Fiction: (WASHINGTON, DC) There appears to no founding to the rumors recently that U.S. Senator Arlen exSpectorate (R-Eagles/Comcast) has barricaded himself in his Senate chambers since March 3, 2008. Aides to Sen. exSpectorate have pleaded with the senator to unlock his office doors in order to retrieve reports on a $4 billion Appropriations Bill. However, the desperate office staff can only hear the background noise of the NFL Network in his office. The vigil is now in Day 6, which reportedly has exSpectorate staring, almost trance-like at the television screen, and chanting in a low uneven voice: "Any news on Matt Walsh...Any news on Matt Walsh...People I need info...People I need info...Any news on Matt Walsh...." And on and on it goes.