Very Amusing Interview w/ Marcellus and Michael Bennett

[SlowGettingUp]

It is on es*n unfortunately, but if you ration yourself to a click every few weeks, this one is worth it:

Sample:

When I ask the brothers what they would collect if they were as wealthy as the Cowboys' owner, they respond at the same time and without skipping a beat: "People."

"I would have somebody who has my blood type and my kidneys -- stuff like that," Michael says. "They would just be on deck. I'd be like, 'My kidney's failing -- it's time!'"​

The Bennett brothers unfiltered: on Goodell, Cutler and the entire NFL

 

[bbobbo]

great article. similar to gronk in terms of how close he is to his brother.

this part was awesome:

ONE NIGHT, WHILE we're eating dinner at a fancy hot dog place (if you're wondering whether the Bennetts made lewd jokes about the sausages -- what do you think?), I ask Michael, who's famously critical of the league's overpaid passers, what he thinks of Jay Cutler.

"Worst quarterback in the NFL," he says.

"I'd be open and he'd throw into double coverage," says Martellus, who spent the past three seasons as Cutler's teammate in Chicago.

If there's an unspoken rule in the NFL against roasting other players, the Bennetts break it every day. What follows is a non-comprehensive list of their takes on various figures in football:

ELI MANNING

Martellus: "Eli? He's cool. He's like a normal white guy you see at the park trying to teach his kids how to play soccer and you know he can't really play soccer himself."

JEFF FISHER

Martellus: "If a QB went 7 -- 9, he'd never be able to find a job."

Michael: "Make sure he's in the NFC West."

BROCK OSWEILER

Michael: "I've got more sacks than he's got touchdowns." (This is accurate.)

Martellus: "I've caught more balls than he's completed." (Also accurate.)

PETE CARROLL

Martellus: "Joel Osteen."

Michael: "Tom Cruise. I feel like Pete Carroll is like Benjamin Button. He doesn't want to get old. He's getting younger every year. What is going on?"

Martellus: "That's what money does."

ROGER GOODELL

Michael: "A--hole. Nah, I'm just joking -- you can't say that. Overpaid."

J.J. WATT

Michael: "Dominant player."

Martellus: "Corny. Half of the NFL is corny, though."

Michael: "People love J.J. Watt, but they don't really like J.J. Watt, know what I'm saying?"

SAM BRADFORD

(Both smirk.)

Michael: "The greatest quarterback in the NFL."

Martellus: "Vicious. Competitive."

Michael: "A real Joe Montana."

TOM BRADY

Martellus: "The silver fox you never get to see but you hear about. You only get to take one photo, and you have to stay outside for a year just to get it."

JASON WITTEN

Martellus: "I hated Jason Witten. I appreciated his game, but I always hated him."

CAM NEWTON

Michael: "Probably the quarterback I like to hit the most."

 

[WaterfallJumper]

This may be the best description of Tom Brady I've heard. Hysterical.

 

[TBR]

Michael, who is stouter, says his facial hair is supposed to be disorienting. "I always wanted to look like: 'Is he homeless or is he rich?'" he says. "That's my No. 1 goal."

Martellus dips a spoon into the bowl she has placed in front of him. "This is a heavy-ass soup," he says.

On ROGER GOODELL

Michael: "A--hole. Nah, I'm just joking -- you can't say that. Overpaid."

 

[jah]

Love these guys. Especially all that shade they threw on other QBs and coaches.

 

[PatsBoy12]

Wait, were the things under Bradford's name supposed to be under our guy's name? Notice I conspicuously refused to put Brady's name in the same sentence as the other guy. That's not a mistake. I refuse.

 

[VrabelJr]

Michael kinda gives Martellus a "What? You in love with Brady now?" look after Martellus' comment about Brady.

 

[signbabybrady]

On ROGER GOODELL

Michael: "A--hole. Nah, I'm just joking -- you can't say that. Overpaid."

Love it. awesome! Not like I wouldn't already want him on this team now I really do.

 

[long distance]

this guy is an artist - always a great read

Martellus, who has a daughter, says football is easy compared with fatherhood. "The game on Sunday is just like the week before," he says. "But I might go home and my daughter don't like purple no more -- she likesblue."