I have a sneak preview of the new disciplinary policy to be unveiled at the 3pm press conference today.
Someone has done something wrong in the NFL!
Is it bad? Yes +4 games suspension / No +2
Who got hurt? A woman +1 / A child +1 / recreational drug laws +2 / Your Feelings +3 / "The Shield" +4
Is the wrongdoer a very good player? Yes -1 / No +2
Does TMZ have it on tape? Yes x2 / No ÷2
Did he say he's very, very sorry to you personally? Yes ÷3 / No x3
Have you consulted anyone about this? Yes.
I mean, have you consulted someone outside of the media? Of course not.
Does the media think it's too little? +1 (Repeat as necessary)
Does the media think it's too much? -1 (Repeat as necessary)
Does the media think it's just right? Alright! Drink a celebratory fruity beer with Peter King!
Is it bad? Yes +4 games suspension / No +2
Who got hurt? A woman +1 / A child +1 / recreational drug laws +2 / Your Feelings +3 / "The Shield" +4
Is the wrongdoer a very good player? Yes -1 / No +2
Does TMZ have it on tape? Yes x2 / No ÷2
Did he say he's very, very sorry to you personally? Yes ÷3 / No x3
Have you consulted anyone about this? Yes.
I mean, have you consulted someone outside of the media? Of course not.
Does the media think it's too little? +1 (Repeat as necessary)
Does the media think it's too much? -1 (Repeat as necessary)
Does the media think it's just right? Alright! Drink a celebratory fruity beer with Peter King!