You know you are a Pats Fan when...

[Wordsmyth]

Wow. Jesticles fans are talking trash on the greatest QB of all time while they blithely ignore their rat-infested sewage treatment plant of a team. Classic diversionary tactics from a petty bunch of losers.

 

[JetFan79]

Are you seriously saying that crying is a knock on Brady and "embarrassing"? Sorry that you Jest fans cannot understand the emotions emitted when recalling experiences having to do with winning meaningful football games. If that's the slight you use as an example of Brady being "less than manly" then you need to put your arm down because you are really reaching here.

Absolutely.

Wow. Jesticles fans are talking trash on the greatest QB of all time while they blithely ignore their rat-infested sewage treatment plant of a team. Classic diversionary tactics from a petty bunch of losers.

I give Tommy tons of credit all over the place. But just because he's one of the best ever on the field does not mean he's untouchable off the field. Dude is metro and very feminine. Will I joke about that? Hells yeah! But he's still a sick QB who I'd happily go tight jean shopping with if he was a Jet.

 

[AtomicDawg]

Dude is metro and very feminine.

Again, you say "feminine" but he's taken vicious hits from the most ferocious of players (Suh, Lewis, Strahan) and has popped back up again. The jokes are noted but they are honestly as played out as Sega Genesis. Saying he "cries" doesn't make him less of a man than someone else. Just like I wouldn't say all Jets fans punch women in their own stadium because they're wearing a different color jersey than puke green.

 

[Actual Pats Fan]

Your first memory of Irving Fryer is of him wrecking his new sports car at halftime during a game at Foxboro.

Someone talks about having female sports reporters at the facility, and your first thought is of Zeke Mowatt.

My first memory of Irving is at the Orange Bowl vs. 'Canes...lots of special, heroic winning plays on the field for the Pats, and a continued struggle vs. personal demons...

My first memory of female reporters is Gayle Granik (Gardner) at Smithfield in '76

Zeke Mowatt and the others were all innocent but labeled rapists by Mayella Ewell, nee Lisa Olson

 

[Actual Pats Fan]

Toilet Bowl=Stupor Bowl '81 vs. Colts?

 

[Patstopia]

You can't wait for July 29th so there will be something to actually talk about!

 

[Actual Pats Fan]

Watch it!
I grew up in Philly and am old enough to have seen the last Eagles NFL Championship team play in 1960; three future HOF''ers in Norm VanBrocklin, Chuck Bednarik and Tommy McDonald, who helped hang on the Packers the only Championship Game loss of Vince Lombardi.
The Pats had "nothing in football" from 1960 to 2002.
Eagles' fans don't "hate their team." They're frustrated and very hard, often unfairly so, on their team. Sort of like what you'll see out here when or if the team struggles for a few years or longer after BB and TB leave. (and almost started to see it after the KC loss).

Kudos and Philly has a rich sports/football history which I appreciate...but the "nothing in football" belief belongs only to flying elvis-likers. Besides receiving a lot of love, Kraft would profit financially too if he would restore the Pats' real logo and uniforms

 

[venecol]

If being metro or feminine lands you a dish like Gisele, I'm all in.

 

[Actual Pats Fan]

Another possible angle of a grudge Shula might have against BB: Bill and Jimmy Johnson are buddies. If Parcells did not bring BB into NE, Johnson might have brought BB into Miami (history might have been different, but let's not think about that.) Shula never forgave Jimmy for firing his son Mike as an assistant while in Dallas. Then there was the role Jimmy had waiting for Shula to go into forced retirement.

Shula is simply a jerk; it's too bad because he could have been a role model for people, instead he's a punchline and, ironically, it's HIS achievements that are now diminished.

 

[Actual Pats Fan]

Caution: Put your food and drink away.

You get visibly nauseous looking at this picture.

Especially this week.

Now scroll down.

I was expecting to see the flying elvis!!!!!!

 

[Joker]

he's not a punchline anymore...he's a ****in' turnip

"Coach...it's me..it's Dan...no, not bed pan...Dan...coach!..aw jeez, somebody call the janitor, coach Shula has just shyt hisself..damn, coach, you really DO smell like a barrel of rotten azzoles...somebody call Advanced Toxic Waste Systems stat!..."

 

[PatsFanInVa]

You know you're a JEST fan when...

...you realize there's never been any reason to be excited in NY about the annual "off-season super-bowl" and in despair sink to trolling a REAL team's board

...you realize that there has not been a Jets player who has mattered during their tenure on the JEST since 1969...

...you have a de facto 3 months of football (rather than the 5 that Pats fans get) before you're really just playing out the string.... AGAIN...

... you think it's a kick to drive down to Baltimore and scream out your car window at senior citizens, "Johnny WHU?"

... you're excited about Christian Hackenberg, Geno Smith, and Bryce Petty duking it out for all the marbles in training camp...

...you're psyched that your irrelevant buttocks will be playing the Pats on Christmas eve, because the best Christmas gift EVAH would be if your 4-10 team comes up big and denies the Pats home field advantage throughout the playoffs....

... you think your game against the Patriots is "your" Super Bowl...

... and you provide the sweetest beverage found in any NFL stadium, to wit, your copious delicious tears.

 

[Actual Pats Fan]

I ran into Grogan at the Hilltop Steak House right after he was dropped as the starter for Tony Eason. He wasn't a happy camper that day. When I said hello to him all he could do was grunt.

Eason was Raymond Berry's Achilles' heel. Anyone with eyes saw that Grogan was the single reason the team was even competitive in '85, and earned the right to start, AND gave the team its best chance to win. SAME for Flutie in '88. Buuuuut...Hey, it wasn't just Berry. Marc Wilson starting over a healthy and active Jim Plunkett in '85? Or Steve Young starting over a healthy and active Joe Montana in the '93 NFCCG? ALL those games were lost before the opening kickoff.

 

[Actual Pats Fan]

...you watch the whole '75 season intently, knowing that you're team is loaded and if healthy the next year could beat anyone...and you DESPISE the Giants. Oh, your hear blabbing about Sam Hough, Gifford, Summerall, Kyle Rote etc. and we didn't have a team? Well, since 1960 we DO have a team, one that's been laughed at really more than any other in history, but it's OUR team. So, you tell CBS to stop piping in stupid meaningless Giants games into our market, and if you don't like it, buy a satellite dish. Better yet, move to New York...you see your team robbed of a championship in '76 and two years later you're up late watching a preseason game on the coast and see Darryl Stingley instantly go from a promising young husband and father about to sign an extension to a paraplegic. After being homeless for eleven years and going 25 years before winning a playoff game, you then get to wait...wait for Orthwein to leave...then, wait for Parcells to leave...then, wait for Bledsoe to leave...and after 23 years, you're still waiting for Kraft to finally flush the flying elvis down the toilet and restore our real logo and uniforms.

Bob: "Say, who was that bald guy in the suit sitting behind us in the plane?"

Bill: "I have no idea."

So, after Orthwein destroyed our logo and uniforms you still continue to follow the game, though, and five weeks after you get married you glance at SB XXXI. Even if Troy Brown were cloned twice and three of him played, they were not going to win that day. Green Bay had the better team. Hmm, the Packers, who although they stunk in the 70's and 80's still managed not to destroy their logo and uniforms...But something happened on the flight home that night. "It was," as September likes to say, "an important moment." Anyway, after one weird press conference, one lost first round draft pick and one Orange Bowl comeback, it eventually leads to us having the best coach of his era, who drafted the transcendent player of his generation. They're not perfect, but they never cheated, in any way, shape or form. So, Krafts can file amicus briefs and and Pats fans can wear free brady t-shirts, and both may continue to whine defensively; OR, we can all get down in a three point stance, grab the ball, get ready to snap it to Tom for the winning touchdown, glare at the world and say, "We are the New England Patriots. We're not going anywhere, and we're not the puppets of the NFL." At least, not anymore.

Art Eddy: Which is better the old or new Patriots logo?


Steve Grogan: Oh, the old by far. Everybody that I see tells me that.




petition: Join The Coalition for the Permanent Restoration of The New England Patriots' Real Logo and Uniforms

 

[Actual Pats Fan]

...when it's still June, so you've been working on your Pats-Star Wars juxtaposition (yep, clearly I have no life):


Luke Skywalker....................................................Steve Grogan
Obi-Wan Kenobi..................................................Bill Belichick
Han Solo..............................................................Russ Francis
Chewbacca...........................................................Rob Gronkowski
Anakin Skywalker................................................Robert Kraft
Darth Vader.........................................................Darth Raider
Princess Leia........................................................Bobbie Grogan
Grand Moff Tarkin...............................................Ben Dreith
Jabba the Hutt.....................................................Buddy Ryan
Jar Jar Binks.........................................................Jerry Rice
Lando Calrissian..................................................Stanley Morgan
Qui-Gon Jinn.......................................................Pat Patriot
Poe Dameron.......................................................Tom Brady
C-3PO..................................................................John Smith
R2-D2..................................................................Randy Vataha
Yoda....................................................................Mosi Tatupu
Finn.....................................................................Rodney Harrison
Senator Palpatine.................................................Woody Johnson
Rune Haako.........................................................Chris Mortensen
Saesee Tiin..........................................................Andre Tippett
Darth Sidious......................................................Don Shula
Mace Windu.......................................................Julius Adams
Daultay Dofine....................................................Professor Robert Blecker
Govenor Sio Bibble.............................................Billy Sullivan
Finis Valorum......................................................Paul Tagliabue
Watto..................................................................Bill Polian
Boss Nass............................................................John Hannah
Sebulba...............................................................Jack Tatum
Captain Panaka..................................................Prentice McCray
Fode and Beed...................................................Rex and Rob Ryan
Nute Gunray......................................................Matt Walsh
Darth Maul........................................................Bernard Pollard
Lobot.................................................................Drew Bledsoe
Maz Kanata.......................................................Myra Kraft
Captain Phasma................................................Lisa Olson
Kylo Ren............................................................flying elvis
General Hux......................................................John Harbaugh
Rey....................................................................Hannah L.
Lor San Tekka...................................................Gino Cappelletti
Boba Fett..........................................................Ray Lewis
Admiral Motti...................................................Tom Jackson
Padme Amidala.................................................Gisele Bundchen
BB8...................................................................Julian Edelman
Count Duuku....................................................Jeff Pash
Wedge Antilles.................................................Danny Amendola
Wampa.............................................................Michael Strahan
General Willard................................................Mike Holovak
General Dodonna.............................................Chuck Fairbanks
Greedo..............................................................Andrew Luck
Admiral Ackbar.................................................Gil Santos
Admiral Piett.....................................................Ted Wells
Moff Jerjerrod..................................................Gerry Austin
Nien Nunb........................................................Ernie Adams
Supreme Leader Snoke.....................................Roger Goodell

...

 

[Galeb]

You truly believe that they should rename the Lombardi Trophy!

No, I believe the Lombardi Trophy remains appropriately named. On the other hand, the Lamar Hunt Trophy should be renamed the moment TB retires.

 

[PatsFanInVa]

...when it's still June, so you've been working on your Pats-Star Wars juxtaposition (yep, clearly I have no life):


Luke Skywalker....................................................Steve Grogan
Obi-Wan Kenobi..................................................Bill Belichick
Han Solo..............................................................Russ Francis
Chewbacca...........................................................Rob Gronkowski
Anakin Skywalker................................................Robert Kraft
Darth Vader.........................................................Darth Raider
Princess Leia........................................................Bobbie Grogan
Grand Moff Tarkin...............................................Ben Dreith
Jabba the Hutt.....................................................Buddy Ryan
Jar Jar Binks.........................................................Jerry Rice
Lando Calrissian..................................................Stanley Morgan
Qui-Gon Jinn.......................................................Pat Patriot
Poe Dameron.......................................................Tom Brady
C-3PO..................................................................John Smith
R2-D2..................................................................Randy Vataha
Yoda....................................................................Mosi Tatupu
Finn.....................................................................Rodney Harrison
Senator Palpatine.................................................Woody Johnson
Rune Haako.........................................................Chris Mortensen
Saesee Tiin..........................................................Andre Tippett
Darth Sidious......................................................Roger Goodell
Mace Windu.......................................................Julius Adams
Daultay Dofine....................................................Professor Robert Blecker
Govenor Sio Bibble.............................................Billy Sullivan
Finis Valorum......................................................Paul Tagliabue
Watto..................................................................Bill Polian
Boss Nass............................................................John Hannah
Sebulba...............................................................Jack Tatum
Captain Panaka..................................................Prentice McCray
Fode and Beed...................................................Rex and Rob Ryan
Nute Gunray......................................................Matt Walsh
Darth Maul........................................................Bernard Pollard
Lobot.................................................................Drew Bledsoe
Maz Kanata.......................................................Myra Kraft
Captain Phasma................................................Lisa Olson
Kylo Ren............................................................flying elvis
General Hux......................................................John Harbaugh
Rey....................................................................Hannah L.
Lor San Tekka...................................................Gino Cappelletti
Boba Fett..........................................................Ray Lewis
Admiral Motti...................................................Tom Jackson
Padme Amidala.................................................Gisele Bundchen
BB8...................................................................Julian Edelman
Count Duuku....................................................Don Shula
Wedge Antilles.................................................Danny Amendola
Wampa.............................................................Michael Strahan
General Willard................................................Mike Holovak
General Dodonna.............................................Chuck Fairbanks
Greedo..............................................................Andrew Luck
Admiral Ackbar.................................................Gil Santos
Admiral Piett.....................................................Ted Wells
Moff Jerjerrod..................................................Gerry Austin
Nien Nunb........................................................Ernie Adams

Seriously?

You seriously think that somebody beat out Bill Belichick for Darth Vader?

Really?

Sorry, you're just trying too hard to be the good guys

 

[Wordsmyth]

Absolutely.



I give Tommy tons of credit all over the place. But just because he's one of the best ever on the field does not mean he's untouchable off the field. Dude is metro and very feminine. Will I joke about that? Hells yeah! But he's still a sick QB who I'd happily go tight jean shopping with if he was a Jet.

You're obviously this board's contrarian poster man-child for epic fail and petulant jealousy. Douchebag. NEXT!!

 

[JetFan79]

You're obviously this board's contrarian poster man-child for epic fail and petulant jealousy. Douchebag. NEXT!!

Douchebag is an underrated insult. Nice job. That's earned one "you know you're a Pat's fan when..." joke.

You get second-hand embarrassment when no one high fives Brady

 

[1960Pats]

You get second-hand embarrassment when no one high fives Brady

Talk about second-hand embarrassment