I Could Use Your Thoughts and Prayers

[PatsBoy12]

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO THE BOARD! I have continued to stay in my fight, but I have more or less been pushing through it alone but with the advice I've received from so many. I know some of you have said that I shouldn't do that, but please understand that that's just me sometimes. I don't always want to be a burden. But I'm still alive. Thank you to all of you. Special shot out to @Ian and @Kenneth Sims. Those two have put in a lot of work with me behind the scenes. Kenneth has kept this thread alive (No pun intended). To those who began the fight and are still checking in, I can't say enough how much that means to someone like me. Depression has a way of making you feel like you're the only one on the planet with problems, and you all re-taught me that this is never true.

Anyway, I felt compelled to come in and say Happy New Year (that and the fact that I just got my internet back yesterday). Much luv to all you wonderful people. I will be better about checking in and getting to the PM's I have yet to respond to. The tears flow still, but I'm pushing through. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

 

[Reckedtrek]

Keep on fighting, PatBoy12. We're in your corner.

 

[PatsBoy12]

Keep on fighting, PatBoy12. We're in your corner.

OH, trust me when I say I know. You all have never stopped, even when I took a break from posting anything on the board at all. On top of what I'm going through, I just found out today that one of my few friends lost his mother to suicide yesterday. So when I say I know it's not just me going through it, I really get it now. I'm doing my best to be for him what you all have been for me.

I really can't say enough what the support has meant to me. I don't know if I'd be typing these words had it not been for you all and some of the people in my personal life. And I am not saying those words lightly. I know what it's like to want to end it all, and the fact that my buddy's mother did it is something I understand on a deeper level. I know what that level of despair and loneliness is like. He knows that too, and that's why I think he is so receptive to me at this time. It's amazing how I can find the strength to be there for someone else, even as I am in the pit too. Human nature is both incredible and reprehensible (sometimes) at the same time. I promised you all that I would not give up on my fight if you all did not give up on me. You all have stayed true, so must I. Thank you, Recked. Thank you everyone!

 

[anditsgood]

OH, trust me when I say I know. You all have never stopped, even when I took a break from posting anything on the board at all. On top of what I'm going through, I just found out today that one of my few friends lost his mother to suicide yesterday. So when I say I know it's not just me going through it, I really get it now. I'm doing my best to be for him what you all have been for me.

I really can't say enough what the support has meant to me. I don't know if I'd be typing these words had it not been for you all and some of the people in my personal life. And I am not saying those words lightly. I know what it's like to want to end it all, and the fact that my buddy's mother did it is something I understand on a deeper level. I know what that level of despair and loneliness is like. He knows that too, and that's why I think he is so receptive to me at this time. It's amazing how I can find the strength to be there for someone else, even as I am in the pit too. Human nature is both incredible and reprehensible (sometimes) at the same time. I promised you all that I would not give up on my fight if you all did not give up on me. You all have stayed true, so must I. Thank you, Recked. Thank you everyone!

man, I am so sorry to hear, but you are 100% correct, human nature is both incredibly positive as well as disgustingly reprehensible, but we decide which we are, and when, for the most part,

I pray you find a way to keep you demons at bay in these turbulent times.

 

[PatsBoy12]

man, I am so sorry to hear, but you are 100% correct, human nature is both incredibly positive as well as disgustingly reprehensible, but we decide which we are, and when, for the most part,

I pray you find a way to keep you demons at bay in these turbulent times.

Andi, thank you. I'm doing the best to keep the demons at bay. I even told myself that 2016 would be the year I CHOOSE to forget the past and stop letting it impact my present and future. It's hard because some of the things haunting me remain ever present in my life, but it's still a fight that I'm facing with a renewed sense of self and urgency to fight. Being able to travel to NY to be with family during Christmas was also huge for me.

I hope for and look forward to the day that I can come on the board and proclaim to you all that I'm good. And I know that doesn't mean 100 percent, but it means that I have put most of the hurt behind for good. I'm not there yet, but I'm striving . . . working . . . fighting for it. There's really not much more I can do. Your words and prayers keep me inspired. They keep me alive (literally). Thank you.

 

[anditsgood]

Andi, thank you. I'm doing the best to keep the demons at bay. I even told myself that 2016 would be the year I CHOOSE to forget the past and stop letting it impact my present and future. It's hard because some of the things haunting me remain ever present in my life, but it's still a fight that I'm facing with a renewed sense of self and urgency to fight. Being able to travel to NY to be with family during Christmas was also huge for me.

I hope for and look forward to the day that I can come on the board and proclaim to you all that I'm good. And I know that doesn't mean 100 percent, but it means that I have put most of the hurt behind for good. I'm not there yet, but I'm striving . . . working . . . fighting for it. There's really not much more I can do. Your words and prayers keep me inspired. They keep me alive (literally). Thank you.

Ive learnt at a young age to shut down emotions and to refocus when things are too crazy, perhaps at times, i shut them down too quick, and too much. when i told you that you need to tell yourself to shut the **** up, i was talking from experience, you can be your own worst enemy. Try to focus on other things in life (work, relationships (both family and personal), and keep that mind occupied and focused
I have faith you will be fine

 

[neuronet]

Thanks for the updatesPatsBoy it's been great to see you posting here and in other threads too.

 

[supafly]

I'm doing the best to keep the demons at bay. I even told myself that 2016 would be the year I CHOOSE to forget the past and stop letting it impact my present and future. It's hard because some of the things haunting me remain ever present in my life, but it's still a fight that I'm facing with a renewed sense of self and urgency to fight. Being able to travel to NY to be with family during Christmas was also huge for me.

I hope for and look forward to the day that I can come on the board and proclaim to you all that I'm good. And I know that doesn't mean 100 percent, but it means that I have put most of the hurt behind for good. I'm not there yet, but I'm striving . . . working . . . fighting for it. There's really not much more I can do. Your words and prayers keep me inspired. They keep me alive (literally). Thank you.

PB12--some very simple advice, for whatever it may be worth to you: try and stay occupied and entertained, whether that's through work and/or something as simple as Netflix streaming or just keeping up on the latest TV, movies, and music. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I literally force myself to try and laugh every day, and for those that know me--I'm not one to smile or laugh as often as most others.

I've battled some fairly serious and nagging health issues over the past 12-13 months, so I have been watching some stand up comedy specials on YouTube, funny movies, and even weird stoner comedy like Trailer Park Boys, etc. Whatever it takes to try and smile and keep from being bummed out or anxious.

Getting through from one day to the next is the most important goal sometimes, even if we don't like to admit it. Finding ways to occupy your thoughts/anxiety at times of darkness is imperative, so that you're able to focus on something other than negative stuff that will bring you down. Sometimes it's just nice to get away from "reality," without going to the extremes that people find with poor decision making (substance abuse, reckless behavior, etc). Just keep pushing forward with the idea that whatever you're going through will eventually pass.

 

[xPatriot]

Keep grinding mate. Remember, its not the patriots way to give up but keep soldering on. Never count them up.

Thoughts & prayers from Melbourne Australia.

Jack aka xPatriot

 

[Nikolai]

PB12--some very simple advice, for whatever it may be worth to you: try and stay occupied and entertained, whether that's through work and/or something as simple as Netflix streaming or just keeping up on the latest TV, movies, and music. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I literally force myself to try and laugh every day, and for those that know me--I'm not one to smile or laugh as often as most others.

I've battled some fairly serious and nagging health issues over the past 12-13 months, so I have been watching some stand up comedy specials on YouTube, funny movies, and even weird stoner comedy like Trailer Park Boys, etc. Whatever it takes to try and smile and keep from being bummed out or anxious.

Getting through from one day to the next is the most important goal sometimes, even if we don't like to admit it. Finding ways to occupy your thoughts/anxiety at times of darkness is imperative, so that you're able to focus on something other than negative stuff that will bring you down. Sometimes it's just nice to get away from "reality," without going to the extremes that people find with poor decision making (substance abuse, reckless behavior, etc). Just keep pushing forward with the idea that whatever you're going through will eventually pass.

@PatsBoy12 , @Kenneth Sims and others.

If you're the creative type, I suggest writing as well. Hell, even if you don't think you are creative, you might find you like it. I started writing semi-seriously during some of the darker chapters of my life and it's turned into something pretty cool.

There's nothing like nurturing a set of characters and a world you've created. It's a great escape, and what's even cooler is that the more diverse set of emotions you've experienced, the better for writing.

You might also find you're going out and sampling new things in life just so you can experience it...and then write about it.

Maybe you won't write the next great American novel, but just having an outlet is great. And hell, you could fall in love with your characters/world and want to keep writing about them. And that's my other advice if you get into writing; write for yourself to make yourself happy.

 

[mosslost]

PB12--some very simple advice, for whatever it may be worth to you: try and stay occupied and entertained, whether that's through work and/or something as simple as Netflix streaming or just keeping up on the latest TV, movies, and music. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I literally force myself to try and laugh every day, and for those that know me--I'm not one to smile or laugh as often as most others.

I've battled some fairly serious and nagging health issues over the past 12-13 months, so I have been watching some stand up comedy specials on YouTube, funny movies, and even weird stoner comedy like Trailer Park Boys, etc. Whatever it takes to try and smile and keep from being bummed out or anxious.

Getting through from one day to the next is the most important goal sometimes, even if we don't like to admit it. Finding ways to occupy your thoughts/anxiety at times of darkness is imperative, so that you're able to focus on something other than negative stuff that will bring you down. Sometimes it's just nice to get away from "reality," without going to the extremes that people find with poor decision making (substance abuse, reckless behavior, etc). Just keep pushing forward with the idea that whatever you're going through will eventually pass.

I agree with the idea of being entertained and distracted as an interruption of the state of depression in any given moment. I don't struggle with depression but I have my moments of feeling very down usually from thinking about how much work I have to do or just stress from work and providing! I find when feel down that finding stuff on youtube that make me laugh is a wonder. Whatever your sense of humor is just look for stuff on Youtube. (I may seem like an idiot but I like things like Prank Call videos, Jerky Boys, and other ridiculous things on Youtube, they make me laugh and fit my limited attention span)

Just an idea because I read something interesting just the past year about this subject. When you are actively laughing because your brain finds something sincerely funny, the parts of your brain that are not firing during depression are set off. This basically makes it impossible to be "down" or to experience the depression (you still may have it medically, but experiencing it actively in the moment becomes impossible if you are sincerely laughing..... because the humor response triggers the very synapses that are NOT active during sadness in any form). So you can at least interrupt a period of depression with laughter if there are things that trigger laughter for you, like in my case looking at "blooper clips" or Bill Burr show or something. Sincerely I think it works. If I'm sad I just queue up a bunch of things that make me laugh. Makes sense scientifically too.

 

[SammyBlueCat]

Best wishes!

 

[farn]

If Darius Fleming has taught us anything this week, it's that as much as we love winning football, some things are more important.

Take care all, and have a good week.

 

[pepper03]

PatsBoy12 I have just started getting back into forums as I too know where you are and have been and I wanted to tel you that I hope you will be watching today's game and it brings you and all of us great joy!

Hang in there. You clearly have many people who care about you a great deal. I have found my hardest battle was the one I fought with me. It's brutal and hard and terrifying but depression can be lived with and it can get better. When you are in the midst of the blackness it seems hopeless and nothing anyone says or does seems to matter. I promise you only that if you are able to continue to reach out to people and to tell them what is going on you have already fought half the battle. Depression is an illness that tells us we are weak and worthless and ungrateful and once we finally succumb it pulls us under like a wave crashing to the shore and much as we try and get up another bigger one comes to take us down again right? It will not last but we have to hang on for dear life until we are strong enough to stand again. Try and find the positive people in life-especially those who understand depression. It is an illness and a powerful one. It is not laziness or a bad attitude or so forth. It is a deadly disease that I have learned to have a healthy fear of.

I will pray for you. I will also tell you that if you are still here months after posting that first heartbreaking post that you are far stronger than you know-and lots of people have your back.

 

[Brewskies]

PB12--some very simple advice, for whatever it may be worth to you: try and stay occupied and entertained, whether that's through work and/or something as simple as Netflix streaming or just keeping up on the latest TV, movies, and music. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I literally force myself to try and laugh every day, and for those that know me--I'm not one to smile or laugh as often as most others.

I've battled some fairly serious and nagging health issues over the past 12-13 months, so I have been watching some stand up comedy specials on YouTube, funny movies, and even weird stoner comedy like Trailer Park Boys, etc. Whatever it takes to try and smile and keep from being bummed out or anxious.

Getting through from one day to the next is the most important goal sometimes, even if we don't like to admit it. Finding ways to occupy your thoughts/anxiety at times of darkness is imperative, so that you're able to focus on something other than negative stuff that will bring you down. Sometimes it's just nice to get away from "reality," without going to the extremes that people find with poor decision making (substance abuse, reckless behavior, etc). Just keep pushing forward with the idea that whatever you're going through will eventually pass.

Sorry to hear about your health issues I sincerely hope things improve. Very good advice you have given. Stay strong.

 

[supafly]

Sorry to hear about your health issues I sincerely hope things improve. Very good advice you have given. Stay strong.

Yes, sir. Thank you very much for the kind words. I appreciate it very much.

 

[neuronet]

Keep chugging guys!

 

[ralmat55]

I am doing well. There are good days and some less than good days, but overall it's getting better.

Saw my first ever pro football game in person when I attended the Chiefs game. It was an absolute blast. One of my nephews and I actually planned to go to Denver for the AFCCG but the mid Atlantic blizzard took away all of our connecting flights, so we decided not to go. Good thing. That loss has been hard enough for me to take as it is.

I want to thank all my forum friends for all the encouragement, advice and concern you provided me in my moment of need. I am grateful. Thank you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[n1997y]

Hope you all are continuing to do well. Don't let SAD get you down, Spring is coming soon!

 

[SEA_Pat]

Hey Guys - just wanted to ramble a bit since I've had a lot to drink. Had a rough couple weeks, particularly since one of my best mates just received the Big C death sentence. So unfair, one of the best people you'd ever know. That's the way it works. Random. The good he's done eclipses pretty much everyone I have ever met, but pancreatic don't give a f... As I've noted, I'm an Atheist, and while one might think this is further proof, I disagree. It's just the roll of the dice.

I guess what I want to say in my current state of inebriation is that it's not what you've done, it's what you do. It's how you deal with it, it's how the people who know you are affected that demonstrates how you've impacted others. Everyone's completely gutted about my mate, but are rallying around him and letting him know how much he's meant to us all, how unfair it is (as if anything was ever fair), how we're there for him. And that's what it's about. Our experience is compartmentalized, and it's how we treat other people and are treated by them that's the measure of a man. You can see how y'all have been treated by people who don't even know you very well. I'm down, but I'll never be down like Ken and Patsboy12 have been. That you've fought through it is so admirable to me. I can't feel anything but sympathy for those who couldn't or admiration for those who have. Keep fighting boys.