ATLANTA — Hello from Atlanta, friends! Here, it’s a pleasant, sunny spring day. Everywhere else in the country, it’s HA HA ATLANTA CHOKED DAY GET IT GET IT GET IT?
Yeah, we get it. March 28. 3-28. The exact score that the Falcons led the Patriots by, way back in Super Bowl LI, before executing the most catastrophic, inexcusable, why-couldn’t-you-just-run-the-ball faceplant in modern American sports. We know. We all saw it. Atlanta had the chance to put a stake in the Patriots dynasty that night, and the Falcons blew it. We know that, all right? WE’RE SORRY, AMERICA.
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And as for you, New England: well, you remain the beacons of slippery just-good-enough-to win excellence you’ve always been. You folded against the Eagles, which was a delight to see, and then you got the good fortune to go up against a Rams team that somehow forgot how to complete a damn pass on the biggest stage of the year.
It was an ugly win, but hey, ugly’s how y’all roll in Boston.
But your time’s coming, New England. You know it. You feel it in your soul every time you see yet another Belichick disciple stumble to a 7-9 record. You know that your entire dynasty, miraculous as it is, rests on the backs of just two men, and we’re in their endgame. You know that when Brady and Belichick are gone, you’re in for an endless, desolate slog of three-touchdown losses, of Jets and Bills and Dolphins dancing in the Gillette end zone as the memories of those six rings fade farther in the distance. And when that day comes — and it’s coming sooner than you think, Patriots fans — we in Atlanta will raise a glass to you and your sterling regular-season performances.
We’ll set aside every January 15.