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ESPN Report: Belichick, Brady are responsible for your failures, shortcomings, insecurities, regrets

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Ice_Ice_Brady

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The shortcomings over which you obsess and all the pain and misfortune from the moment you were released from the womb of your mother, are all attributed to the conniving, sneaky actions of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, and anonymous owner told ESPN. According to the report, whatever it is that angers you on a day-to-day basis, as well as every promotion you didn't get, every opportunity you missed, and every single regret that has ever crossed your mind, it is the perception of many insiders that the New England Patriots are responsible for your grief.

"That demon you could not slay, that fear that paralyzed you when you grew up and realized the world was not a living dream, the cold reality of your existential reality," another owner told ESPN. "No one is accusing them of doing this. But it sure is interesting that they haven't denied it yet."

Social anxiety, which dates back at least 40,000 years to ancient times and the beginnings of civilization, and "is certainly something that Belichick has had a hand in," the source continued, noting the paranoia caused by Belichick's alleged actions.

A third owner opined that the coming of the Messianic era of humanity, an age of enlightenment with the absence of suffering or ignorance, "has been held back, denying humanity is hallowed existence built on love and kindness, much in the way the Patriots offensive line holds on every play and gets away with it."
 
The lunatic is in my head.
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane.
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.
 
The shortcomings over which you obsess and all the pain and misfortune from the moment you were released from the womb of your mother, are all attributed to the conniving, sneaky actions of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, and anonymous owner told ESPN. According to the report, whatever it is that angers you on a day-to-day basis, as well as every promotion you didn't get, every opportunity you missed, and every single regret that has ever crossed your mind, it is the perception of many insiders that the New England Patriots are responsible for your grief.

"That demon you could not slay, that fear that paralyzed you when you grew up and realized the world was not a living dream, the cold reality of your existential reality," another owner told ESPN. "No one is accusing them of doing this. But it sure is interesting that they haven't denied it yet."

Social anxiety, which dates back at least 40,000 years to ancient times and the beginnings of civilization, and "is certainly something that Belichick has had a hand in," the source continued, noting the paranoia caused by Belichick's alleged actions.

A third owner opined that the coming of the Messianic era of humanity, an age of enlightenment with the absence of suffering or ignorance, "has been held back, denying humanity is hallowed existence built on love and kindness, much in the way the Patriots offensive line holds on every play and gets away with it."
 
ESPN Report: Belichick, Brady are responsible for your failures, shortcomings, insecurities, regrets

You can add small penis to this list
 
ESPN Report: Belichick, Brady are responsible for your failures, shortcomings, insecurities, regrets

You can add small penis to this list
Now that's hitting below the belt. Granted, not far below the belt, but below the belt nonetheless.
 
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