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The following appeared on the Associated Press Wire this morning:
"NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, after consultation with Franchise Owners Bisciotti, Blank, Irsay, and McNair, determined that it is 'more likely than not that the 2017/18 schedule of the New England Patriots is too easy'.
"As a result, the Commissioner decreed that star Patriot Quarterback Tom Brady be suspended for the first four games of the 2017 season, 'Just to give everybody else a darn chance.'
"When asked to explain why the Patriots still won the 2016/17 Super Bowl after Brady was suspended for the first four games of the prior season, the Commissioner appeared confused and replied, 'Gosh. Yeah. I forgot. I'll have to get back to you on that."
"Members of the media are now trying to confirm that a man fitting Goodell's description was seen being dragged out of NFL League Headquarters in a straitjacket, screaming incoherently about a 'Clown T-shirt'"
"NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, after consultation with Franchise Owners Bisciotti, Blank, Irsay, and McNair, determined that it is 'more likely than not that the 2017/18 schedule of the New England Patriots is too easy'.
"As a result, the Commissioner decreed that star Patriot Quarterback Tom Brady be suspended for the first four games of the 2017 season, 'Just to give everybody else a darn chance.'
"When asked to explain why the Patriots still won the 2016/17 Super Bowl after Brady was suspended for the first four games of the prior season, the Commissioner appeared confused and replied, 'Gosh. Yeah. I forgot. I'll have to get back to you on that."
"Members of the media are now trying to confirm that a man fitting Goodell's description was seen being dragged out of NFL League Headquarters in a straitjacket, screaming incoherently about a 'Clown T-shirt'"