Matt Cassel prays science experiment ends world before Sunday

[TheGodInAGreyHoodie]

Matt Cassel prays science experiment ends world before Sunday

FOXBORO, MA—Newly-minted Patriots starting QB Matt Cassel has begun to pray that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment in Geneva, Switzerland induces a cataclysmic reaction and ending all life on the solar system, preferably before Sunday’s game against the Jets, despite repeated assurances from the project’s leaders that there was virtually no chance of such a catastrophe happening.

“I know it’s a stretch, but right now I’ll take anything,” a visibly nervous and pale Cassel told SSNN. “Something, anything, to get me out of Sunday’s game without losing face. I think most of the fans in Boston will accept that the end of the world is an unfortunate occurrence I have no control over.”

more

 

[signbabybrady]

thats just ******ed

 

[TheGodInAGreyHoodie]

thats just ******ed

Some folks read the Globe and Herald. I read the onion, ssnn, and the pickle.

 

[TrueBeliever]

That's clever. I especially like this part:

...but the Patriots organization has quashed such rumors, saying Belichick only possessed resources to destroy “half the world at best.”

I'll have to keep an eye on that site. I used to read The Brushback every week but they rarely put up new stuff anymore.

 

[Pat the Pats Fan]

A sports version of "The Onion".....it doesn't work.....

 

[JSn]

A sports version of "The Onion".....it doesn't work.....

It's cute, but the Onion ALWAYS does it better.

 

[Tunescribe]

Someone spent a lot of time and effort on a very lame attempt at humor. Time to grow up and get a life ... and a job.

 

[neuronet]

I liked it, especially the part about Randy Moss, "amateur physicist."

 

[captadamnj]

“I know it’s a stretch, but right now I’ll take anything,” a visibly nervous and pale Cassel told SSNN. “Something, anything, to get me out of Sunday’s game without losing face. I think most of the fans in Boston will accept that the end of the world is an unfortunate occurrence I have no control over.”

From the tone of things Sunday nite and Monday, it seemed a lot of Boston sports fans already thought the world had ended...

 

[PatsFaninAZ]

That's some funny stuff.

Unfortunately for Matt, they swtiched it on a couple of days ago without incident. They won't be banging particles together in it for 10 months or so, so the black holes are probably not going to show up until after XLIII.

 

[jimache]

... that was one smart arse funny article ... loved it

 

[TrueBeliever]

It's cute, but the Onion ALWAYS does it better.

On a related note:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/female_fans_out_for_season_with