthday all fall in the next 53 days. Just too many memories.
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Does the idea of seeing this as an inner bully help at all, as you mentioned above? Some part of you that insists on punishing you, or something similar?

 

[Tony2046]

Hi Kenneth. You will experience Highs And Lows but you are definitely trending UP. Keep up the good fight.

 

[Ian]

And here's a post by my daughter, telling of the lowest point in her life, should you find inspiration in it. I certainly do.

My Life With Tourette Syndrome

That was absolutely incredible. I'm sure you were moved and probably got a little teary-eyed... that was extremely well done

 

[BTTA]

I'm sure you were moved and probably got a little trey-eyed...

Trey-eyed every time I read it, to this day.

 

[Ian]

Trey-eyed every time I read it, to this day.

Lol, stupid autocorrect got me

 

[BTTA]

Lol, stupid autocorrect got me

I think we should go with, as a new Patsfans term. As in, "I just get trey-eyed that someone will win the Jets-Bills game."

 

[Ian]

I think we should go with, as a new Patsfans term. As in, "I just get trey-eyed that someone will win the Jets-Bills game."

That's perfect, I like it

 

[Reckedtrek]

It came back with a vengeance today. Worse than any day in a while. The shaking inside and feeling of just total despair. Those thoughts returned but refused to dwell on them.

It is going to be a tough couple of months . My ex and I met in November. Her birthday, our wedding anniversary, Christmas, and my birthday all fall in the next 53 days. Just too many memories.

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Hang in there, Ken. If all that happens in the next 53, just focus on 54, 55, 56... Sometimes it can be maddeningly slow, but things get better over time. You know this now, but every day is it's own set of challenges.

If you give up a bad habit, you must replace it with a healthy habit. If you do not, another unhealthy habit will "find you" and replace the old bad habit. What's my point? My point is to get out and live your life. Don't be afraid to get out there and try something different or just get together for wings and a drink with friends. The key is to live life, not sit and wait for all of this to pass, be "perfect", and then you'll live your life.

Be proactive in your return to a better life. Get out there and LIVE!

 

[ralmat55]

Hang in there, Ken. If all that happens in the next 53, just focus on 54, 55, 56... Sometimes it can be maddeningly slow, but things get better over time. You know this now, but every day is it's own set of challenges.

If you give up a bad habit, you must replace it with a healthy habit. If you do not, another unhealthy habit will "find you" and replace the old bad habit. What's my point? My point is to get out and live your life. Don't be afraid to get out there and try something different or just get together for wings and a drink with friends. The key is to live life, not sit and wait for all of this to pass, be "perfect", and then you'll live your life.

Be proactive in your return to a better life. Get out there and LIVE!

I plan to go to a sports bar and watch the Pats and Giants game. That would be a first for me. Also thinking about attending a Pats playoff game. And, I have a friend who is renting a home in Huntington Beach, CA for 3 months this winter. I joked with him about dropping by sometime. He said the door was always open for me. That would be a blast.

I was just messaging with Ian telling him that these are things I could not have done under what I've taken to calling "prior management".

Had a awful rough day, but it has gotten better. Once again, my family and friends have come through for me.



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[ralmat55]

Does the idea of seeing this as an inner bully help at all, as you mentioned above? Some part of you that insists on punishing you, or something similar?

Not sure it's working for me yet but long-term, I think it will. It's natural for me to blame myself. Guilt is a far more indigenous emotion to me than anger. One reason the last couple of days have been so rough is that I've been blaming myself for things. Just another example of me letting one of my inner bullies pummel me.


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[Tony2046]

Not sure it's working for me yet but long-term, I think it will. It's natural for me to blame myself. Guilt is a far more indigenous emotion to me than anger. One reason the last couple of days have been so rough is that I've been blaming myself for things. Just another example of me letting one of my inner bullies pummel me.


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I hope your not blaming yourself for Moses. I did the same thing with my two big guys. Both died because of genetic issues but I found myself thinking I could have done something to prolong their life instead of recognizing how I had treated them like kids throughout their lives.

Anyways keeping taking those small steps forward.

 

[BTTA]

Not sure it's working for me yet but long-term, I think it will. It's natural for me to blame myself. Guilt is a far more indigenous emotion to me than anger. One reason the last couple of days have been so rough is that I've been blaming myself for things. Just another example of me letting one of my inner bullies pummel me.
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Ken, posts like this make me wish there was a "I hear ya'" symbol. "Agree" and "Like" just don't quite work for this, but you should know that there are heads nodding in understanding.

 

[ralmat55]

I hope your not blaming yourself for Moses. I did the same thing with my two big guys. Both died because of genetic issues but I found myself thinking I could have done something to prolong their life instead of recognizing how I had treated them like kids throughout their lives.

Anyways keeping taking those small steps forward.

That is one thing I'm beating myself over wishing that I had noticed it or acted on it sooner. I loved Moses very much, and I miss him so. He is one of the two best friends I lost this year.

My day started with a good cry. Just sadness. Have a doctors appointment this am. Have neglected my health for a long time. Time to face the music.

Wish me well friends and keep me in your thoughts and prayers.


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[anditsgood]

That is one thing I'm beating myself over wishing that I had noticed it or acted on it sooner. I loved Moses very much, and I miss him so. He is one of the two best friends I lost this year.

My day started with a good cry. Just sadness. Have a doctors appointment this am. Have neglected my health for a long time. Time to face the music.

Wish me well friends and keep me in your thoughts and prayers.


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Prayers sent, keep us posted on the heath issue

 

[BTTA]

Ken, Patsboy, make sure you take a look at the Chandler Jones thread this morning. He's such a goofball, you can't help but smile.

Sound FX :Chandler-Jones | New England Patriots Forums - PatsFans.com Patriots Fan Messageboard

 

[ralmat55]

Had a good day. My doctor visit went well. Of course, my day was made when the doctor told me that she had lived in England for 4 years and those were the worst years of her life. [emoji38]No offense to the Brits who visit Patsfans.com.

Have to go back in 4 weeks and get some blood tests in between. She is going to schedule a colonoscopy for me in the spring, so I have that to look forward to[emoji21]. And, I was told to lose weight and exercise. I knew that was coming.

Thank you to everyone. Could use a few more days like today.


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[Reckedtrek]

Had a good day. My doctor visit went well. Of course, my day was made when the doctor told me that she had lived in England for 4 years and those were the worst years of her life. [emoji38]No offense to the Brits who visit Patsfans.com.

Have to go back in 4 weeks and get some blood tests in between. She is going to schedule a colonoscopy for me in the spring, so I have that to look forward to[emoji21]. And, I was told to lose weight and exercise. I knew that was coming.

Thank you to everyone. Could use a few more days like today.

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More than a few. Way more than a few!

 

[supafly]

I hope your not blaming yourself for Moses. I did the same thing with my two big guys. Both died because of genetic issues but I found myself thinking I could have done something to prolong their life instead of recognizing how I had treated them like kids throughout their lives.

Anyways keeping taking those small steps forward.

Just to chime in on this subject--I actually had hotel rooms reserved in ARZ for the Super Bowl this year, but had to sell them to another patsfans.com poster due to our German Shepard getting diagnosed with lymphoma a couple weeks prior.

We literally spent somewhere between 6-8 thousand total on his treatment, which they guaranteed us would prolong his life by about 12-18 months. Although it was a ton of money and a lot of suffering for both he and I going to the weekly appointments, my wife and I agreed that it was a no-brainer and that we would not sit by and watch him perish within weeks.

I took great pride in knowing that I was doing everything I possibly could to give him some extra time, and in the end it didn't even matter. He made it about 6 months or so, then the cancer became more aggressive and they said that it would be a matter of weeks. After a couple of weeks he stopped eating and we knew it was time. Point of my story is that no one should feel any guilt about matters like that which we cannot control. This goes for you, Tony, as well as @Kenneth Sims and Moses. We all do everything we can, and those animals are blessed for having such great owners.

 

[supafly]

Have to go back in 4 weeks and get some blood tests in between. She is going to schedule a colonoscopy for me in the spring, so I have that to look forward to[emoji21]. And, I was told to lose weight and exercise. I knew that was coming.

The colonoscopy is nothing. Unfortunately, I have been sick since last Thanksgiving/Xmas time with abdominal issues, specifically with swelling in my lymph nodes. Every second of every day feels like someone kicked me in the balls, and I've also had some really bad breathing issues due to the swollen nodes in the lungs as well. Really lousy times this year, which is the main reason why I'm up at such weird hours of the day and night. I'm in **** loads of pain and I refuse to load up on painkillers due to addiction concerns.

Anyway, I was worried about the colonoscopy as well, but it's absolutely nothing. The "prep" sucks because you're basically drinking a glass of bitter tasting water every 10 minutes for several hours, but other than that you're out like a light and back on your feet within hours. The night before you go to the bathroom like it's your job, but really the whole thing is something that's hardly worth getting too concerned about. I was only 39 when I had mine, and I think it's a good idea to have one every 5 years or so just to be safe. If you need any tips or have any questions, feel free to send me a PM.