Official Vollmerism thread

[SanAngeloState]

Vollmer thinks this thread is so stupid that he will smash all the 5 year olds who contributed to it. But not me, because I'm not 5 years old and I just came here to warn people.

 

[neuronet]

In the off season, cruise ships have hired Vollmer to frighten pirates away.

 

[ctpatsfan77]

Vollmer is so tall the FAA wants him to wear warning lights for low-flying planes.

 

[wilfork is beastin']

Joey Porter checks under his bed for Sebastian Vollmer every night before he goes to bed.

 

[ctpatsfan77]

Joey Porter checks under his bed for Sebastian Vollmer every night before he goes to bed.

 

[Patspsycho]

Superman wears Vollmer pajamas to bed every night.

 

[Fencer]

Sebastian Vollmer doesn't line up offsides -- he just decides where the line of scrimmage is.

 

[Modest]

When Vollmer jumps into water he does not get wet. The water gets Vollmerized.

 

[BritPat]

When Sebastian Vollmer does a push up, he's not pushing himself up - he's pushing the Earth down.

 

[BritPat]

Sebastian Vollmer does not sleep - he waits.

 

[BritPat]

Sebastian Vollmer can touch MC Hammer.

 

[FalconHeavy]

Joey Porter checks under his bed for Sebastian Vollmer every night before he goes to bed.

man, that was classic

 

[BradyMossWelker]

When Sebastien Vollmer did a math test, he answered pancake block in every problem, he got an A+.
Sebastien Vollmer solves all his problems with pancake blocks.

 

[FloridaHerb]

"It is what it is" has been changed to "It is what Vollmer says it is!"


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[JSn]

Before each game, Sebastian Vollmer is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is to limit his strength and mobility in an attempt to lower the mortality rate of the linebackers and defensive lineman who must face him.

 

[wilfork is beastin']

Sebastian Vollmer was the inspiration for International House of Pancakes.

 

[ctpatsfan77]

Last night Vollmer had a 24-ounce T-bone steak.

Raw.

As a midnight snack.

 

[SanAngeloState]

Vollmer saw this thread about him and became so enraged he ripped the heads off of all the stupid little children who made it. Except me, he likes me, as I am not an idiot.

 

[JSn]

AD was afraid to rush the passer this year because he kept having flashbacks of facing Vollmer in practice.

 

[ice]

When Sabastian pulls on both sides of a diamond, he turns it back into coal.