That stuff is hilarious. I am contemplating registering just to let them know how enjoyable that is, even to a Patsfan.
a few quotes for the uninspired:
Crop circles are Tedy's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
When Tedy Bruschi jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Bruschi'd instead.
Tedy Bruschi can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Tedy Bruschi is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Tedy Bruschi invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Paul Bunyon is really the story of Tedy Bruschi ...they names were changed at request of Tedy Bruschi ...because sometimes...it's not all about Tedy Bruschi.
Bruschi travelled back in time to save President Kennedy. He jumped in front of the Magic Bullet and destroyed it with his pecs. Kennedy was so amazed, his head exploded.
Ted Bruschi uses ribbed condems inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Tedy Bruschi only takes off the Helmet for one thing...and it ain't sleepin'
I remember one time I was thinking bad thoughts about Tedy Bruschi when suddenly he entered my mind (whether in physical form, or ethereal, I know not) and kicked my brain's ass. When I awakened, I was laying face down, naked in the mud, destroyed and disoriented. The only evidence that remained from the incident was three large ring marks and one small thumb-knuckle indentation across my right cheek. Even though I looked awful and appeared to be shamed, people came from all around the land to lick my sweat in hopes to absorb any Bruschi residue that remained.
Teddy Bruschi once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
Teddy Bruschi named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that.
When Tedy Bruschi does a pushup, he's not pushing himself up, he's pushing the world down.
When Tedy Bruschi goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Tedy Bruschi and forgot to pay him back.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Tedy Bruschi has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Tedy Bruschi once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Tedy Bruschi has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.
Tedy Bruschi recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Tedy Bruschi can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya."
Tedy Bruschi does not sleep. He waits.
If you ask Tedy Bruschi what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he tackles you, snapping your spine.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Tedy Bruschi allows to live.
It takes Tedy Bruschi 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Children are afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Tedy Bruschi.
If Chuck Norris even dreams about roundhouse kicking Teddy to the face, he wakes up and apologizes.
They tried to put Teddy Bruschi on steroids. It made him weaker. Briefly.
Bruschi once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Tedy's name is spelled with one D, because the other one gave him attitude so he dropped it with a roundhouse.
The other D left to become the '85 Bears defense.
Tedy once fell into a lava pit... He almost drowned.
Tedy Bruschi doesn't dance, he boogies. And when Tedy Bruschi boogies the room moves around Tedy Bruschi.
If Bruschi steals Tom Bradys Visa card , will the Metaphores Protect Brady ?
We refer to it as boating. Tedy likes to call it "swimming with people on my back."
How many Tedy Bruschi's does it take to change a light bulb? One... to kick your ass for asking the question, scoop your ass up, put a lightbulb in your hand, and throw your ass up on a chair to get it done.
FACT: The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Tedy Bruschi played in second grade.
Famous Tedy Bruschi quote: "Here Atlas, I'm done juggling."
Granted, many of those are simply Chuck Norris 'bad ass' jokes with Tedy's name replaced, but still a funny bit.
