- Joined
- Mar 19, 2006
- Messages
- 33,988
- Reaction score
- 14,478
5. Playcalling. Oh yeah I know I know. Whoever is calling the Pats' plays is the most unoriginal unimaginative hack in the history of the game. Or: what were we THINKING on that less unimaginative play/situation (that didn't work)? Charlie Weiss can't call an offensive game to save his life. Wait I mean Josh McDaniel. No hold on what I really mean is... crap I've lost track.
I live in Washington, where Daniel Snyder has decided it's not enough to hire the coordinator first and then the coach. It's not enough to play musical coaches every year. It's not enough to play fantasy football with the roster and the payroll.
Nooooo, now he has to have multiple overlapping areas of responsibility ON EVERY PLAY, where nobody is apparently the last word in anything, there are enough cooks in the kitchen to host an Iron Chef NFL special, and they have Sherm Lewis incurring delay of game penalties because when he hears on the head set "third and eleven" he feels compelled to answer "take me to heaven." Once when Jason Campbell was calling signals and got to BLUE, SEVENTEEN...and Sherm answered "BINGO!"
Trust me. It can be worse.
4. We could be Buffalo. You remember when there were rumblings of moving the Pats to Hartford? Now once again, I live hundreds of miles away, but it just sounded gross even to me. HARTFORD? I mean sure call 'em the NEW ENGLAND Patriots if you want. But that means the BOSTON Patriots, and just like I rooted from a distance for the Red Sox most of my life because I was born within a few miles of Boston, I want to root for a Boston-area Patriots team. AND I DON'T EVEN LIVE THERE!
Think about that, then multiply it. How about if they moved you to a FARAWAY state? How about if they moved you to ANOTHER COUNTRY???
The only bright side for Bills fans is the spectacle of T.O. possibly attempting to factor in an exchange rate when making contract demands, or getting confused when told he has to come up with 70 catches to make an escalator, and blurts out "70 American?"
3. We could be Detroit. Okay, they're not the 08 Lions. But in all fairness being the 08 Lions even once defies belief. The 08 Lions were what's called a "black swan": They're an unlikely event you can't plan for. There is just no reason a team as bad as the 08 Lions should ever have played in the NFL. For that to happen two years running would require a distortion of probability to downright Buccaneerian proportions.
But they are still the Lions. There is no real near-term hope for this team. If they are very, very lucky, and play very, very, well, they may land a wild card... NEXT YEAR. Or, more likely, some year thereafter... followed by more years in the desert. Oh and by the way, the average value of a Detroiter's home is now so miniscule they sometimes express it in Canadian dollars to feel better. The only reason the Redskins lost to them was not the bingo playcaller, it was another Washington/Detroit bailout situation. Now I'm a big backer of our president but sometimes you have to allow for creative destruction. Not for the auto industry, for the bloody Lions.
Can you imagine the mass orgasm Detroiters would simultaneously experience if they so much as won a divisional round playoff game? Us, we're sick and tired of being in/winning AFC Championships. Eh well. Can't say I'm any different. FU(K 2007. Okay just had to get that out.
2. No more irrational curses. Okay, this is pretty much cribbed from the Red Sox aspect of being a Boston fan, but it carries over for me. I can't ice skate and I'm short so I just couldn't shout "I'm Bill Russel!!!" or "I'm Bobby Orr!" But like every other kid I knew when I was little I could shout "I'm Sam Cunningham!" or "I'm Carl Yastremski!!!" And the teams those guys were on, they were cursed.
Growing up I thought it would always be that way. In fact, I was waiting all through that first Super Bowl run for reality to set in. It had been a good run, but the Raiders were more than likely going to beat us in Oakland. It had been a good run, but there was no DOUBT the Steelers would stifle us in Pittsburgh. It had been a good run, but there we'd already played our best game against the Rams. It had been a good run, but it's the third quarter and just look at Warner carving us up. Yeah it was a good run but... what? Huh? We wo... we wo... we...??? Did not compute.
Then 2 more of them after that one forgettable 02 season, then the Sox? Are you KIDDING me?
Paisans: there are guys that live their whole lives watching sucky teams and bleeding their colors. I would have been one of those guys if it weren't for the current Pats' regime dragging their buttocks into contention, then past that level, to the level of excellence.
Yeah, we got it good now. Still.
And number one...
#1. We lost the Brett Favre sweepstakes... over and over and over.
Man, I love watching the posts fly whenever this guy re un re un re unretires. He has jacked around every fanbase that has looked to him as the messiah, and fugged over every fan who ever loved him. Brett Favre is to football what the Balloon Boy Family is to the news: the pure distillation of egotistical selfishness. At least the Balloon Family knows it was being selfish. Welp, more phenomenal numbers, more friction with his team, his owner, his coach, and at the end of the day, more disappointment for Brett this year, followed by (no doubt) more retiring and un-retiring.
Brett's obviously a very very good football player. He's also poison to NFL teams. And he's not going to hang 'em up for real until the only blitzer that can't catch his sorry azz is Wolf.
--------------------------------
/rant
I live in Washington, where Daniel Snyder has decided it's not enough to hire the coordinator first and then the coach. It's not enough to play musical coaches every year. It's not enough to play fantasy football with the roster and the payroll.
Nooooo, now he has to have multiple overlapping areas of responsibility ON EVERY PLAY, where nobody is apparently the last word in anything, there are enough cooks in the kitchen to host an Iron Chef NFL special, and they have Sherm Lewis incurring delay of game penalties because when he hears on the head set "third and eleven" he feels compelled to answer "take me to heaven." Once when Jason Campbell was calling signals and got to BLUE, SEVENTEEN...and Sherm answered "BINGO!"
Trust me. It can be worse.
4. We could be Buffalo. You remember when there were rumblings of moving the Pats to Hartford? Now once again, I live hundreds of miles away, but it just sounded gross even to me. HARTFORD? I mean sure call 'em the NEW ENGLAND Patriots if you want. But that means the BOSTON Patriots, and just like I rooted from a distance for the Red Sox most of my life because I was born within a few miles of Boston, I want to root for a Boston-area Patriots team. AND I DON'T EVEN LIVE THERE!
Think about that, then multiply it. How about if they moved you to a FARAWAY state? How about if they moved you to ANOTHER COUNTRY???
The only bright side for Bills fans is the spectacle of T.O. possibly attempting to factor in an exchange rate when making contract demands, or getting confused when told he has to come up with 70 catches to make an escalator, and blurts out "70 American?"
3. We could be Detroit. Okay, they're not the 08 Lions. But in all fairness being the 08 Lions even once defies belief. The 08 Lions were what's called a "black swan": They're an unlikely event you can't plan for. There is just no reason a team as bad as the 08 Lions should ever have played in the NFL. For that to happen two years running would require a distortion of probability to downright Buccaneerian proportions.
But they are still the Lions. There is no real near-term hope for this team. If they are very, very lucky, and play very, very, well, they may land a wild card... NEXT YEAR. Or, more likely, some year thereafter... followed by more years in the desert. Oh and by the way, the average value of a Detroiter's home is now so miniscule they sometimes express it in Canadian dollars to feel better. The only reason the Redskins lost to them was not the bingo playcaller, it was another Washington/Detroit bailout situation. Now I'm a big backer of our president but sometimes you have to allow for creative destruction. Not for the auto industry, for the bloody Lions.
Can you imagine the mass orgasm Detroiters would simultaneously experience if they so much as won a divisional round playoff game? Us, we're sick and tired of being in/winning AFC Championships. Eh well. Can't say I'm any different. FU(K 2007. Okay just had to get that out.
2. No more irrational curses. Okay, this is pretty much cribbed from the Red Sox aspect of being a Boston fan, but it carries over for me. I can't ice skate and I'm short so I just couldn't shout "I'm Bill Russel!!!" or "I'm Bobby Orr!" But like every other kid I knew when I was little I could shout "I'm Sam Cunningham!" or "I'm Carl Yastremski!!!" And the teams those guys were on, they were cursed.
Growing up I thought it would always be that way. In fact, I was waiting all through that first Super Bowl run for reality to set in. It had been a good run, but the Raiders were more than likely going to beat us in Oakland. It had been a good run, but there was no DOUBT the Steelers would stifle us in Pittsburgh. It had been a good run, but there we'd already played our best game against the Rams. It had been a good run, but it's the third quarter and just look at Warner carving us up. Yeah it was a good run but... what? Huh? We wo... we wo... we...??? Did not compute.
Then 2 more of them after that one forgettable 02 season, then the Sox? Are you KIDDING me?
Paisans: there are guys that live their whole lives watching sucky teams and bleeding their colors. I would have been one of those guys if it weren't for the current Pats' regime dragging their buttocks into contention, then past that level, to the level of excellence.
Yeah, we got it good now. Still.
And number one...
#1. We lost the Brett Favre sweepstakes... over and over and over.
Man, I love watching the posts fly whenever this guy re un re un re unretires. He has jacked around every fanbase that has looked to him as the messiah, and fugged over every fan who ever loved him. Brett Favre is to football what the Balloon Boy Family is to the news: the pure distillation of egotistical selfishness. At least the Balloon Family knows it was being selfish. Welp, more phenomenal numbers, more friction with his team, his owner, his coach, and at the end of the day, more disappointment for Brett this year, followed by (no doubt) more retiring and un-retiring.
Brett's obviously a very very good football player. He's also poison to NFL teams. And he's not going to hang 'em up for real until the only blitzer that can't catch his sorry azz is Wolf.
--------------------------------
/rant