The Roger Goodell Jokes Thread

[OhExaulted1]

Q: What's the difference between Roger Goodell and a bucket of ****?

A: The Bucket

 

[The Gr8est]

Q: What's the difference between Roger Goodell and a bucket of ****?

A: The Bucket

So the Omissioner and Mort, separated at birth?

 

[RecoveringCowboy]

If Ben & Jerry's made soda what flavor would they name for Roger?

Ginger Fail

Jason Garrett privately is very happy for Roger Goodell for being the current ginger whipping boy.

 

[Tunescribe]

 

[ThatllMoveTheChains!!!]

Goodell was asked about inconsistencies in discipline: "We need to change our policies and our procedures and we need to get help in order to identify how to do that." He cited state laws and procedures as factors the league could use to change policy.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sport...-roger-goodell-on-domestic-violence/15896107/

That was a year ago.

 

[Mack Herron]

 

[borg]

Barstool with a laugh-out-loud 8 minute recap (2nd video down)
http://www.barstoolsports.com/boston/the-final-word-regarding-deflategate/

 

[Bruins29]

I got a joke for Rog

 

[buile]

Wells and Pash are sitting in a bar, and in walks Mort. "4 weeks!" "yeah!! Take that, suckers!" shaking hands, patting each other on the back, ordering drinks. A few minutes later, in comes Goodell. "4 weeks, baby!!" "yeah! We showed them! 4 weeks! 4 weeks! 4 weeks!!" high fives all around...

The bartender brings over the round of beer and asks, "4 weeks? You guys celebrating Brady's suspension?"

"No, " says Goodell. "We finished this jigsaw puzzle in 4 weeks, but the box says 6 to 8 years!!"

 

[Zuma]

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a Goodell. The assistant takes the man to the Goodell section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the blue one?'' The assistant says, '' 2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This Goodell is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.'' ''What about the green one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''He costs 5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.'' ''What about the yellow bellied one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''That one's 10,000.'' The man says, ''What does HE do?'' The assistant says, ''I don't know, but Pash and Nash call him boss.''

 

[captain stone]

Replace "Belgians" with "Goodell"

 

[Tony2046]

Wells, Pash and Roger were working on a report in an office on the 46th floor of the NFL HQ Building. They worked on the report day after day, week after week, month after month.

Pash says at lunch time " Man, If my wife makes me one more tuna fish sandwich for lunch again, I'm jumping out that window"

Wells says " Yeah me too, if my wife makes me another roast beef sandwich, I'm jumping out that window"

Roger says " Yeah if I eat another Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich, I'm jumping out that window"


The next day during lunch Pash opened up his lunch box and saw the tuna sandwich......."Bye guys.....ahhhhhhh." He jumped.

Wells opened up his lunch box and saw the roast beef sandwich....."bye Roger........aahhhhhh"....he jumped.

Roger opened his and saw the PB&J sandwich.......ahhhhhhh....he jumped.


At the funeral the three wives were sobbing and chatting with each other....

Pash's wife, "I don't understand it ......he loved tuna fish...sob...."

Well's wife, " I don't understand it either...he loved roast beef.....sob"

Rogers wife, " I don't understand it at all........He made his own lunch...."

 

[1960Pats]

A man goes up to St Peter looking to gain entrance into heaven. While standing there he sees a wall full of clocks with people's names on them and asks St Peter what those are all about. St Peter replies that each clock represents a person on earth and each time that person masturbates, his clock moves up one hour.

The man then asks St Peter why he doesn't see Roger Goodell's clock. Oh says St Peter, his clock is in the kitchen. We use it as a fan.

 

[1960Pats]

Great idea for a thread btw.

 

[OhExaulted1]

If Roger Goodell was on fire I'd light my cigarette of his screaming, flailing body.

Not really a joke. I'd actually do that.

 

[Tony2046]

If Roger Goodell was on fire I'd light my cigarette of his screaming, flailing body.

Not really a joke. I'd actually do that.

I'd start smoking again just to do that.

 

[RecoveringCowboy]

On behalf of our Cajun friends, I'm posting this for them.

 

[goheels22002]

 

[scout]

Read these tweets this morning and thought it would be ok to post here.
Ken Tremendous

? @KenTremendous

The best analogy for Goodell/Brady is from"Gladiator," when Joaquin Phoenix stabs a tied-up Russell Crowe before the fight, and still loses.

? @ColinCowherd

Movie star looks, another SB ring, Supermodel wife, & gives finger to NFL. Good run.

 

[Bella*chick]

If Roger Goodell was on fire I'd light my cigarette of his screaming, flailing body.

Not really a joke. I'd actually do that.

I spent last night pondering. If Roger Goodell and Mike Kensil were both tied to railroad tracks with a train screaming towards each one, which one do I ignore first?

Decisions.