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Thought it might be interesting to really highlight the changes between the draft and the final version. I thought the language of the draft was strong. Their edits to the final version intentionally raised it up even further.
The first paragraph itself is a great example. Only the last sentence remains unchanged. Here is the draft:
This case arises from an arbitration ruling by NFL Commissioner Roger
Goodell that defies the rule of law. After orchestrating a multi-million dollar
investigation into purported football deflation during the 2015 AFC Championship
Game, Goodell imposed a severe and unprecedented punishment on Patriots
quarterback Tom Brady. When Brady exercised his right under the collective
bargaining agreement to appeal the punishment to an arbitrator, Goodell appointed
himself as the arbitrator and “affirmed” the punishment he had just imposed.
Here is the final version:
This case arises from an arbitration ruling by NFL Commissioner Roger
Goodell that undermines the rights and expectations of parties to collective
bargaining agreements, and runs roughshod over the rule of law. Goodell
superintended a multimillion-dollar investigation into purported football deflation
during the 2015 AFC Championship Game—an investigation he falsely portrayed
as independent. The NFL then used the findings of that investigation to impose a
severe and unprecedented punishment on New England Patriots quarterback Tom
Brady based on his supposed “general awareness” of misconduct by team
employees. When Brady exercised his right under the collective bargaining
agreement to appeal the punishment, Goodell appointed himself as the arbitrator
and “affirmed” the punishment he had himself imposed.
EDIT: Looking at it closely, most of the language changes served to either 1) even more strongly highlight Goodell's incompetence, or 2) slightly soften the language used against Parker and Chin. Probably for the best I would think; probably not a good thing to request a hearing by arguing that your peers (that you've worked with daily for years) are incompetent. Save the vengeance for the deserving moron and jerk of an arbitrator instead.
The first paragraph itself is a great example. Only the last sentence remains unchanged. Here is the draft:
This case arises from an arbitration ruling by NFL Commissioner Roger
Goodell that defies the rule of law. After orchestrating a multi-million dollar
investigation into purported football deflation during the 2015 AFC Championship
Game, Goodell imposed a severe and unprecedented punishment on Patriots
quarterback Tom Brady. When Brady exercised his right under the collective
bargaining agreement to appeal the punishment to an arbitrator, Goodell appointed
himself as the arbitrator and “affirmed” the punishment he had just imposed.
This case arises from an arbitration ruling by NFL Commissioner Roger
Goodell that undermines the rights and expectations of parties to collective
bargaining agreements, and runs roughshod over the rule of law. Goodell
superintended a multimillion-dollar investigation into purported football deflation
during the 2015 AFC Championship Game—an investigation he falsely portrayed
as independent. The NFL then used the findings of that investigation to impose a
severe and unprecedented punishment on New England Patriots quarterback Tom
Brady based on his supposed “general awareness” of misconduct by team
employees. When Brady exercised his right under the collective bargaining
agreement to appeal the punishment, Goodell appointed himself as the arbitrator
and “affirmed” the punishment he had himself imposed.
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