I Could Use Your Thoughts and Prayers

[Crazy Patriot Guy]

Doing well this morning. No indigestion for the plate of wings I devoured last evening.

I think things are coming together. Thank you all.

One of the best parts of my day is checking this thread and getting positive updates. Thank you both for the courage to reach out for help. It's made us all better people.

 

[Kontradiction]

Doing well this morning. No indigestion for the plate of wings I devoured last evening.

I think things are coming together. Thank you all.

Because of what happened, you're going to be on an emotional roller coaster. I'm not sure where I am in my beliefs anymore for my own reasons that I have to come to terms with myself. But you are. And if there's one thing that I hope you realize the next time that you're down, it's that SOMETHING somewhere out there, some force, wants you to live. The well timed visit, the thread here. Some controlling force in the universe is reaching out to you and telling you that you're meant to live on and build something brand new for yourself. Listen to it.

 

[neuronet]

Doing well this morning. No indigestion for the plate of wings I devoured last evening.

lmao Well that is good news indeed.

 

[ralmat55]

I regret to report that I am back in deep despair tonight. It was a simple, beautiful memory that opened the floodgates to a renewed surge of betrayal, rejection, failure and anguish. I drove home from work sobbing and wailing uncontrollably.

Tomorrow morning I take my dog Moses to the vet. It is not hard in my current emotional state to imagine the worse. I recalled a memory when Moses was young and spry and could jump on our bed. Many nights he would and he and I would make a sandwich with my wife. My arms would be around her and her legs would be wrapped around my legs as we laid their together with our boy. We would joke about how cute it would look from heaven.

We discussed the inevitable day when we would have to say goodbye to Moses. We said we would just hold each other and cry until neither of us had any tears left. Now she is gone. And, if not tomorrow it will be soon that I will have to say goodbye to him all by myself. Now, I have to face the decisions of providing or not providing care that I can not afford on one income.

We all can understand hurting so much physically that we will ourselves to die. Tonight as I have many times face anguish so intense that I just want it to end. I want to live. I have things to live for, but the sadness is so intense and overwhelming that I wish I was dead to escape it.

All my life I've prided myself on not being a burden. I am a giver not a taker. But, I need to be held up by you my friends tonight. Please post words of advice and encouragement. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. And Moses too.

 

[anditsgood]

Kenneth, Deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes, Go make a sandwich for Moses, he will appreciate it. You are the one that is keeping your promise to be there, and if tomorrow is there, think of what is the best for moses.

Occupy your mind, and deal with just Moses,

Ill have you both in my prayers.

 

[SEA_Pat]

I regret to report that I am back in deep despair tonight. It was a simple, beautiful memory that opened the floodgates to a renewed surge of betrayal, rejection, failure and anguish. I drove home from work sobbing and wailing uncontrollably.

Tomorrow morning I take my dog Moses to the vet. It is not hard in my current emotional state to imagine the worse. I recalled a memory when Moses was young and spry and could jump on our bed. Many nights he would and he and I would make a sandwich with my wife. My arms would be around her and her legs would be wrapped around my legs as we laid their together with our boy. We would joke about how cute it would look from heaven.

We discussed the inevitable day when we would have to say goodbye to Moses. We said we would just hold each other and cry until neither of us had any tears left. Now she is gone. And, if not tomorrow it will be soon that I will have to say goodbye to him all by myself. Now, I have to face the decisions of providing or not providing care that I can not afford on one income.

We all can understand hurting so much physically that we will ourselves to die. Tonight as I have many times face anguish so intense that I just want it to end. I want to live. I have things to live for, but the sadness is so intense and overwhelming that I wish I was dead to escape it.

All my life I've prided myself on not being a burden. I am a giver not a taker. But, I need to be held up by you my friends tonight. Please post words of advice and encouragement. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. And Moses too.

I think you should call your sister and ask if she'd mind coming over to grieve with you. And if she's not around, then call your friends. And if they're not around, I'd bet that someone on the Forum who's nearby wouldn't mind dropping in. Rough times for you, no doubt about it. But better times ahead if you can just weather the storm. Stay strong and live for yourself, in the present, not the past.

 

[anditsgood]

@Kenneth Sims , Sea_Pat is right, call your sister, call your friends, do not do this night alone

 

[neuronet]

Sorry to hear that Kenneth. I think I told you via PM about the story about my dog. They really are family members, just unconditional love all the way. the last time I cried was when we had to send my dog to New Hampshire to live with my mom, because he did not handle our newborn well. I still miss that bastard.

Just keep coming here and unloading on us and asking for help: use those numbers, PMs, and keep sharing that burden around the room so we all can help carry it with you. Sounds like a horrible night.

I remember one time I was crying on a freaking airplane trip my girlfriend I flew to visit from New Hampshire broke up with me, I was flying home from this trip from hell. The stewardess was like "???" they thought I was nuts. But that's where I was, I was freakin' in a spot where I was unable to stop myself from crying. Sometimes that's where we need to be. But always better to be there with friends and family, so connect here, or your sister, or any other methods, just let us know anything we can do!

Now I can laugh about how I must have looked to all these people like some weirdo crying on a plane!

 

[Tony2046]

Wow Kenneth. Very tough situation.

A few months after my Ex had left one of our dogs ( we had three, two big guys and a small guy) ran over to a dog chained up in a neighbor's yard and was viciously attacked. I drove him straight to an emergency vet clinic. After going over his injuries they told me it would cost about 3 to 4 hundred to get him patched up. I said no problem. They took my credit card and came back and told me that it was denied. I told them no matter what I would pay that bill just take care of my dog but they refused. As I was pleading with them I could hear my little buddy screaming in pain. They said they only thing they would do is put him to sleep. Kenneth, I am not sure what my deepest point was but that was really ****ing close. By the way my credit card had been denied because my Ex had maxed it out without me knowing it. I never thought of canceling the card or anything at the time. Found out later that both our cards were maxed out and that stores we had a credit line with were maxed out. So my dog was gone and I had just found out that I had so much debt that I could not realistically earn enough money per month to make the payments and still eat. That was a very deep point.

Here is what I want you to know. I can't tell exactly how long it took or when exactly I reached high points but they did happen. Months later I was definitely on my way. I buried my dog in a respectful place and in a respectful way. A few years later I had friends and started dating around that time. I was completely out of that hole and was back to being myself. You will get there as well.

I promise you this. Once you fight this thing and win it will no longer be able to bother you again. It truly will make you stronger in all aspects of life. For example if it used to bother you when someone degraded you.....not anymore because you just won't care. It will have little value to you.

Hang in there buddy. It does and it will get better.

 

[Ian]

I regret to report that I am back in deep despair tonight. It was a simple, beautiful memory that opened the floodgates to a renewed surge of betrayal, rejection, failure and anguish. I drove home from work sobbing and wailing uncontrollably.

Tomorrow morning I take my dog Moses to the vet. It is not hard in my current emotional state to imagine the worse. I recalled a memory when Moses was young and spry and could jump on our bed. Many nights he would and he and I would make a sandwich with my wife. My arms would be around her and her legs would be wrapped around my legs as we laid their together with our boy. We would joke about how cute it would look from heaven.

We discussed the inevitable day when we would have to say goodbye to Moses. We said we would just hold each other and cry until neither of us had any tears left. Now she is gone. And, if not tomorrow it will be soon that I will have to say goodbye to him all by myself. Now, I have to face the decisions of providing or not providing care that I can not afford on one income.

We all can understand hurting so much physically that we will ourselves to die. Tonight as I have many times face anguish so intense that I just want it to end. I want to live. I have things to live for, but the sadness is so intense and overwhelming that I wish I was dead to escape it.

All my life I've prided myself on not being a burden. I am a giver not a taker. But, I need to be held up by you my friends tonight. Please post words of advice and encouragement. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. And Moses too.

Just sent you an email - please be sure to check it.

 

[nickw308810]

Kenneth,

I know today has been tough, but as anditsgood said, deal with tomorrow tomorrow and enjoy your time with Moses now. Sounds like a great dog!

Everyone is thinking about you and praying for you man. I hope you are able to get some rest and have a better day tomorrow!

 

[supafly]

Kenneth--please remember the fact about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will feel better, but there is a grieving process that takes place.

Take advantage of your friends and family, and also consider checking into a facility where you can get some help, advice, medication, and most importantly--time, to deal with your grief. It's amazing what a very short period of time in the right setting can do for a person. Perhaps your sister could watch the dog for a week or so?

Depression and grief can snatch away all rational thinking, to where suicide actually seems like a viable option. Realize that this is your grief speaking, and that you will look back upon this as a strong moment of overcoming an obstacle.

 

[anditsgood]

@Kenneth Sims

Let us know that you are fine buddy

 

[PatsBoy12]

Hey fam,

I just wanted to check in this morning. I had one of those "one step back" moments last night and this morning. I am well for the most part, but it is a bit more difficult this morning than it has been the past four or five days. I'm not in the dungeon, but I feel a bit closer than I have. I am still fighting and encourage @Kenneth Sims to do the same. We are both on the emotional roller coaster that @KontradictioN described in a recent post. I at least know I can run here when I start to feel this way. I am off to work and then I have a four-day weekend. I am thinking of taking the five-hour drive to Miami to be with my family, though that's still up in the air (finances). Anyway, I hope you all are doing well. I'm still fighting.

 

[ralmat55]

My boy Moses 6/1/06 to 10/15/15 - RIP my precious boy

Cancer

 

[neuronet]

My boy Moses 6/1/06 to 10/15/15 - RIP my precious boy

Cancer

Oh man I'm really sorry to hear that.

You and him are both in my thoughts today. Sounds like you guys had some good times together, like he was a real sweetheart. He's lucky he had you there by his side the whole time.

Hope you'll take some time today to remember the fun times, maybe look at some of the pictures (especially if they don't include the Evil One), talk to your sister about it. Be strong. I know you'll probably have to talk to the ex about it, please come here and unload on us if you have to, if that adds to the miasma. Just...be strong bro!

PM me if you want to chat. I check this site too often, every hour or so.

You can't catch a freakin' break; what a month for you.

 

[Tony2046]

Sorry to hear that Kenneth.

My prayers are with you and Moses.

 

[Tony2046]

Keep in this in mind Kenneth,

There are countless of "pets" that have horrific lives.

Moses had a great life and was obviously treated as an important part of yours.

God bless him and you.

 

[Kontradiction]

My boy Moses 6/1/06 to 10/15/15 - RIP my precious boy

Cancer

I'm so sorry, my man. I can't imagine losing my dog right now but I know how you're feeling. Keep your chin up and know that Moses had a great life.

 

[Joey007]

I'm sorry to hear this Kenneth. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Rest in peace to Moses, he sounds like he was a great companion. Just know you gave him a great life, and enjoy the years you spent with him as your dog.