New England chef admits he didn’t “leave it all in the kitchen”
GLENDALE, AZ — In the aftermath of the New England Patriots‘ disappointing Super Bowl loss, fingers of blame are being pointed willy-nilly throughout the organization. Few Patriot staffers, however, are drawing as much criticism as team chef Rick Andresty. “I feel just terribly after the loss,” Andresty told SSNN. “I’m afraid I cut a couple corners. Nothing big – but I didn’t bother garnishing the Filet with saffron like I originally intended, you know? It was stuff like that – I just didn’t really leave it all in the kitchen.” Players and coaches alike had Andresty’s name high on the list of reasons the team failed to put the cherry on top of their perfect regular season. “Honestly, I’d noticed Rickie wasn’t really firing on all cylinders the last month or so,” said QB Tom Brady. “I figured, hey – it’s a long season, even the chef is bound to have an off day once in a while; at some point he’ll revert back to his early-season dominance. But looking back, we probably should have seen the signs of overconfidence – a perfect meal doesn’t cook itself, you know?” Nobody was as harsh on Andresty as head coach Bill Belichick, who hinted that a change might be in order. “Obviously we were let down in that respect,” the coach said in response to questions about the team’s meals. “We made it clear beforehand that everybody had to be on their A-game to close the perfect season, and it was clear from the first bite of my calamari appetizer on Saturday that Rick took his responsibility lightly. We’re going to take a long, hard look at his performance this offseason.”
