Hey, here's a riddle? What do Panther cheerleaders and Bengal footballers have in common? A taste for alcohol and a penchant for ending up in confined spaces."
-----
"If anyone is looking for babysitters with impeccable references," says the Bengals Marvin Lewis, "then NFL officials are a good bet. I'm not sure how they are with children, but they sure know how to treat a quarterback."
-----
"Laveranues and I have a special connection," says Pennington. "Wait a minute, let me rephrase that. Laveranues and I hook up on occasion. Uh, let me try again. Whenever Laveranues and I make eye contact, I see fireworks. Umm, that doesn't work, either. Let's just say I pass, he catches."
Not that there's anything wrong with that, Chad.
-----
...Tom Brady...in Week 9, we'll face the Colts...Before the game, I'll chat with Peyton Manning and try to convince him once again that you don't win Super Bowls by tirelessly starring in commercials. I must say, though, that Peyton certainly has the acting chops, and I can definitely see him in the booth after he retires, or maybe in movies co-starring with Leslie Nielsen or Jackie Chan."
-----
...the Patriots, behind Brady's two touchdown passes to former Raider Doug Gabriel, the luckiest man in the world, prevail, 24-9.
-----
Kansas City's Larry Johnson struggled last week against the Steelers, with only 26 yards rushing, and also recorded one tackle when he hauled Troy Polamalu down by the hair after Polamalu intercepted a pass.
"Well, I guess it's not a weave," says Johnson, placing a lock of Polamalu's in his NFL scrapbook. "Just one question, Troy. Do you condition?"
-----
"Dang! Usually when Randy asks, Randy gets, and I don't even have to pay for it," says Moss...Al Davis, who's the only person better than me at running a team into the ground. What's this world come to when I can't even get anyone fired?"
-----
"If you want to crown the Bears, then crown them!" Green screamed in a press conference after the game.
Okay, I will, Denny. Here you go, Bears. I present you with this paper crown I got my kids at Burger King. That's the prize you win for beating the Cardinals. You also win a free small soft drink.
