I Could Use Your Thoughts and Prayers

[ralmat55]

You would think a day that started with a divorce hearing could only get better. You would be wrong.

I have this football field sized front lawn on which I was planning to build a 4 unit apartment complex. Well this afternoon I had a soil test done to see where I could put the septic system. The answer was nowhere. The land is simply too wet to put in the septic system I would need. Oh well, another plan shot to hell.

I still have a great family and group of friends. I still have my faith in God.

Tomorrow will be another day.


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[anditsgood]

Here at the courthouse waiting my turn. I have already told the ex off via email this morning, so the day is off to a good start. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.


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Good

Close that door, and dont let anger feelings turn to guilt

 

[Reckedtrek]

You would think a day that started with a divorce hearing could only get better. You would be wrong.

I have this football field sized front lawn on which I was planning to build a 4 unit apartment complex. Well this afternoon I had a soil test done to see where I could put the septic system. The answer was nowhere. The land is simply too wet to put in the septic system I would need. Oh well, another plan shot to hell.

I still have a great family and group of friends. I still have my faith in God.

Tomorrow will be another day.


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A football field sized front yard, you say? Do I smell the first annual Pats Fans cookout and football game coming soon? Nothing like having 10,000 close friends over for hamburgers, hot dogs, and beer!

In all seriousness, this day has been huge for you, and I honestly believe you will see it as a day of release and new beginnings, if you don't already. On to better days. See what tomorrow brings.

 

[neuronet]

Wow that sucks.....**** outta luck I guess.

[Edit: in case it wasn't clear--that was a joke about sewage systems....and not having anyplace to put one's ****....anyhoo....carry on...]

 

[PatsBoy12]

Hey family, I came here to post about me and I read where Kenneth is right now in his process. So, Kenneth, take courage. This is part of the process. It's going to hurt all over again, but you can't let yourself go back to that place all over again . . . the beauty is you can determine that. I really hope today finds you better than it found me. I'll post later. I hope you all have great days today.

 

[Reckedtrek]

Hey family, I came here to post about me and I read where Kenneth is right now in his process. So, Kenneth, take courage. This is part of the process. It's going to hurt all over again, but you can't let yourself go back to that place all over again . . . the beauty is you can determine that. I really hope today finds you better than it found me. I'll post later. I hope you all have great days today.

@PatsBoy12, we're here for you, buddy. This site is open 24/7!

 

[ralmat55]

Doing good tonight. I have been messaging with Ian who has been driving home the point that I need to stop all contact with the ex.

Ian knows the full extent of her mental condition and why it has been so hard for me to do so. But, the time has come for me move on leaving her in God's care.

So I am. She is my past. I pray to God I see her in heaven but the rest of this life is mine.

I have dreams to chase and catch. As for yesterday's real estate bad news, it was pointed out to me by a friend that, in my market, buying real estate is cheaper than building it. So, I'm going to look for a good deal or two and buy rather than build. It will serve the same purpose plus my tenants will not be living on my front lawn.

Btw, I like Reckedtrek's cookout and football on the lawn idea.

Goodnight my friends


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[n1997y]

Hey family, I came here to post about me and I read where Kenneth is right now in his process. So, Kenneth, take courage. This is part of the process. It's going to hurt all over again, but you can't let yourself go back to that place all over again . . . the beauty is you can determine that. I really hope today finds you better than it found me. I'll post later. I hope you all have great days today.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Came here specifically to post something for you. Hope you are doing better, don't know the details so wouldn't presume to prescribe but thought this article I ran across (and some of the comments) show that there might be treatment alternatives to be explored. If you don't have a doctor who is interested in helping with that and you feel it's needed there's no harm in shopping for a specialist to get the best medical treatment you deserve!

Is Ketamine the Next Big Depression Drug?

 

[supafly]

Doing good tonight. I have been messaging with Ian who has been driving home the point that I need to stop all contact with the ex.

Ian knows the full extent of her mental condition and why it has been so hard for me to do so.

Glad to hear that it was a good day and that some of your issues are starting to resolve themselves. Certainly hope that continues.

On another note, the quoted part of your message really got me to thinking how involved Ian is in not only the site itself, but also the people that belong to it. He has dedicated his time, effort, and financial resources to making patsfans.com a great place. Your situation is a prime example of that, and the "in memoriam" sub-forum has helped an awful lot of us who have lost loved ones as well. It all begins with football here, but it goes much deeper than that, and for that we are all grateful.

 

[PatsBoy12]

Glad to hear that it was a good day and that some of your issues are starting to resolve themselves. Certainly hope that continues.

On another note, the quoted part of your message really got me to thinking how involved Ian is in not only the site itself, but also the people that belong to it. He has dedicated his time, effort, and financial resources to making patsfans.com a great place. Your situation is a prime example of that, and the "in memoriam" sub-forum has helped an awful lot of us who have lost loved ones as well. It all begins with football here, but it goes much deeper than that, and for that we are all grateful.

I have expressed the same sentiments to him personally. I don't know what made me come here the day I originally posted this thread, but the response still amazes me down to the second I'm typing this. Ian has been a big part of my process behind the scenes. There have been days that I was not feeling up to posting on the board or in this thread, but I called him. I don't want to say too much more because I don't know how he feels about me putting too much out there, but just know that you are spot on and that I have echoed these things to him on many occasions. He seems like me in the sense that we both deflect somewhat when we get too much praise, but he deserves it. And to all of you all who have continued to PM and text or simply just come to this thread, you all deserve so much more than I can give. You don't know how much you all kept me going and continue to be a refuge for me. I'm here in large part because of this incredible board and the people who make it a home. Thank you all.

 

[ralmat55]

I can't express enough how great Ian has been to me. Allowing me to turn this thread into my pity party and emailing or messaging me daily. He is a great guy. I am sure many of you knew this already.


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[mdawg]

I can't express enough how great Ian has been to me. Allowing me to turn this thread into my pity party and emailing or messaging me daily. He is a great guy. I am sure many of you knew this already.


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[mdawg]

I have been lurking on this board for years with very few posts. This thread prompted me to write:

Since I was 20yrs old I was married to the love of my life. After 22 yrs she left me for another man. I had to to confront her with this and deal with everything that came with it. It was not easy but all I could hear was my dad telling me to work my tail off to the end and when the end came I would know it.

After a marriage counseling session that basically told both of us that they worried about our mental health and asked that we seek individual counseling before continuing, she filed for divorce. (I knew it)

I continued with counseling and when I went to my session my counselor asked me what I was going to do about it. I replied that I was going to move on, however it wasn't that easy.

While going through what many of you have gone through I had a friend tell me that I had an opportunity to learn to be my own best friend. I thought him crazy and moved on with my life as best I could. I bought a house near a lake in Texas and gutted and rebuilt it. It took me three year but late in the second year a met a very special lady. I took everything I learned from my first marriage and we both laid down the ground rules of what a further relationship would mean. Little did I know that those three years not only rebuilt a house but also rebuilt me. (what a metaphor right). I had learned in some small way to be my own best friend.

I guess what I want you to know is that you are responsible for your happiness. (Let me repeat that for emphasis) YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. People in your life my add to it or subtract from it but it is on you.

For me, for a long time, my happiness came from making someone else happy. Now I know better and when you know better, you do better. Take the reins, own you life and know that is not about you or anything you ever did. You cannot be other people, you can only be you. Own your happiness and work to improve it all the time. Even if it is small ways

I read what you are doing with family and I think that is great. Surround yourself with people that will give you love. Crawl, walk, run. That is how my recovery went. You can do it. You are special and you own your happiness.

 

[ralmat55]

I have been lurking on this board for years with very few posts. This thread prompted me to write:

Since I was 20yrs old I was married to the love of my life. After 22 yrs she left me for another man. I had to to confront her with this and deal with everything that came with it. It was not easy but all I could hear was my dad telling me to work my tail off to the end and when the end came I would know it.

After a marriage counseling session that basically told both of us that they worried about our mental health and asked that we seek individual counseling before continuing, she filed for divorce. (I knew it)

I continued with counseling and when I went to my session my counselor asked me what I was going to do about it. I replied that I was going to move on, however it wasn't that easy.

While going through what many of you have gone through I had a friend tell me that I had an opportunity to learn to be my own best friend. I thought him crazy and moved on with my life as best I could. I bought a house near a lake in Texas and gutted and rebuilt it. It took me three year but late in the second year a met a very special lady. I took everything I learned from my first marriage and we both laid down the ground rules of what a further relationship would mean. Little did I know that those three years not only rebuilt a house but also rebuilt me. (what a metaphor right). I had learned in some small way to be my own best friend.

I guess what I want you to know is that you are responsible for your happiness. (Let me repeat that for emphasis) YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. People in your life my add to it or subtract from it but it is on you.

For me, for a long time, my happiness came from making someone else happy. Now I know better and when you know better, you do better. Take the reins, own you life and know that is not about you or anything you ever did. You cannot be other people, you can only be you. Own your happiness and work to improve it all the time. Even if it is small ways

I read what you are doing with family and I think that is great. Surround yourself with people that will give you love. Crawl, walk, run. That is how my recovery went. You can do it. You are special and you own your happiness.

Thank you for sharing your story. So many people have shared with me their story of how they have overcome a similar loss. The common theme is that time heals and the need to assert control of my own life.

I would not have made it through this alive if it was not for all of you. Thank you.


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[Tony2046]

Thank you to @PatsBoy12 for creating this thread . It has been truly inspirational.

 

[ralmat55]

Having some residual guilt for what I said to my ex on Tuesday. She has never responded, but that's okay. I said what I had to say and what she needed to hear. It might actually give me the closure I needed to continue healing.

Hope everyone has a great day.


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[anditsgood]

Having some residual guilt for what I said to my ex on Tuesday. She has never responded, but that's okay. I said what I had to say and what she needed to hear. It might actually give me the closure I needed to continue healing.

Hope everyone has a great day.


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See Response #622

You will be fine

God bless

 

[neuronet]

Having some residual guilt for what I said to my ex on Tuesday. She has never responded, but that's okay. I said what I had to say and what she needed to hear. It might actually give me the closure I needed to continue healing.

Sounds like Tuesday was a cauterizing day: you did a lot of stuff to cauterize the wound and really accelerate the healing process. Her talking to you/responding isn't necessary for that, that's for sure. That's just opening up scabs.

Congrats, you are on your way! It's a long journey eh?

Guilt is not surprising at all, esp if you have been depressed about it, guilt is just another way to blame yourself for doing something wrong. But you didn't.

Enjoy the Redskins game!

 

[farn]

Many posters have had a tough go, at times. I continue to check here because you are good people. Ken, stay strong. Only time will help - you need to focus on the better times ahead. These posters did and they found the happy times you seek. Patsboy - this thread was a desperate act that turned into an inspirational one. Kudos and good thoughts to you. Ian - you are good. People like you are the reason to keep going.

 

[Brewskies]

Glad to hear that it was a good day and that some of your issues are starting to resolve themselves. Certainly hope that continues.

On another note, the quoted part of your message really got me to thinking how involved Ian is in not only the site itself, but also the people that belong to it. He has dedicated his time, effort, and financial resources to making patsfans.com a great place. Your situation is a prime example of that, and the "in memoriam" sub-forum has helped an awful lot of us who have lost loved ones as well. It all begins with football here, but it goes much deeper than that, and for that we are all grateful.

I had to re post your thoughts about Ian your thoughts are a winner as is he.