The Movie Saw: A Goodell Scenario

[Ice_Ice_Brady]

I would like to hear some suggestions of a Saw-style scenario in which Roger Goodell is forced to choose between saving his life and sacrificing some major bodily part or function. The scenario should be related to his transgressions, lies, and hypocrisy. Please don't be afraid to be gory or disgusting; you won't be judged (in fact, you just may be complimented and patted on the back.)

Disclaimer: This is, of course, a fictional scenario.

 

[Kontradiction]

 

[varjao]

Forced to deflate his own balls using Walt Anderson's gauge, the one without the logo.

 

[Patriot Missile]

It was Kensils idea!

 

[Tunescribe]

Well, since he has screwed us royally, the chain should be attached to his ...

 

[Ice_Ice_Brady]

Goodell wakes up and finds himself in the Foxboro bathroom (the one McNally entered) with the metal skull crushing contraption on his head.

<Jigsaw Comes on the Television wearing a Patriots Jersey:>

Hello, Roger. For years, you have made a name for yourself, and enjoyed in the fame and riches of being a celebrity as an enforcer of rules and harsh penalties. In doing so, you have proclaimed yourself an advocate of truth and justice. You have stepped on the heads of other men, creating lies and framing them for crimes they did not commit, under the guise of integrity.

Today, you have a chance to show your own integrity, and your sense of justice will be tested. Just as you claim to enforce punishments to protect the game you love, today you will play a different game. Today, we will play a game of 20 questions.

Attached to your arm is a wire which is connected to a polygraph test; the wire feeds an electric signal to the metal cleaver on your head. The moment you tell a lie, the contraption will shut, killing you instantly. If you answer the questions truthfully, you will live. If you live, your answers will be video recorded and sent to every major media outlet in the country, and your precious public opinion will give you your day in court to answer for your crimes.

Is your life worth living with the ugly hypocrisy attached to it?

Now, let's start with your relationship with Ted Wells...

 

[chasa]

This is a completely insane concept but ill humor you.

Goodell wakes up in a 20 feet by 20 feet room, walls are concrete, a rusty metal door is on the north wall.

in the top south west corner is a small tv, on the west wall is what looks like a small bucket, with a hole drilled into the bottom and a pipe leading through the wall, just above it is a strange device.

*bzszrrrrkt*

Hello Commissioner, would you like to play a game?

As commissioner of the NFL you have spent years lying to the public about almost everything while at the same time continually throwing the players into the meat grinder of concussions and career ending injuries. You treat domestic violence like a minor annoyance, while you seem to make up rules as you go, Today we are going to see just how attached you are to speaking the lies you seem to relish.

This room is located on a boat 1 mile off of the coast of New York city, in 2 hours and 45 minutes, It is going to be sunk to the bottom of the Atlantic ocean. In order to unlock the door you will need to give that which your players give every sunday, your blood, sweat, and tears. Once enough has been filled into the bucket the door will unlock and you will be able to make your way to the last remaining evacuation boat.

At this point goodell realizes hes in a straight jacket

Oh and to get out of the straight jacket, just stick your tongue into the devices above the bucket

*bzrrrrrkt*

Obviously the device is a tongue removal tool.

 

[NashuaPats]

Personally, I'd like to see Belichick make Goodell an offer he can't refuse.