Hi, my name is DeathByJets and I’m a loserholic.
It has been 24 hours since I last drank the Kool-aid. I have been backing losers since I was 8 years old.
I am a fan of the Jets, Mets, and Knicks. I have not backed a winning candidate for President since I have been eligible to vote (5 elections and counting). And my all-time favorite rock band (Rush) will never be elected to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. If not for Bill Buckner, I would be 0-for-life.
The problem isn’t so much that I back losers, it’s that I convince myself that this time it will be different. Oh, how many times did I say Ewing and the Knicks will beat Jordan and the Bulls. No brainer…Al Gore just has to beat Bush. And this time we will beat the Belichick and the Pats.
To the loserholic, you always think you’ve hit rock bottom and things have to improve…and then something like yesterday happens. Brady is out, this is our chance. We are going to make those third down stops. Farve will be able to move the team better than Pennington. With our improved O-Line punching it in from the 1 should be no problem.
And then depression sets in. The Sunday night fog after a loss, followed by a Monday of ridicule in the office and reading the NY paper diatribes online. Ugh.
By Thursday I’ll be pulling myself out of my loserholic funk, and start to convince myself the Jets can beat the Chargers. And if this season doesn’t turn out as expected, at least I can bask in the certain victory to come from Barack Obama.
So, clearly you can see I need help. I’ve decided to enroll in a 12-Step Program:
1. We admit we were powerless over the Same Ole Jets—that our Sundays have become unmanageable.
2. Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves (I assume this is Brett Favre) could restore us to sanity.
3. Make a decision to turn our remote controls and Sunday Ticket Subscription over to the care of our children…hoping they will pick a better favorite team.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our Jets memorabilia.
5. Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of Herman Edwards' wrongs.
6. Are entirely ready to have Eric Mangini remove all these defects of playcalling.
7. Humbly asked Him (Mangini) to remove our short yardage run plays.
8. Make a list of all players/coaches we have verbally harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.
9. Make direct amends to such players/coaches wherever possible (I’ve mailed bundt cakes to Doug Brien, Leon Johnson, and Rich Kotite), except when to do so would injure them or others (Herm is still causing damage to those poor flustrated bastards in KC).
10. Continue to take personal inventory of pre-season predictions and when we are wrong promptly post it.
11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve our pass rush and run stopping, praying only for knowledge of Belicheck’s demise and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to loserholics, and to practice these principles in all our rooting interests.
Joe Willie grant us the serenity to accept the games we cannot win,
courage to root for the games we can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
DbJ
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Long suffering Jet Fan....is there any other kind?
