Roger Goodell's Suspension Formula

[slam]

I have a sneak preview of the new disciplinary policy to be unveiled at the 3pm press conference today.

Someone has done something wrong in the NFL!

Is it bad? Yes +4 games suspension / No +2
Who got hurt? A woman +1 / A child +1 / recreational drug laws +2 / Your Feelings +3 / "The Shield" +4

Is the wrongdoer a very good player? Yes -1 / No +2
Does TMZ have it on tape? Yes x2 / No ÷2

Did he say he's very, very sorry to you personally? Yes ÷3 / No x3
Have you consulted anyone about this? Yes.
I mean, have you consulted someone outside of the media? Of course not.
Does the media think it's too little? +1 (Repeat as necessary)
Does the media think it's too much? -1 (Repeat as necessary)
Does the media think it's just right? Alright! Drink a celebratory fruity beer with Peter King!​

 

[Kontradiction]

This is creative but it would be much better as a flow chart. Unfortunately, I lost my old touch in Photoshop (I did my own pre-edited sig when it was Welker, for example), so is anyone else still skilled enough in it to create one?

 

[SB39]

The players association has been awfully quiet over the past few weeks and, IMHO, unwisely so. All of Goodell's troubles boils down to the fact that he was too lenient on Ray Rice (and the league is also being too lenient on Hardy, McDonald and Peterson.)

Your formula above may not be all that far from the truth. It's about to be hunting season on domestic abusers. Gone are the days where a 1 game suspension for domestic violence doesn't even make the news.

 

[Sicilian]

Your chart is probably pretty accurate, though I always assumed it was more like this:

 

[bresna]

You forgot:
Does the wrongdoer work for the New England Patriots? Yes x2 / No -4

 

[woolster22]

Reporter throws quote of ignorance is no excuse regarding Payton getting a one year suspension, follows with question on why Goofdell should not step down.

Answer? We are bringing in experts to tell me how I should do my 44 million dollar a year job. We will get this right.

#firegoodell

 

[slam]

This is creative but it would be much better as a flow chart. Unfortunately, I lost my old touch in Photoshop (I did my own pre-edited sig when it was Welker, for example), so is anyone else still skilled enough in it to create one?

I thought of this but Goodell's decisionmaking process is too convoluted to be adequately captured by graphic design.