weird birthday...yesterday I went out to dinner with Moms at HER favorite Italian soul food place, Mike's Kitchen in Cranston. She's 92, it's my birthday, she goes where she wants to go and that's the end of that. Very satisfying, quiet...and delicious. She gave me a blank check to buy a dog. ...OK...look, it's Moms, right?...I think SHE wants the dog. I know you older guys know what I'm talking about.
So tonight, my brother reserves a back room at Twin Oaks and the rest of the family, plus friends all show up to do the usual "let's make Joe uncomfortable and watch him cringe when the waiters sing happy birthday and he has to blow out the stupid candles". You know, we all have to deal with this, it's family dynamics but really, does anyone ever enjoy the fake sincerity of restaurant waiters singing that "special" song for you? I know, I know but wait...it gets weird like a Michael Corleone party gone sideways.
This guy walks up to the table and in a Italian accent, declares he will now sing me happy birthday in Neopolitan. LIke I NEED this shiite now, right? So he breaks into operatic voice and goes through his musical gymnastics and when he's done, a table of eight women in the room break out into raucous applause, a couple of them with tears in their eyes. Jeezus , like I of all people want THIS . Yeah, they all just have to come over and introduce themselves and make like we're all old friends for years. Never seen these girls in my life.
At this point, an ex shows up and , without even introducing herself, comes right over and sits on my lap planting a big kiss on my face. A scream of "you dirty biatch!"from the 6 seat bar at the other end of the room booms out like a bullhorn...it's another one of my exes who was sitting there out of sight watching me and the family the whole time. She comes stalking over, the two of them get in a catfight right there amid the tables in Twin Oaks. I'm asking the waiter if that's the Twilight Zone theme I hear in the background when the maitre 'd comes over and hustles the two psychos out of the dining area.All I hear as they're leaving is "I still love you Joey!!!" as the commotion disappears. Now I look at the family and friends and they all have this "WTF just happened?" look on their faces.
Anyway, there's a sorta happy ending...my wonderful niece gave me a nice card with 50 dollars of lottery scratch tickets in it. You guessed it. Hit one winner for $100 and six others totaling 55 bucks. Heh...and I HATE scratch tickets..the worst scam in our country IMO. I hate them a little less now.
I read this thread and I can see the Pats fans who wished me well are probably the sanest people I know in life.