"Good morning my fellow Americans. Alot of folks have questioned my reasons for seeking an investigation of the New England Patriots Spygate travesty. They say I have an agenda, outside of honesty in sports, or that it is otherwise for my own personal reasons. I've heard it mentioned that I'm in bed with COMCAST. I've heard that I don't even like or care about sports. I've heard it said that I have made claims against the Patriots that have turned out to be false. Hogwash! When a team like the Patriots score or prevent runs as a result of stealing signs from the guys of the teams and stuff, bad things happen and what not. If the umpire of a football game were caught cheating, there would be outrage, and so I'm equally outraged at Dave Bellichick and the rest of the Patriots Managers who did this. How do I know they didn't do this when they played MY EAGLES in the World Series? We already know that they taped another team's Walkthrough, despite what the evidence shows. I remember as a boy when my Easy Bake Oven broke, and I thought maybe I'd turn to sports, but nobody would pick me for the recess teams. I knew then that I would have my revenge, and this is my revenge (DID I JUST SAY THAT OUTLOUD)! Strike that! Turn that camera off! Turn that #$%# camera off! Spin Control, where the &^%% are my Spin Control people????" At this point, Specter's handlers stop the press conference.