OT: Date for T-shirtDynasty's parole hearing?

[marty]

This would make a striking avatar for you.

I don't know Nut, too much hair. Looks like a scary mix of Kipper/Borges

 

[gomezcat]

I think a haiku would be appropriate:


T shirt dynasty
wherefore are thou o great one?
Are we abandoned?

 

[gomezcat]

BRITISH NEGOTIATOR EN-ROUTE AROOSTOOK THROUGH DENMARK

by B. O'Rocks

AROOSTOOK - Day four of the Black Fly Bunker Crisis saw little change, the most significant being an urgent telex to the Pacific Northwest for Black Butte Porter to deal with some form of aerodynamic fungus drifting in from the southwest. Experts report the fungus has an affinity for Black Butte Porter and can be dealt with safely once it's fully saturated.

Outside the cordoned off region, a shrine to the Prophet Ian Logue has been established by unwashed and aromatic followers of the Guru T-shirtdynasty. Tiny emblems and notes with mystical numbers used in the cult's prayers have been hung from the shrine which resembles the letters "BB." Most prevalent is the number 6, but 12 , 93, and 54 have strong followings, with one lone 8 hanging from a yarmulke-like offering with Chinese characters around the edge. A small tag along the inside rim read "Made In Hong Kong" in English. The Chinese translator with the Peacekeepers reported the writing appeared to be in some "mystic code" when read normally, but when read right to left spelled out "coffin corner" and "hangtime." "Probably a Chinese joke on one of the Guru's followers," he surmised, "those Chinese are great ones for practical jokes."

News from the hostage negotiators themselves was limited. The U.S. Chief Negotiator, code named "shmessy" by the State Department, held his or her scheduled telephone-conference with the press last night. But the security restrictions involving the loud crunching of garlic flavored pita chips limited the envoy's responses to inarticulate mumbles. In Nova Scotia, the Canadian Chief Negotiator disappeared shortly after receiving instructions from his government and was reported to be secreted with his staff in a public facility somewhere near the waterfront awaiting transportation to Jamaica. Authorities declined to comment on the envoy's travel itinerary, and reporters were not allowed to pass police barricades enclosing the area. Additional police could be seen patrolling heavily and conducting security sweeps building by building.

Overseas, Her Majesty's Government announced they were sending Special Envoy Madame Gzheegato to "assist our Canadian counterparts vigorous efforts to prevent the return of this region to the Crown." A Foreign Service Officer who spoke on condition of anonymity stated "Her Majesty is very concerned that young George may use this crisis to slip something by us, next the blighter will probably claim Detroit and Buffalo are part of Ontario."

The British envoy will travel first to Denmark for a briefing on local conditions and native culture from noted Brown University scholar F.B. Nutt. She will then set sail in a longboat for Newfoundland, before following the coastline around to Bar Harbor, ME. "The odd travel arrangements are to acclimate her to the harsh conditions prevalent in the region," explained the Foreign Office Spokeswoman, "while Madame is experienced with harsh living conditions and rough companions from her days with the SAS in Birmingham, she hasn't been 'downeast' as it were."

© PATSNUTMe 23 Hour Driving Range and News Bureau

This is truly brilliant reportage and the reason why I have given the thread five stars.

As for being in harsh living conditions, poor Miss Cat has had to suffer the results of my drinking real ale all last night. Nothing that the SAS did on the training course could prepare her for my chemical warfare.

 

[Mike the Brit]

The Search for T-Shirt -- More News?

The search for the missing T-Shirt (or possibly, as some reports have it, the missing T-shirt’s missing T-shirt) took on an international dimension as rumours began to circulate that representatives of the secretive Foxborough International Committee To Invent Obscure Nomenclature (F.I.C.T.I.O.N.) were applying their collective intelligence to the problem. Interviewed in a bar in Berlin, an agent who refused to remain anonymous shared his thoughts with this reporter during a long and increasingly bizarre evening.

Claiming that he had it on “good authority” that a person wearing a Tedy Bruschi jersey had been seen soliciting herbal muscle relaxant at a recent Berlin Thunder game, the agent established what he described as “First and Goal” in The Bird, a small, dark hostelry offering large steaks and two-for-one shots of bourbon every Wednesday. When asked whether it was likely that the missing T-Shirt would make his (or possibly its) way there, the agent replied “if he has any sense, he will”.

After several hours of intense discussion of the relative merits of Kuala Lumpur, Glasgow and Manila as possible venues for Superbowl LXVI and the use of the zone blitz a part of the 3-4 defense, the agent declared that he was "forced to punt". He thereupon disappeared unsteadily into the night, leaving behind him a slip of paper on which was written the address of a sports bar in Friedrichshain where, so he claimed, free drinks were available to anyone in a New England Patriots jersey prepared to sit through a replay of the 2006 AFC Championship Game, a faint smell reminiscent of recently forked manure, and a large unpaid bill.

 

[Kevin The Pat]

DAY THREE OF THE CRISIS IN AROOSTOOK

by B. O'Rocks

AROOSTOOK - While geopolitical experts differ on whether the region is Northern Maine, Western New Brunswick, or Southern Quebec, the reality of a dramatic and tense hostage crisis weighs heavily on the minds of Patriots' fans starved for quality off-season entertainment.
Dubbed the "Black Fly Bunker" crisis by wags huddled with frosty Samuel Adam's products, the situation reminds this reporter of the stem-winding pressure of a curling championship in Regina or Duluth. No greater human drama, short of a White House cigar story, could compete for the national attention.
With no end in sight, micro-breweries, pizza delivery companies, and all night donut shops are doing a brisk business as the public waits to learn the fate of the saintly, if syphilitic, T-shirtdynasty. A personal guru to a small, unwashed, yet verbally abusive contingent of followers of the prophet Ian Logue. Negotiators claim he remains imprisoned behind stacks of paper airplanes and an ancient personal computer running Microsuck DOS, while hordes of growers from the Hempville Glaucoma Medical Garden seek frantically for a resolution to this national nightmare.
President Bush and Canadian Prime Minister Harper remain in constant contact through a dedicated cold line, receiving irregular updates from the Greenland Militia peacekeepers called in to quell the unrest in the region. A telephone-conference with the USA's Senior Hostage Negotiator is expected later tonight.
Due to security reasons, the negotiator's identity is protected. He or she will wear an ostrich feather mask and voluminious saffron yellow cloak, while loudly eating garlic flavored pita chips to further conceal his or her appearance and voice during the telephone-conference. The Senior Negotiator answers only to the State Department supplied code name of "shmessy" during these discussions with the media and fast food takeout employees. The Canadian Senior Hostage Negotiator will speak tomorrow afternoon from Novia Scotia once he sobers up and learns he lost the drinking contest.
Updates will follow as the situation changes or the liquor improves.

© PATSNUTMe 23 Hour Driving Range and News Bureau

This just made my day so much better.

 

[Box_O_Rocks]

(Nutters) The Flies 2 Potatoes Psycho People of Aroostoock
Terrorists released this photograph of hostage T-shirtdynasty
with their latest demand for independence from Canada.

 

[PATSNUTme]

(Nutters) The Flies 2 Potatoes Psycho People of Aroostoock
Terrorists released this photograph of hostage T-shirtdynasty
with their latest demand for independence from Canada.

You mean they want independence to join Canada. I'm all for that. They can take Washington county with them as a bonus.:rocker:

 

[Fogbuster]

FBN had that sex change operation that kept him off the boards for awhile. I'm wondering if he's back in Denmark getting the upgrade?

What, he became a "Jests" fan!!!




//

 

[marty]

Ok, this poster is officially worried now! With all this prodding and still no response from the T? When do we send Nut up there to start shaking the trees??????

 

[PATSNUTme]

Ok, this poster is officially worried now! With all this prodding and still no response from the T? When do we send Nut up there to start shaking the trees??????

I was shaking the trees yesterday on the Homerville golf coarse. Worst 18 holes I have played in a long time. Spent much time in the woods looking for balls and didn't even find a Patriots logo ball.

 

[Box_O_Rocks]

You mean they want independence to join Canada. I'm all for that. They can take Washington county with them as a bonus.:rocker:

You Publishers are all alike, off playing golf and peeing in the rough all day, then going off half-crocked without reading the whole story. The F2PPsychopats wanted independence from Canada. So, no, your dreams of an Aroostook free Maine won't happen anytime soon unless you can get them to join with the tax revolt community in Vermont that wanted to secede and join New Hampshire.

p.s. I hope you were playing with someone else's balls again today. As much as I dislike investigating people so you can blackmail them into dropping the sexual harassment charges, getting off this assignment would be heaven after sleeping downwind from a pulp mill and bathing in black fly flavored deet. I've been saving this photograph from that golfing vacation outing you took to Provincetown (not that there's anything wrong with that) for my pay raise request, instead I think it's time I was sent to Denmark to interview the British Special Envoy before she gets lost at sea. Don't you?

 

[Pats Fanatic]

Ok, this poster is officially worried now! With all this prodding and still no response from the T? When do we send Nut up there to start shaking the trees??????

Oh please don't have anyone do that, though imagine the cross breading.

 

[Box_O_Rocks]

Oh please don't have anyone do that, though imagine the cross breading.

Cross-pollination, not cross-breeding, though you've got the concept right, those Nut trees will pollinate with anything.

 

[PATSNUTme]

You Publishers are all alike, off playing golf and peeing in the rough all day, then going off half-crocked without reading the whole story. The F2PPsychopats wanted independence from Canada. So, no, your dreams of an Aroostook free Maine won't happen anytime soon unless you can get them to join with the tax revolt community in Vermont that wanted to secede and join New Hampshire.

p.s. I hope you were playing with someone else's balls again today. As much as I dislike investigating people so you can blackmail them into dropping the sexual harassment charges, getting off this assignment would be heaven after sleeping downwind from a pulp mill and bathing in black fly flavored deet. I've been saving this photograph from that golfing vacation outing you took to Provincetown (not that there's anything wrong with that) for my pay raise request, instead I think it's time I was sent to Denmark to interview the British Special Envoy before she gets lost at sea. Don't you?

I could never wear those boots on the golf coarse but the rest of the outfit rocks!

Here is the catch of the day reportedly caught in the outer reaches of "The County" :

It was reportedly caught with this lure:

Could this be our missing one?

 

[Pats Fanatic]

Cross-pollination, not cross-breeding, though you've got the concept right, those Nut trees will pollinate with anything.

Too late looks like there is proof of the pollination.

 

[marty]

Too late looks like there is proof of the pollination.

Looks like he's been goosed too!!!!

 

[gomezcat]

You Publishers are all alike, off playing golf and peeing in the rough all day, then going off half-crocked without reading the whole story. The F2PPsychopats wanted independence from Canada. So, no, your dreams of an Aroostook free Maine won't happen anytime soon unless you can get them to join with the tax revolt community in Vermont that wanted to secede and join New Hampshire.

p.s. I hope you were playing with someone else's balls again today. As much as I dislike investigating people so you can blackmail them into dropping the sexual harassment charges, getting off this assignment would be heaven after sleeping downwind from a pulp mill and bathing in black fly flavored deet. I've been saving this photograph from that golfing vacation outing you took to Provincetown (not that there's anything wrong with that) for my pay raise request, instead I think it's time I was sent to Denmark to interview the British Special Envoy before she gets lost at sea. Don't you?

Erm, who exactly are you claiming is the gentleman in the pic? He is "the only gay in the village" from Little Britain, for those who are unaware. Are you suicidal enough to claim it is Miss Gcat? Note that she is dangerous in her own right: in another life she would have been an amalgamation of **** Butkus and Ronnie Lott, seconds after you had REALLY insulted their mothers. As for interviewing her, what form would this take? I know where you live; America, in our scale Atlas, is only 6 inches or so by another 6. I can find you in 36 square inches of space.

 

[Box_O_Rocks]

Erm, who exactly are you claiming is the gentleman in the pic? He is "the only gay in the village" from Little Britain, for those who are unaware. Are you suicidal enough to claim it is Miss Gcat? Note that she is dangerous in her own right: in another life she would have been an amalgamation of **** Butkus and Ronnie Lott, seconds after you had REALLY insulted their mothers. As for interviewing her, what form would this take? I know where you live; America, in our scale Atlas, is only 6 inches or so by another 6. I can find you in 36 square inches of space.

If you are going to read the private extortion notes between myself and my publisher, at least do so after the ale fumes have cleared and your grasp of the Yank's English isn't being affected by mind distorting eruptions. Not only did you confuse the intended recipient of the note, but you confused the Publisher of the PATSNUTMe 23 Hour Driving Range and News Bureau with some eccentric British TV personality (and even if there is a resemblance, I've got money on where the writers for this TV program found the character idea...). Poor Ms. Gcat, not only is her boyfriend a hazardous material generator, but he's also as paranoid as an eccentric downeast icon for moral depravity.

 

[marty]

Come on T, time to come outa the woods and play with the rest of us during this lull in our season. I just read a thread that was almost totally between a Phin fan and a Jest fan, sigh, when are they going to go home??????

Come on T, time to raise the level of our discourse!!!

 

[gomezcat]

If you are going to read the private extortion notes between myself and my publisher, at least do so after the ale fumes have cleared and your grasp of the Yank's English isn't being affected by mind distorting eruptions. Not only did you confuse the intended recipient of the note, but you confused the Publisher of the PATSNUTMe 23 Hour Driving Range and News Bureau with some eccentric British TV personality (and even if there is a resemblance, I've got money on where the writers for this TV program found the character idea...). Poor Ms. Gcat, not only is her boyfriend a hazardous material generator, but he's also as paranoid as an eccentric downeast icon for moral depravity.

The worst part is that I was completely sober when I read it the first time. That's the danger of logging on whilst watching the breakfast news before work, as I am doing now. Who told you I was paranoid? Have they been talking about me again?


More on topic: Where IS t-shirt?