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New NFL Rules Implemented

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by Razor's Edge, Nov 23, 2007.

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  1. Razor's Edge

    Razor's Edge Practice Squad Player

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    Subject: New NFL Rules


    In order to address the complaints and hurt feelings of the rest of the NFL, the commissioner has adopted 11 new "Special Rules" for all New England Patriots games. They take effect immediately, and are as follows:

    Special Rules for the Patriots

    1) In the course of an NFL game, if the Patriots go up by more than 31 points, they are not allowed to play offense until the opposing team draws to within one score. (Pats will kick-off after an opposing team's touchdown or FG).

    a) Once the team is within one score, the Pats offense may play, but Tom Brady may not, unless:

    i) the Pats play with 8 players (including Tom), or

    ii) the Pats play with 9 players, but 1 player for the Patriots is chosen by the opposing team from the stands.

    no Patriots linebacker is allowed to play offense, unless that LB is inserted at quarterback. However, Mike Vrabel cannot be quarterback.

    2) If an opposing player states "It's like were playing 7-on-5s" (7 offense, 5 defense during practice), such as indicated by Justin Smith, DE, Cincinnati Bengels 10/1/07, the Patriots must take a time out and serve ice cold lemonade or hot tea (weather dependent) to the opposing team. Scones are optional.

    3) Once the 31 pt rule is in effect, Patriots may challenge any play, but the opposing team gets veto power over the referee.

    4) Once the Pats offense is allowed back onto the field (7 pts), for any forward pass the Pats QB must point to the receiver and call out his number BEFORE passing. If Tom Brady is quarterbacking at the time, he must do that, plus turn the opposing team's water cooler into wine BEFORE passing.

    5) Belichick must diagram any Patriots play to the opposing defense and ensure they understand exactly how to disrupt the play. This all must be done within the play clock. If this process is not complete prior to the play clock expiring, the Patriots will be assessed a delay of game and double unsportsmanlike conduct penalties.

    6) Randy Moss must play with 10lb ankle weights on each ankle. An additional pound will be added for each TD this season.

    7) Wes Welker is not allowed to have "that crazy look" in his eyes. 10 yd, "crazy eyes" penalty assessed.

    8) Tom Brady must immediately stop dating supermodels as he will not be allowed to date anyone that is more attractive then the least attractive significant other of an opposing team member (including coaches). He also must start doing commercials for every product imaginable, especially ones where he chants "cut that meat!" or refers to himself "as a 6'5" quarterback with a laser-rocket arm"

    9) Bill Belichick is not allowed to be within 100 yds of any infant, for fear that his evil super-genius powers would assimilate such a defenseless creature into the Patriots System. We have already seen this effect on an inordinate amount of chipmunks, squirrels, and 'possum that commit suicide while crossing Rte 1 to reach Gillette Stadium.

    10) Patriots must respect all opposing player’s feelings and apologize for every first down. Touchdowns must be followed by a written apology and a fruit basket presented with a hug.

    11) Any Patriots defensive player rushing and within 5 yards of the opposing team's quarterback must dance and sing two verses of the hokey pokey before making contact with said quarterback.
     
  2. fnordcircle

    fnordcircle ( o Y o ) PatsFans.com Supporter

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    I wish there was a rule against threads like this.
     
  3. Razor's Edge

    Razor's Edge Practice Squad Player

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    Maybe for Christmas you could ask for a sense of humor:bricks:
     
  4. fnordcircle

    fnordcircle ( o Y o ) PatsFans.com Supporter

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    I don't celebrate Christmas because your posting made me stop believing in Jesus.
     
  5. PatsWickedPissah

    PatsWickedPissah PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Disable Jersey

    It would be great to read one of these lists that was funny
     
  6. speed

    speed On the Game Day Roster

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    This, however, is funny, harsh, but funny.
     
  7. pwes

    pwes In the Starting Line-Up

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    Disable Jersey

    Did you get this in like an email or something? I could have sworn this has been posted like 3 diffreent times already. If not then something similar has been posted multiple times. It's getting kind of old and tired now.
     
  8. speed

    speed On the Game Day Roster

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    How about this:

    Any Quarterback with a forehead bigger than small child must allow advertisement to be sold by the NFL to be placed on aforementioned forehead, yes we are looking at you Mr Manning.

    Or

    Any QB who is or ever has posed with a farm animal for a picture must wear a T shirt with that picture screen printed on the front of it, in public, until his Offensive lineman, in a majority vote say he can stop wearing it.

    Or

    Anyone who has bullied press box staff at opposing stadiums and argued with a comedian/actor on public radio has to wear pink pumps.... oh we see you already got the Memo Mr Polian.

    Polian: Um ya, the memo, um, ya thats it.

    Or

    The League has decided to randomly search players cars in the parking lot for banned and illegal substances..... Randy..Rodney, hey guys where are you going?

    :D What?!?!?! NO??!?!? okay dokey, at least I didn't mention the Hokey Pokey or fruit basket, though.
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2007
  9. Charlotte Pats Fan

    Charlotte Pats Fan 2nd Team Getting Their First Start

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    No Jersey Selected

    LOL, Now that's funny:D
     
  10. gomezcat

    gomezcat It's SIR Moderator to you Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

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    I've looked through all of nfl.com's stats and can't find his name anywhere. Who does he play for?
     
  11. speed

    speed On the Game Day Roster

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    The Saints.
     
  12. gomezcat

    gomezcat It's SIR Moderator to you Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

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    :D
    Ah, yes. Now I can see him.
     
  13. speed

    speed On the Game Day Roster

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    He can really throw the Hail Mary!

    Too far? probably. :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2007
  14. elandadem

    elandadem Practice Squad Player

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    Hey, that's not fair. Dungy has two teams!
     
  15. speed

    speed On the Game Day Roster

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    Padres and Cardinals too! I know, he's awesome.

    Okay, thats good. (slowing put down this thread and backing away) :D
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2007
  16. Patriotic Fervor

    Patriotic Fervor Rotational Player and Threatening Starter's Job

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    So that's what it's all about!
     
  17. speed

    speed On the Game Day Roster

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    LOL, well played.
     
  18. gomezcat

    gomezcat It's SIR Moderator to you Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Speed, is that Eric Dickerson in your avatar? It's that distinctive facemask that makes me wonder.
     
  19. speed

    speed On the Game Day Roster

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    It does look like that now that you say it, but its Bob Sanders. Its a little bit of an odd picture with him carrying it like a running back too.

    Your puss looks like its ready for business... in your avatar, can I say that? Avatar?
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2007
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