(Satire) SSNN confirms imminent trade between Pats-Bengals

[Lloyd_Christmas]

This could be big! I've never even seen a trade quite like this in all my years of being a football fan....



Johnson surprised to learn cheerleader he proposed to leaving Bengals

CINCINNATI, OH — After being blindsided last week by the news that fellow Bengal receiver Chris Henry had been released by the team following the latest in his long string of arrests, Chad Johnson was similarly surprised to learn of another Bengal’s imminent departure.

Daphne Williams, the cheerleader made famous by Johnson’s touchdown celebration, has requested a trade to the New England Patriots. Johnson proposed to Williams after catching a touchdown pass against the Colts in 2005.

http://www.docsports.com/picks/81112/index.html
“I thought we were going to get married and have babies,” a crestfallen Johnson wrote on his blog. “I thought it was true love, although I was beginning to wonder why we hadn’t spoken since that day. I mean, people thought that was just another one of my celebrations, but that was for real. It was from the heart.”

Apparently the team will attempt to honor the trade request. Linda Reese, the coach of the Bengals cheerleading squad, told SSNN that talks with the Patriots are already underway.

“Well, Daphne’s been in a bit of a decline the past few years,” Reese said. “Her rah-rahs per game have declined significantly, as has the height of her leg kicks. Plus, she’s asking for a raise that’s going to put us over the cap.”
None of this can console Johnson, though. “Man, I’m heartbroken; really heartbroken. The day I proposed to… whatever her name is – it was probably the happiest day of my life.”

Patriots head coach Bill Belichick had no comment on the proposed deal, but Reese is sure the coach will have a big hand in whatever happens next. “Everyone knows he controls everything they do in New England, including how long Tom Brady brushes his teeth. I know he’ll have a hand in this – after all, he’s been secretly filming cheerleaders for years.”

Link:

http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork...eerleader-he-proposed-to-leaving-bengals.html

 

[VJCPatriot]

Re: SSNN confirms imminent trade between Pats-Bengals

Bah. Sounds like something the Onion would write.

 

[cartmen]

Re: SSNN confirms imminent trade between Pats-Bengals

This could be big! I've never even seen a trade quite like this in all my years of being a football fan....

Johnson surprised to learn cheerleader he proposed to leaving Bengals

CINCINNATI, OH — After being blindsided last week by the news that fellow Bengal receiver Chris Henry had been released by the team following the latest in his long string of arrests, Chad Johnson was similarly surprised to learn of another Bengal’s imminent departure.

Daphne Williams, the cheerleader made famous by Johnson’s touchdown celebration, has requested a trade to the New England Patriots. Johnson proposed to Williams after catching a touchdown pass against the Colts in 2005.


“I thought we were going to get married and have babies,” a crestfallen Johnson wrote on his blog. “I thought it was true love, although I was beginning to wonder why we hadn’t spoken since that day. I mean, people thought that was just another one of my celebrations, but that was for real. It was from the heart.”

Apparently the team will attempt to honor the trade request. Linda Reese, the coach of the Bengals cheerleading squad, told SSNN that talks with the Patriots are already underway.

“Well, Daphne’s been in a bit of a decline the past few years,” Reese said. “Her rah-rahs per game have declined significantly, as has the height of her leg kicks. Plus, she’s asking for a raise that’s going to put us over the cap.”
None of this can console Johnson, though. “Man, I’m heartbroken; really heartbroken. The day I proposed to… whatever her name is – it was probably the happiest day of my life.”

Patriots head coach Bill Belichick had no comment on the proposed deal, but Reese is sure the coach will have a big hand in whatever happens next. “Everyone knows he controls everything they do in New England, including how long Tom Brady brushes his teeth. I know he’ll have a hand in this – after all, he’s been secretly filming cheerleaders for years.”

Link:

http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork...eerleader-he-proposed-to-leaving-bengals.html

I hate you

 

[TheSparks1]

Re: SSNN confirms imminent trade between Pats-Bengals

I'm always up for a funny joke. Regardless of the Patriots' involvement, it just wasn't funny.

 

[DefenseRules]

Re: SSNN confirms imminent trade between Pats-Bengals

I hate you

What he said.

 

[patsfanofNC12]

Re: SSNN confirms imminent trade between Pats-Bengals

Poor Chad, hope he doesn't go suicidle on us.

 

[castlelong1]

...– after all, he’s been secretly filming cheerleaders for years.”

Link:

http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork...eerleader-he-proposed-to-leaving-bengals.html

I don't know if they know how close this is to the truth. If I remember back to week #2, the camera man did not turn off the camera and give his shoulder a rest between plays. He kept filming the cheerleaders or, if the home team had no cheerbabes, the buxom lady in, say section c row12 seat 115.

OT for idiots in other threads, in 12 minutes they decoded everything and oogled chicks.