I Could Use Your Thoughts and Prayers

[Hercules Rockefeller]

This is my favorite thread ever. I'm so happy that it exists. PB12 and Kenneth, I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this way. This thread gives me great joy and makes me proud of my fellow humans. The outpouring of support is so encouraging, but the fight of those going through hell is incredible. Someone who does not quit when others may have think he's lost, or when she doubts if she can go on but does so anyway, now that's a competitor right there. That's a lion.

The ability to bring joy to others is a very valuable one. It's far more important than being able to block or tackle.

Consider that in your darkest of hours, you are still capable of bringing great joy to complete strangers. So, though you may at times feel weak, you are demonstrably quite powerful. Kudos to you my friends and to everyone who is on your side...which is everyone.

 

[#56300ex]

I'm not sure if I can add much more to this thread as there has been some great advice but I'll try anyway.
Kenneth and Patsboy (and anyone else that is currently struggling) As a man who has fought his inner demons and lived to tell about it, I'll be the first one to tell you that beating those dark thoughts is a victory you'll savor the rest of your life.
Depression is tough to beat because it knows your every thought and emotion and tries to control them. Keep in mind that those dark thoughts and feelings ISN'T YOU.
Get professional help, one size doesn't fit all, it may take some time but keep searching until you find a counselor you can connect with.
I'm living proof that depression can be beat, and WHEN YOU DO BEAT THIS, you'll be SO MUCH STRONGER for it

 

[thecore762]

Be strong! Sending prayers and thoughts! We family here!

 

[ralmat55]

Good morning friends. Not sure where I am emotionally this morning. She is strong in my thoughts. I always used to say that pro football was the default of my mind. Now it is her. My mind inevitably drifts back to her. So many joyful memories which I do not know what to do with at this time..

It's going to be a long day of work followed by an inane team building exercise in the evening.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. God bless you all.

 

[ralmat55]

Are you in Mass?

Here's what I would like to do. I would love to take you and @PatsBoy12 out for a beer.

We could talk trash about the Colts. We could get some Sh!t off of our chest. We could talk about all the bull sh!t going on in our lives. You will soon realize that as crappy as it is right now, and I know it is a bunch of crap, a year from now you will be over this. It will be a distant memory sort of speak.
.

I live in Maine. Would love to meet up with PB12, you and all my dear friends at some point.

 

[#56300ex]

Good morning friends. Not sure where I am emotionally this morning. She is strong in my thoughts. I always used to say that pro football was the default of my mind. Now it is her. My mind inevitably drifts back to her. So many joyful memories which I do not know what to do with at this time..

It's going to be a long day of work followed by an inane team building exercise in the evening.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. God bless you all.

Here's an idea that helped me. When you're trying not to think off something, that's inevitability what you think of so go ahead and think about her..but only a few times a day for a set amount of time. If you have to make a mental "appointment" to do it..so be it.
But once that 5,10,30 minutes is over, so is the "appointment" and that's your cue to focus on something else for a while.
Physical activity is paramount, start walking, running, and/or join a gym. It's amazing how much better you'll feel physically AND mentally.
Also, pick up a new hobby in which you know nothing about and immerse yourself in it.Doesn't matter what it is as long as it's something that your mind has to learn.
Mine just happened to be the bass guitar (I'm still not that great but getting better)

 

[Kontradiction]

Good morning friends. Not sure where I am emotionally this morning. She is strong in my thoughts. I always used to say that pro football was the default of my mind. Now it is her. My mind inevitably drifts back to her. So many joyful memories which I do not know what to do with at this time..

It's going to be a long day of work followed by an inane team building exercise in the evening.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. God bless you all.

She's going to remain strong in your thoughts for some time. Love is a drug and is the hardest habit to break. Once you do break it, however, you will feel like a brand new man and your life will have never felt more fulfilling.

 

[edkk323]

I am having a horrid day. Drowning at work fighting so hard to not cry. My sadness is overwhelming again. My insides are shaking. I went for a walk just now on the street where I work. Thoughts of jumping in front of vehicles kept entering my mind. It is how my father died (believe accidental but...)so it would be fitting.

I am getting care both medical and psychological care but my sense of hopelessness is persistent. Although I just want to die, I am not going to give in to my urges because I do not want to hurt my family and my Patsfans family. But, it hurts so much. Would not wish this on anyone not even my wife's lover. Please pray for me and offer encouragement. I am going to fight. God bless you my friends.

Kenneth, it would not be a crime to let your emotion out.... There is absolutely no shame in crying...
Let it out..
Talk to someone about your sadness..
Speak out loud so you do not have to let it circle in your mind..

I personally came from a very very dysfunctional family. I could not date anyone or be close to anyone because I could not trust them because I could not share my deepest fear and sadness and bullshxt with them. I fear that they would not understand.

I often envy people with love ones. So I envy you. Despite your loss, I still envy you. You and your wife must shared a memorable life together.

Dude, cherish it. Think about some funny or even embarrassing memory your two had. Talk about these memory. Instead of thinking about what you lost, Let us celebrate it!!

 

[SEA_Pat]

Just wanted to pitch in my two cents (Canadian, so it's like 1.6 cents US). You guys are tough as nails from my point of view for being able to deal with depression and/or catastrophic family events and keep moving forward. It's great that you're gaining solace and support from the forum and no doubt your friends and family. And that's something you need to keep in mind when you think about the easier alternatives - it's devastating for those who know and love someone when they decide to check out. I remember when my best friend from high school took that route out of an unhappy marriage, and it threw me off for years afterwards, couldn't get it out of my head, couldn't stop wondering why he didn't reach out. You have, and how I wish he had.

I'm an Atheist, so to me every moment is precious since there's nothing else once we're gone. But I can completely understand those people who feel like they're boxed in or have nothing more to live for. There's a lot of unhappy and selfish people in the world who use others and drag them down. Just like Fraudger and the Jets at the NYFL are trying to do to our beloved franchise. To me, the best response is to take the high road, smile at their sad lives and move on with ours, content in the joy of daily experience and expectation of better things down the road. By accepting change, you open up a new avenue of experience and often it brings with it both new challenges and new energy. Seize this as an opportunity to change and improve your lives, discard the things that are making you unhappy and embrace new things you haven't tried before. An old engineering maxim is "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." But its seldom used corollary is "if it IS broke, FIX IT!" I wish you all the best in your efforts. And if a trip to Southeast Asia would help improve your state of mind, let me know and I'll set you up with places to go, people to meet and join you for some beers and golf along the way. You have the power to control your life, don't let other people take it away from you.

 

[sevengables_2207]

I am so happy about this thread. And thankful. Thankful that Patsboy12 and Kenneth are still here, and thankful that so many Patsfans posters have taken the time out of their lives to come here to help support others in need.

It is a great example (and reminder) that humans are here because of giving support in exchange for getting support, that priceless exchange of positive energy between peoples.

Give support, get support, what a wonderful phrase! I have long believed that this exchange of positive energy is the true definition of what it means to have "wealth".

 

[neuronet]

Good morning friends. Not sure where I am emotionally this morning. She is strong in my thoughts. I always used to say that pro football was the default of my mind. Now it is her. My mind inevitably drifts back to her. So many joyful memories which I do not know what to do with at this time..

It's going to be a long day of work followed by an inane team building exercise in the evening.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. God bless you all.

You are still there in my thoughts, buddy. I'm still PMing you like a stalker just about every day.

I remember when I went througha breakup (nothing as bad as you) in graduate school and I could think of nothing but this girl, and I was supposed to be a TA and teaching students about the Iliad or some such **** in Humanities, or maybe that year it was Calculus I don't even remember. I would be talking to them and thinking about her at the same time, feeling lower than whale **** in the trenches, and then go back to wandering around campus feeling like I wanted to die.

It took me about three weeks to stop feeling that way. And now I think my lucky stars I am no longer with that psycho b-word. My life would be so much worse if she were still in it.

So just hang in there buddy, yours is much worse than mine was, I readily admit. It will take longer for you, and be a bit harder, but please don't do anything permanent to what is going to be a temporary problem....

You've got two families now.

 

[SammyBlueCat]

I hope everyone is feeling better.

 

[Bobs My Uncle]

This is my favorite thread ever. I'm so happy that it exists. PB12 and Kenneth, I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this way. This thread gives me great joy and makes me proud of my fellow humans. The outpouring of support is so encouraging, but the fight of those going through hell is incredible. Someone who does not quit when others may have think he's lost, or when she doubts if she can go on but does so anyway, now that's a competitor right there. That's a lion.

The ability to bring joy to others is a very valuable one. It's far more important than being able to block or tackle.

Consider that in your darkest of hours, you are still capable of bringing great joy to complete strangers. So, though you may at times feel weak, you are demonstrably quite powerful. Kudos to you my friends and to everyone who is on your side...which is everyone.

And one of the best posts ever. Very well done.

 

[Kontradiction]

I hope everyone is feeling better.

I'm pretty god damn tired right now. I have a trip to Disney lined up for this weekend too so I need today and tomorrow to come and go quickly so I can go down to Mickey's world and take out a second mortgage for a turkey leg and a 12 oz Bud Light.

 

[Tony2046]

Something to laugh about today:

Colts fans are trying to rent a Blimp to fly over the Pats/Colts game, which is at night, and the Dome roof may or may not be closed.

AND , yes it gets better, The guy who started the go fund me site to raise the money for the Blimp is the owner of the company who flies the Blimp.

 

[BTTA]

Man, if you guys actually pull it off and get together for a beer, I'm gonna be jealous.

Maybe we Pats fans in the DC metro area should have a Patboy12-Kenneth night somewhere. Toss a few back and sing praises.

 

[ralmat55]

I often envy people with love ones. So I envy you. Despite your loss, I still envy you. You and your wife must shared a memorable life together.

Dude, cherish it. Think about some funny or even embarrassing memory your two had. Talk about these memory. Instead of thinking about what you lost, Let us celebrate it!!

My wife's first husband died of cancer at 39 years old. I met her 3 months after he died. I was with her as she grieved. I held her and cried with her as she dealt with his death.

Two summers after his death and the summer we were engaged. She was finally ready to disburse his ashes. She wanted to do it down back of our house by a stream that runs through it. Neither of us knew what we were doing. We decided to use soup ladles to spread his ashes. We spread his ashes as the wind gusted at times blowing the ashes back at us. We laughed and cried. She said he would have loved it.

 

[ralmat55]

Where are you Patsboy12? Please post or PM me as i do not know how to do it. If it were not for your brave original post, I most likely would have been sealing up my garage right now in final preparation for my plan to take my life. God bless you my friend! I hope you are fighting the good fight against the darkness. Thank you! I look forward to hearing from you.

 

[jimnance]

I first found this site during the 2001 regular season. A Boston native, I had moved to the NC coast in 1991. It was a way to have a connection with my fellow Pats fans. A lot of us also posted on the old ESPN Pats board, long before they became garbage. The biggest thing then was the Brady vs. bledsoe debates. Some very funny stuff. Life intervened and until a week ago, I hadn't posted in probably 10 years. But I've always utilized patsfans as a resource. BUT.., I have NEVER seen a thread like this. Haven't read the entire thread, but a lot of it. I'm speechless. What an amazing bunch of humans you are. All of you. Im having trouble finding the right words. Very proud of and inspired by, all of you. Much of what is in this thread struck a very familiar, and still raw, nerve. A lot of you have done more good than you know with your posts-im talking about even beyond the OP and Kenneth Sims. And I doubt I'm the only one that was positively affected. Hats off to all of you!

 

[Reckedtrek]

Hey Ken, I've been watching this thread more and posting a little less as I don't want to over do it. Know that I'm thinking about you and PB12 every day, just like a lot of people here.

The first time I had cancer and was going through chemo when I was 23, I would get sick and throw up, especially after treatments. Every other Friday morning into the Dana Farber, get whacked and be out of it for 2-3 days, and then begin to feel human again by Wednesday.

When I'd finish throwing up, I'd smile and laugh a little (pretty gross? ha ha!). My family would ask why I do that. I told them that it was because I knew that it was one more failed attempt at this situation, this disease to bring me down. I knew every time it (throwing up) happened, that's one less I have to get through to get back to being healthy, being whole again.

Did I have panic attacks? Yes I did. Did I have days or at least moments when I thought "I'm not so sure I'm gonna win this..." Yeah, that happened a few times. That's when I'd call a friend (this was before the internet as we know it, existed), play guitar, eat something really good if I was able. But I didn't make it alone, that's for sure.

Well every time you feel despair, just know it's one less time, and the day absolutely will come when you (and PB12) are feeling whole again. I'm actually very glad I went through what I went through, because it changed everything for me, and I've had lots of reminders along the way, too. My vision is worse now, but I can "see" much more clearly. I'm older and less physically powerful, but I'm tougher and way more resilient. I'm not suggesting you'll ever be glad what happened happened, but the day will come when you realize you're whole again.