If you don't know the story of Thanksgivukkah...
When the Jews, led by the Maccabees, beat the army of the AngloGrecoSyrian king Antiochus then fled to the New World to escape persecution, they boarded the Meh-flower, and landed at Mishpocha Rock, around which they formed Mishpocha Shmeer, or "the whole Mishpocha area."
Squanto, a Patuxent Indian, taught the Jews to catch eels and grow corn after the first harsh winter the Jews spent in what they named "Jew England," so they survived through the next growing season. Some Jews ate the eels, even though they were clearly not kosher, invoking the talmudic principle pikuach nefesh, or "to save a life [you can break a commandment.]" In return, they showed the Patuxents how to make gefilte eel. This caused some discussion of a massacre against the Jews of Mishpocha Shmeer, but the Indians finally decided they were probably trying to make a joke, not kill them.
The Maccabees, on the other hand, ate only the corn, and continually berated the eel-eaters.
After the first harvest, the Maccabees declared a feast, which was attended by all of Mishpocha Shmeer. Then on the morning of the feast, the Lord sent unto them a single scrawny turkey, which they killed kosher, and sent their womenfolk to prepare, along with the things they had on hand -- the corn the Indians taught them about, some potatoes, and horseradish.
Meanwhile, after some discussion of portion sizes, the Maccabees dispatched the assimilationist eel-eaters. Then they started noshing on nuts and berries, and watched Wampanoag against Patuxent at 12:30.
When the turkey was done, it was served up with horseradish, corn, and latkes with sour cream. Miraculously, no matter how much turkey they ate, there was still more on the carcass. They ate their main feast meal, then got up and made a bagel and turkey sandwich, then in the morning they had turkey omelettes, and so on and so on, for eight days.
By that time, of course, the turkey was crawling with all manner of bacteria, and the Jews of Mishpocha Shmeer took ill with food poisoning. Then the Pilgrims landed, renamed Mishpocha Rock, Plymouth Rock, renamed Mishpocha Shmeer, Plymouth Plantation, but kept up the traditional Thanksgivvukah feast, which they renamed Thanksgiving. Latkes and sour cream gave way to yams and cranberry sauce, yarmulkes gave way to hats with ornamental buckles, but everything else stayed pretty similar.
Today, to mark Thanksgivvukah, Jews arrange eight turkey drumsticks in a Menurkey, douse them in alcohol, and roast them. Children play with a dreidel, or a gambling top, inscribed with the Hebrew letters Nun, Gimel, Heh, and Shin, for the Hebrew phrase "Nes Gadol Hayah Sham" - a great miracle happened here. An alternate interpretation is the Yiddish, "Nosh Groesse, Hanoe hobn, Shlof," or "Eat a lot, enjoy, take a nap." And we remember our victory over the AngloGrecoSyrian king Antiochus and the Maccabees' victory over the eel-eaters.
So pretty much the standard script for our holidays: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
